WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Waipa Post, Volume VII, Issue 331, 17 July 1914, Page 1

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Ho: I dreamt last night that your mother was ill. She: Brutel I heard you laugh in your sleep. ***** Pedestrian: Hey! You just missed me by an inch. Chaff eur: Be patient! Pm cooling back directly I ( * * * * * Frost (gazing at new dwelling): So this is your last house? Builder (sadly) : Ye 9 j last, hut not leased. • * * * *

Rosie: Mary Smith was married this morning. Josie: Who’s the happy man? Rosie: Her father. . * *. • * * Figg: As a talker, Brown’s wife is certainly a wonder. Fogg: Right you are! Wonders never oease. ***** Tell a girl she is an angel and the chances are she will want you to fly with her. * * * * * Most people cannot distingush between being well dressed and “swell” dressed. ***** If you have the key to success, you won’t have much trouble in finding the keyhole. • # # • * What caused Plunder's downfall? He lost his balance. His balance? Yes—at the bank. * * * * I’ve just washed a suit for my boy • —and now it seems to be too tight for him. He’ll fit it all right if you ~ wash' the boy. ****»' Gertie: I wish you to know that 1 don’t stand on trifles. Helen (glancing at her feet): No, dear—l see you don’t. ***** Jiggs: I tell you, that new landlord of mine is a pretty square fellow. Biggs: So’s mine, but he’s always round on rent day. ***** Wife: John, our cook has become engaged to the milkman. Hub: Well, engagements are breakable and you know Bridget. • * * o «

Old Rocksey: Why did you quarrel with the Count, dear ? Miss Rocksey: Ho called me treasure, and it sounded almost too suggestive. • # * * * Here’s an account of a fellow who took two years to make a toothpick. Seems overdrawn, eh? Oh,. I don’t know. I know of a mother who took five years to make a match.

Mr. Wibbles: What fine dark hair you have, Miss Knox. My wife, who is younger than y<.u are, has her hair quite grey. Miss Knox: Yes, and if I’d been your wife no doubt my hair, would have been gray too.

Henry, Henry, she whispered, in great excitement, I’m sure there’s a burglar in the kitchen. You had better go down at once. Not I, replied Henry, pulling the bedcotlies over his head; I’ve never associated with burglars yet, and I am not going to begin now.

Old Lady: I should like a ticket for the train. Ticket Collector (who thinks he will make a joke): Yes’m. Will you go in the passenger train or in the cattle train? Lady:* Well, if you are a specimen of what I shall find in the passenger train, give me a ticket for the cattle train, by all means.

Hero: Harve you no pity in your. Heart? Is there no tenderness in your nature? Are you wholly made up of cruelty? Villain: Ha, ha! You appeal, to a heart of stone. (Hissing). I was once the centre-forward of a football team. Hero: Then Heaven help US all! There is no hope. ( «v » * * First Comedian: Did you enjoJi yourself in the Isle of Wight? Second' Comedian: Well enough] but it’s aj peculiar place. First Comedian: How’s; that? Seeond Comedian: Well, it* Jias Needles you can’t thread, Fresh-; (water you can’t drink, Cowes you can’t milk, and Newport you can’t bottle I