Dumer.

Wairarapa Standard, Volume XX, Issue 2061, 29 April 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Dumer.

Twain, Xy«'. aiul Suiitli.

Two years ag", wide l!di Sr<: was aM Pori, Wisconsin, W' ikiii" in the inlero- i f John wh<> is a warm furl if Nye's.nii'l who became a I nil'd ."hates'', nator at that I mi ■. t lm r own wn, tilled -foAIm k Twain and (iVorge W. < '.ilWill:.at left the eapitnl on that evening and attetnhl the show, after which hr rode .lo in with Warn and Cable, to the hotel, and liter on join d them at the station, where ail hands w re In take a X'oithwe-leru train at '2 oclockA M. At thedepof Clemens sal unier adin ga—jet, with a pairof ironbonml -piclm-1.-s oi h'< nose, trying to read a maga/im. and h'-king like anything but the shunler gentleman in a swallow-tail coal, who a few lours previous had appeareil hefote tie Inpiy andui;i-. X'yc stood near him. .lu-l ilen a tall, angular lawyer named Smith, from fierce county, came up, and rceognisng Nye, but not Twain, said : “Well. Mr. X’yc, did yon go a the show?'' “ Vos. I was there.” responied William, with a look of the deepest remote and a profound sigh. “ I was there, aid I am not going to try tosneakout of it, ether.” “ Well, what diil you think of it ?’’ 11 Think of it. Why, you're a udge of such things,” said X’yc, moving a little, soar to bring Twain between Smith :nd himieil. “ What did you think of it ?” 11 Well, sir, to be frank with v.ni, ah ’ as between man and man, I theight it was pretty thin I” “Of course you refer to Twain.- pari of ibe programme when you -ay that.’ murmured the sad-eyed sage hen of Wymii ng, with a look of earnest inquiry toward Smtb. “ Ves - , of eoiiise. He's the nan I mean. Why, it made my blood run Cold to go there and see old, grey-headed men and women bo ought to have been at home preparing themselves for a glorious iminor)a lily. -itl ing there and snickering and laughing tnl the tms ran down their moms. iu-| b ■cause it was Mark Twain, if I d got up there and talked that way people would have jlist gone home sorry for me. and would have pm mi bui’aps and ashes and pitied my family. I) ,:i ‘ t you think so?’’ “ Ves. 1 guess t'e y Would. But you wouldn't do that wav. I feel that Imm rely on yon, Mr. Smith, never tod mlmt kin 1 of thing. But 1 Would le, 1 he ller about it if you would promise me that you m v i would. We may never meet again, and it w, ~ 1.) i„ ; a great relief tome if you would solemnly promise, here in the presence of two ~ j- three of us. never, to be a humorist -to i ;,ees«. You have such a bright future 1o• I<>i e you, Mr. Smith, such sunny hop, - as a hani-ti r. such possibilities as a lawyer and phader.’’ “ Oh. you needn’t worry about me. I shall stick to my profession,”

I know, lint yor, )..• ( n,i|.i t -<l s-.ii.c liny to descend lo Innimr a-a spi-ciilaiii'M, Voti know these mm lik.- .Maik Twain aic wealthy. All the luimorii-ls are wcalihv. So I didn't know tint the (lay might '--une win'll yon would go into it to make money, and I would foul better. I would .deep sounder. I would feel more secure a« to y.,nr future if you would promise me rie'ut here that you would never, never make a Maik Twain of yourself.” There was a quiver in Nye’s v.iee and a moisture in Ids eyes (hat coimueed Sruitli. f his sincerity, and he made the promise. Then they shook hands over it aernss Twain's head, and William ealied the veteran pro. prietor of the -lumping Fn-gasa wit in ». and introduced him lo Mr. Smith, ami told him how Mr. Twain was once as young. flee and lighthearted as ho, and hew a baneful lust for laughter ami good clothes had at last brought him to where he then was. It was very touching. No one could say a word—especially Smith. Drawing the Line Smif. I wants ter a.x yo’ er (pie-lion." ,I fr. Smith: All light, Ka-tus. Hiixlu* : ” 1 ’se gwine ter get married in x' week, an’ I wan's ter know what am de ki-r----reel thing 'limit payin' de minister. \o' see. Mastah Smif, de lady ’pon whom I’-e 'bout to confer de liouah oh mv ban’ am worry high-toned in her depoTmeiil, sail, an' I wuddent wan’ ter do nullin that wuzzenl in do latcs’ style. What I wan's ter know is, should I han’de minister de money myself, sah. or dispute a fr'cti (er do it fo me Mr, Smith .- “I see; anybody going to stand up with you, l!a-tus ’ Ita*tni: ” Ves, sah ; Sam .Kdmsing am ter bo my lies’ man.” Mr. Smith: “Well put the mom'V in an envelope, and let Sam hand it to'thu minister." JluHiir: ‘-What! let Sam .lolmsine handle dat money? \o, sah.” Mr. Smith : “ Why in-I ?” Ita*tn*: " t'os 1 wuddent da i -k il. ! has de utmost i-untidem-i; in Sam a- a gemman, sah. Sam am a gr.-.-.l tj j, n ’ ~f mine, an’ he am a good la in-' man an’ worry poplcr in sasseiely and wif do C ars. x. an’ebbery thing ob dat sot, sah; out if l should let him handle dat dnllah bill, de minister would nebber see it--Meed In; wuddent. 1 has de utmost eonlidenee in Sam. Mastah Smif, 'cept when it c-mes hr wealth. Sam ain't used ter wealth."

A party of old soldiers stood on the platform of the panorama of Hull linn tin: oilier day discussing an anecdote I told recently of the itiiosyneracics of Stonewall Johnson, and a famous cx-Confederatc remarked : " I saw a great deal of (leneral Jack-mu before and during the war and noticed bis peculiarities, as everyone else did. 1 have beard him assert that bis right leg was hollow, and bis left, leg solid, lie used to imagine that he could feel his food passing down tbe cavity, and if it bad been any other man 1 would have said he was crazy." " I’m the other man," responded Lem-rai Itelknap, who stood by. “for 1 never take a glass of Jlurgiindy without feeline it run down inside my leg to my groat too." "And I know a man,” observed another. " who cannot take even so much as a glav, of beer without feeling a numbness in Ins arm from bis wrist to bis elbow." "Sam Randall.” said a third, ■'always, has a swelling of bis ankles whenever Intakes wine of any sort, but that’s gout, of course." "And I know a great many men,” continued a fourth " who cannot take a drink of whisky without feeling it in both lees, hut I never thought there was anything strange about it.”

The Lover Could not Stand the Test- —" Ho you sue that row of poplars on the Canadian shore, standing apparently at equal distances apart asked a gravo-facid man of a group of passengers on h'c fort Erie ferrv boat.

The group nodded assent. “ Well, there's quite a story connected with those trees," lie continued. 11 Some years ago there lived on the bluff in Buffalo, overlooking the river, a very wealthy banker, whose only daughter was beloved by »young surveyor. Ihe old man was inclined to question the professional skill of young rod ami-level, and to pul him b> lest, directed him to set out. on the hominion shore, a row of trees, no two of which should be farther apart than anv other two. Ihe liial proved the lover's iuellieieney and forthwith lie was forbidden the bouse, and in despair drowned himself in the river Perhaps some of you oenllemau with keen eyes can tell winch tw u trees are the furthest apart." The group took a rntieal view of the situalion and each member seleelnd a different pair of trees. Finally, after .....oh d'seusd,..., an appeal was taken to the solemn faced s( ranger solve th- problem. ••The first amt tie- last,’ said he, oftlraW resuming his cigar and walking away wilil the air of a sage. '