Humor.

Wairarapa Standard, Volume XX, Issue 2044, 18 March 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Humor.

A Man’s Modicr-iii-Law

It is a mystery which no om ha-' so vi o why eo many sad jokes are constantly I mg perpetrated about a man’s mother in-law Wuat dreadful crime lias th- nnfortunati woman committed in providing the man w;lh his wife that be should bear such an undying grudge against her?

Now if it was a iromitii'x mother-in-law who was made the butt of these jokes tin n: might he a grain of Rente in them : for it Ts the mn/i'n mother who has it in her power to make life a burden to the young wife and not half try. As a matter of fact, a woman is usually proud and fond of her son-in-law if he only gives her the ghost of a chance. When the young couple first go to housekeeping who is it that conns in and with her good sense and practical experience tides them over the rough places.’ A man's mother-in-law.

Ills the woman’s mother-in-law' who is most apt to criticise, ami who exasperates the young wife by quoting, all too frequently, ’• My son is used to have things thus and so.” “My son must have this or that for his meals.” ■■ My son, with his small income, shuhldliave married a prudent, economical, woman.” etc. Wbcu the first baby makes it appearam 1 as well as the successive ones, who is it that steps in and relieves the husband of his weary vigils, and takes the load of car and worry otT the wife's feeble shoulder-, and keeps the 1 'U-ehold running smoothly .’ The man's mother-in-law. When lie ami his wife plan to take a little trip together, who is it comes in andtakicharge of the house and the ehildr n. so that they can peacefully enjoy their holiday, with the restful thought. " .Mother is there and it will be all right ?’’ The man’s mother-in-law. M hen there is sickness or trouble in the house, who is the faithful nurse, the warn Counsellor, the sympathizing friend? The mart’s mother-in-law. And if, irr tire course of events, the wifidies, who is it. that e-ira ly comes in and takes care of the children, and keeps up ti,. home till the bereaved husband has time Ilook around and find another wife? A Irian’s mother-in-law. And how does he reward her fur all Ihldevotion ! I!y making heartless jokes at her riper,-e, and publishing them for other men to -nicker ovcrl Ingratitude, thy name is Man 1

Classical Music Classical music is so call d because it was never known in the classical ages of the past, and it is in no way connected with (he classical thought of modern times. The down named his mule January because lie was bom in August, and the term 11 Classical music” seems to have a similar genesis. The music of classical times was sweet and simple, and appealed directly to the popular ear ami heart; and was the exact reverse of the fearful and wonderful uproar which is now facetiously called *• classical music.” This is the first reason why we call this kind of noise classical music : and the second reason—which is like unto it, —is because it lias no strictly cla-sieal quality. Classical music is a triumph of mo iern civilization, and is certainly not without a certain virtue. One recommendation is that it is more delightful to deaf people than to any others, and the deaf people arc a very deserving ami worthy portion of humanity. Such music is also peculiarly adapted for the delectation of corpses, statues, and wooden Indians; nil of which are entitled to some consideration.

A Tom-cat passes through a process of musical evolution. While in the liesh, he passes through the classical stage attaining lbhighest pitch of classical splendor and magnilicaiice while passing through the wood shed and back-yard period. After dent hj, tinea I passes into the popular and primitive musical stage and looniusa mo-1 valuable adjunct for stringed in-tnimeiits. Most . I the music which he i mils in this lalt. i-tage is not (las-ical because il is so much like the simple music of clastic t inu s. Some in-mnuents me especially designed for the creation of classical music. An angry bull with the cramp colic is • miticnt !y classical, especially in hi- lower and middle icgister, A haidwaiv :-nuc, win n suddenly undermined by an e.-n 1 Inpiakt, becomes classical in the highest degree and would be ol the greatest value inswelling the harmony of

a quintette o ilCfil. A e.yote is full t.• i.itiMowing with tin- rude pi■ it.ipiiism uf n-nl harmony, and might bo Irai-.-loimed ml o a high-prieid t music iim l.y pr- .j, t i trainin''.

Hi ri'liiinl, —"Oh, Mrs. Triprilgr, c.vu--me, but where is that item I !■■■<■ d y..u to charge against Johns' n A. ( 'i” /.mlif lni'pir —•'Why, do you see, sir, there wa-.ii t anymore room oil their pace "I ihe lideer, so I had to put it nil the next page. 11',-,,/, t that right ?” (Anxiously hut eoquel tishh I —yi.oiV tell me I've ma le another error!” .)/( rrhant (loudly)—" Why, you—” (sweetly) —“Not cpiite right; you see tins paee j..

hea led Robinson ,y Korin s, and ” ( Ihi ;res out of oar-.-h it, where his language bee-urn-s unfit for publication.) And yet they say lady employees hate such a )\ lining Millm nee in an olliee.

Nobody outside of iim pr-Wi-; n haany idea now diilieuli ii is fur auidit r i ■ please Mime of hi- patrons. For instance : A (•uccnslaml paper announces as follows ,

“Mr. Maguire will wa-h himself before la assumes the cilice of cun i crier.” This mad Maguire mad, and lie demanded a jvlraelion, which Ihe paper made thus; “Mr. Matjuii requests us to deny that lie will wash himself before he assumes Ihe olliee of co in crier.” Oddly enough this only enraged Maguire the more. Some people are so hard to please.

■ V’l'i—' ■* I V> vuu tbits';,my live, your falm r will consent t.i our mat tinge ' .1/. “Qi course, papa will he veiy s.-iry t., i.. ■■ me darling.” If./,/ - Hut 1 will sav t'i h.ia that instead of losing atl;m-htoc lie will gain 11 sun.” Aii'l’hj—" I wouldn't (1.) that, foe, if you really want mo. I’apa Ims three sm li sons hoarding hero now, and he’s a little touchy on the point.”

She and he bad boon listonim; t" (Inmusic of the insocl woild. "Arthur,” she exclaimed, breaking the noisy silence. " hj >w delightful,and yit how so sad, is the morioionous chorus of those toadstools I l ' *• Toadstools, my dear.'” replied Arthur; ''l think you moan crickets.” ■■ V os, crickets, that',wbat I moan. I know it was somethin" to sit on.”

An exchange says : A Queensland man recently wandered iMo church while scivnr was being held, it is supposed that some Hallowe’en jokers hail removed a lager beer sign and placed it over the door ul tbecliuivh. It is an outrage to fool a Queensland in.in that way 1

In some parts of Africa it is a custom foi a woman to knock out her front teeth as soon as she is married. In a civilized locality It sometimes happens that a woman, soon ailei she is married, has the dental operation paformed by her husband in a discussion 'odetide which shall run the house.