Miscellaneous Extracts.

Wairarapa Standard, Volume XIX, Issue 1804, 8 March 1886, Page 3

Miscellaneous Extracts.

JDIARY OF A PRIG. This is the title of a publication which is at the present time amusing London sooiety. Here is an extract—the " prig " has jnat got up in the morning :—Resolved to lose no opportunity of improving myself. While washing my teeth, reflected on the eolemnity of life. In xny bath, thought of our. first parents in the Garden of Eden. While buttoning on my braces asked mysslf the question, " What do I live for ? " Resolution at breakfast not to talk too much in eoaiety, or make myself too agreeable. Afternoon : Walked with father to Hayhurst, where he had a funeral. Algebra, Hecuba Greek verses, and Hume till tea. Feeling of oppression after tea. Thoughts of death. What are those strange sensations which I sometimes suffer ? Have I some mysterious disease ? How many have died young i Why should not 1 1 Entertain myself by reaiing " Anatomy of Melancholy " until supper time. Felt much fervour at family prayers. In my own room, self examination. Oh! how I have wasted to-day. Opportunity neglected 1 Eaten too much tea. Oh, why do we gorge ourselves with the luxuries of this life ? Resolution. Will endeavour, as much as possible, to cheok the flippancy of thoße aronnd ns.

HE WAS MISTAKEN. The ..following good story is told by a contemporary :—A number of the Salvation Army, who had been on a visit toAshburton on their way to Dunedin entered the express train at the former station one morning They were all encased in ' the flaming uniform of the Army, which, in many respects, is not unlike that worn by most fire brigades. On the Salvationists entering the train they were accosted by a short-sighted old gentleman ensconced behind a newspaper, and who had just been reading of the contests which the different Fire Brigades of this colony and Ballarat had been holding at Napier. These, he thought, must be the Dunedin men returning with their honors" full upon them. He said, ' Ah, glad to see you, my boys. Allow me to welcome you home !' " Thank you in the Lord's name," replied the captain. 'Let me congratulate you on your victory,' continued the old patriot, shaking with warmth ; ' I feel proud to meet men who in the gallantry and patriotism of their soul will sacrifice their time and energy in the interests ofj their lellow-men. Allow me once more, to congratulate you.' With this the old gentleman shook the strangers warmly by the hand. * Hallelujah,'cried the Salvationist.' God save the old gentleman.' shrieked a voice from behind. ' Your victories have been read throughout the colony, and do honor to the city you represent,' the aged enthusiast again broke forth. 'Our guns were too much for the enemy,' responded the captain. 'We made 'em run,' ejaculated a subaltern. ■Prayers and hallelujah pistols,' sang out a major. Just as one of the holy warriors bad opened his gills and was airing his lungs for a hymn, the old gentleman, realising his error, made a rush for his carpet bag, and squeezing his hat firmly over his eyes, made a hasty departure for another carriage. A TALL STORY. A terrible explosion is reported from America. A hog, as they prefer to call the beast across the Atlantic, obtained access to a quantity of dynamite, near the town of Laurinburg. After making a hearty meal, the animal made its way into a field containing a number of mules. One of the latter appears to have kicked the intruder, when the hog instantly blew up with a terrible explosion, killing twenty mules on (he spot. TAKING THE CENSUS. We have not heard how Mr Maunsell succeeds in the Wairarapa among the Natives in taking the census, but some rather amusing anecdotes have lately come under the notice of the Rangitikei Advocate in connection with the collection of the Maori census, which tend to show thai, the aboriginals have not the slightest idea as to their respective ages. An old Maori, when questioned by the collector as to his age, after much thoughtful deliberation, calmly answered "1000 years" ; another, who was probably at the outside 50 years, seriously stated his age as no. A Maori woman, who had been in the enjoyment of matrimonial bliss for some years, and was the mother of three romping children, had, according to her own statement, as yet only attained the innocent age of 14 ! Even in our own highly cultured race it is generally accepted that ladies are desposed to "cut it fine'' on the point, but the extreme to which this dusky matron went should be sufficient to cause their fairer sisters to pause a moment before committing themselves. Truly it may be said of a Maori census collector that his '.' lot is not a happy one."

DUCKING A " SPONGER." The Woodville Examiner tells the story of how two local publicans were revenged on "a " sponger," who " had" both of them. They wont along the road after him, and caught np on him a few miles out of town. Our contemporary must be allowed to tell the rest in its own words ;—Without much

ado they proceeded to duck him in a stream close by, and held him undei- water till he cried for mercy. They made him kneel on the roadway, and in downright earnest pray to God to make him a better man. Thus satisfied they left him to his devices, and he has not been in the locality since "