JUST NONSENSE

Waipa Post, Volume 44, Issue 3183, 28 May 1932, Page 4 (Supplement)

JUST NONSENSE

A LITTLE LAUGHTER NOW AND THEN— ; Painter: Ever dry paint? The Sitting One: Yes. Painter: Well, the paint you’re sitting on won’t be that for 24 hours yet.. * * * * * Customer: Which leather makes thebest shoes? Shoe Salesmen: I don’t know, but banana skins make the best slippers. * * * * * Woman (in crowded car, to her friend): I wish that good looking man would give me his seat. Five men got up. * * * * * “ Can you imagine the arm of the ocean around a neck of land? " “ Why not ? I’ve hugged the shore myself.” ***** When Noah sailed the water blue -v He had his troubles, same as you. For forty days he drove the Ark, Before he found a place to park. * H* 3c Customer: That bacon you sent me yesterday was bad. Grocer: Impossible, madam- It was only cured last week. * * * * • She Marriage is a pottery. He: You mean lottery, dear? “No, I mean pottery—a place for making family jars.” ***** G:adys: He’s so romantic. When he speaks to me he always says “Fair lady.” Phyllis: That’s only force of habit. I expect he’s a tram conductor * * * * * An advertisement that appeared in the columns of an Indian paper: “ Mahomedsman, hair-cutter and clean shaver. Gentlemen’s throatscut with very sharp razors, with great care and skill. No irritating feeling afterwards. A trial solicited.” *****

Two Scotsmen were walking down the street, when one saw a two-shil-ling piece, and picked it up. The other borrowed it of him and had his eyes tested. *****

“ How do you know it was a stork and not an angel that brought your little brothers? ”

“ Well, I heard daddy complaining about the size of the bill, and angels don’t have bills.” ***** Chuniley: I tell my wife everything, sir—everything. Bach: Ever, tell her a lie? Chumley: Didn’t I say I tell her everything. *****

A small boy, having run an errand, was asked to go another. “ Eh, but I eanna’,” Re said “ I’m going to t’ pictures.’ '

It was pointed out to him that it was only six o’clock, whereas the cinema did not open till half-past. “ Eh,” he replied, “ but I’ve got to go home now and start to cry, an’ mother doesna’ give me the money till half-past.” 7 *****

The sergeant sang out at company parade: “All those fond of music step two paces forward! ’ With visions of soft jobs in the regimental band, half-a-dozen men stepped forward, smiling broadly. “Now, then,” ye.led the sergeant, “ you six chaps get busy and carry that grand piano in the basement up to the officers new quarters on the seventh floor! ” *****

Binks, suffering from a severe recovery the morning after the night before, felt too ill to go to the office and decided to phone and ask his boss for the day off. “I am sorry to say I had too much to drink, so to-day I feel too ill to do my work.” “ H’m! ” replied the boss. “ I admire your candid manner, but it is not necessary for you to be at the office-to-day.” “ Thank you very much, sir! ” “ Not at all—you know it is Sunday to-day.” ***** The tramp had just done an odd job. On being asked what he would like, he suggested a drop of whisky. The employer handed him his drink with the remark: “ That’s another nail in your coffin, my man.” “ Well, guv’nor,” replied the tramp*. “ while you’ve got the ’ammer ’andy # you might drive in another! ” * $ * + * A dismal and slightly battered figure emerged from the police court. “ ’Elio, Bill,” said a bystander, “ you look fed up.” “ No wonder,”’ responded Bill “Life ain’t ’arf hard, it ain’t.” “Wodyer mean? ” “ Well, think of this, Gene Tunney get two ’undred thousand quid, and I’m fined thirty bob, both for doing the same thing.” v ***** 1 “Now, Tommy,” she said, “which of the animals do you remember ? ” “The warmer,’ replied Tommy. “ Don’t be stupid. You must know there’s no. animal with a name like that.” Suddenly a small voice was heard in the back row. “Please, miss, I know e means. ’E means the ’otter.” • ***** A man stood behind an enormously fat woman in a crowd watching the beer from some broken barrels running down a sewer. “ Ha! ” he cried, “ never before m my life have I seen such a shameful Wcistc At the hospital some hours later he asked why the fat woman had attacked him.