WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Waipa Post, Volume VII, Issue 329, 10 July 1914, Page 1

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Waiter: This is a bad half-sovereign sir. Diner: I know. It was a bad dinner. ■** * * « What are you crying for, Teddy? ’Cos brother hit me. What did ho hit you for? Crying-. * * * * * Swellby: How much does a dresssuit like that cost? Masher: Two-and-six an hour. * * * * * The singer (with feeling): Will you miss me ? Voice (from back of hall): Gimme a gun and I’ll try not to 1 **' * * * “I like to go to church.” “Why?” “Well, it’s comforting to See one man keep so many women quiet for an hour.” * # * * * “That fellow looks rather comfortable in spite of the weather,” “Yes; he takes things easy. He’s a pickpocket, you know.” * - * * * Proud Papa: My daughter studied painting abroad. Friend: I thought so. I never saw a sunset like that in this country. * * # » * Crawford: Do you really like, to please your wife ? Crabshaw:' I can’t say that I do, but I’ve found out that it’s the best plan. ■ #*#**• Subscriber: I’ve been at the ’phone for ten minutes. Sweet Voice at Exchange: Yes, but that’s nothing. I’ve been here all day. * * * * *

“The hairs of our heads are all num- ( bered, you know.” “So are the motor cars. But that doesn’t prevent either from going fast.” * * * * *

“Did you settle with your neighbour about his dog barking at night?” “Oh, yes!” “Buried the hatchet, eh?” “No. Buried the dog.”

“How is your son getting on with his violin-playing?” “Not very well. We can’t tell yet when he’s tuning up and when he’s playing.”

****** Mother: Professor, what do you think of little Arthur as a violinist? Professor: I like the way he puts the fiddle back into the case. *** * * ,

Mrs. Henpeck: If I were to die would you marry again, John? Mr. Henpeck: Well—er—not right away. I’d take a little rest first.

“And what do you regard as the greatest triumph of modern surgery?” “Collecting the bills,” promptly responded the great practitioner. * * * * *

“I’ll be ready in a minute,” she said to her husband, “You needn’t hurry now,” he called up some time'later, “I find I shall have to shave again.” o # * t *

Mrs. Dunnit: How did you make your husband cut off his beard ? Mrs. Stoppit: I gave him a diamond scarfpin for a birthday present.’ **- * * *

Hardupp seems worried. Has he been disappointed in love?” “Yes; the girl’s father went smash a. fortnight after Hardupp married her.” * * * *

Browne: Lend youmy motor? What’s the matter with your own ? Robinson; Oh, I don’t understand running a car well enough yet to use my own.

Lady: What do you think ? I have a maid who gets up early iu the morning without being called. Chorus of Voices: Impossible! Lady: But it’s true; she’s in love with the milkman. * * * * „

Swipes: I say, Chimmie, I was out in the country yesterday. Chimmie: What did yer* see there ? Swipes: Lots o’ grass what yer didn’t have ter keep, off. * * * * * * ■ Brown: Yes; I’m acquainted with your wife, old man. I knew her before you married her. Smith: Ah! that’s, where you Have the advantage of mti, I didn’t.