JUST NONSENSE

Waipa Post, Volume 43, Issue 3392, 24 December 1931, Page 4 (Supplement)

JUST NONSENSE

■ i 4fe, A LITTLE LAUGHTER NO"S|AM» THEN. f; Landlady: "You shouldn't study »• hard, you look so weary." •*i Student: "I know, madam, but.F» studying for a degree." ..■■' ' Landlady: "That's foolish.- You ought to let him study for himself. • * * * •„•". Goldstein: " Wherever you go intbeworld you alius find us Jews are.tM leading people." ■»_.. McGregor: " Och, man, how man the North Pole? " , .T' . Goldstein: " Veil, Iceberg aufft Bt Presbyterian name!'"

Teacher: "Robert, give me a sentence using the word ' pasture.' j?, Robert: " went past your house*las* night." j.

Teacher: "Tommy, give meVthraf proofs that the world is round;" •jr " Well, you say so, Pa says sp, and Ma says so." \

" Samson lost his power when h« got his hair cut." ''"• " Things are different now. _ "When a woman gets a boy bob she is just beginning to assert her authority."

She (after spending the evening with the neighbours): "I think the Smyths are an ideal couple—they think all alike, about everything." He: "Yes, I noticed she always thinks first."

" James, have you whispered to-day without permission? " "Only wunst." " Leroy, should James have said wunst? " " No'm, he should have said twict." * * * *

Modern Shopper: "Have you anything snappy in rubber bands ? " Assistant: "No; but we have something catchy in fly papers." * * * * / He: "Say, girlie, let's get marrMd and take a long honeymoon." She: "Have you enough money? He: "No, but aren't you the girty that was left all that cash? " She: "No." He: " Oh, my goodness, I beg your pardon." * * * *

" Jane, you've forgotten to dust the drawing room," said the mistress in anger; "if this occurs again I shall really have to get another servant." " I wish you would, mum," said Jane pertly, "there's quite enough work for two." * * * *

"And did you like the sermon ok Sunday, Mrs Jones ? " asked the new curate with a simpering smile. "Very good indeed, sir," said Mrs Jones, "and so instructive. We really didn't know what sin was till you came here." * * * *

Cave-man Husband (sternly, to wife who has been shopping): "What do you want with a new frock? " His Wife (happily): " How thoughtful of you, darling Of course, I'd like a new hat to go with it."

* * * * Mistress: "I am Cornish by birth." New Maid: " Yer don't say so! I alius thought as they was caused by; tight boots.*? V

The teacher was examining the class to see how much they remembered of a natural history lesson given the day before. " No, Johnny," she said. "Which animal do you remember? " "The warmer," replied Johnny. "Nonsense! There's no such animal. Sit down! "

" Please, Miss, I know what 'e means," said another boy. "' E means the otter."

Office Boy: " I have a bad cold, sir, can I have the afternoon off? "

Boss: "No! Keep yourself well wrapped up in your work and you'll soon get well."

'•*\>. ' Vv'hen you came home last night you said you had been to the Grand with Mr Jones. Now you say it was the Trocadero! Why did you lie? " Husband: "When I came home I couldn't say Trocadero! " * * * * Man (in tent at showground): " I'll tell your fortune, sonny." Boy: "How much?" Man: " Sixpence! " Boy: "You are wrong; it's threepence!" ♦ * • ♦ * 4 Smith (of the country): "So you are leaving the district? " Brown: " Yes, my wife so often imagined that I was coming home intoxicated when I was only dodging the puddles in the road." The female members of an club were assembled for the annual banquet. When the presiding officer (Mrs Giraffe) gave the signal to be seated, all compiled excepting Mrs Ostrich who remained standing by her seat. The presiding officer noticed this and asked Mrs Ostrich why she was standing. Mrs Ostrich replied she was unable to sit down " because she had been hiding all the previous day from her husband and had become sunburnt." * * * * "Well, of all the nerve," she said", as she slapped his face. " Don't ever try to kiss me again." right," he replied, meekly, "if that's how you feel about it get off my lap." . * * * * Lady Golf Novice (after tenth swipe at ball): "Thank goodness, it's gone at last " Caddie: "It isn't the ball that'i gone, miss—it's your wrist-watch," > * * * O' " How do you like your new 'Neighbours ? "

" Great! They're the coldest, most unfriendly people you ever saw."