WIT AND HUMOR.

Waipawa Mail, Volume XXVIII, Issue 5245, 11 April 1908, Page 6 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOR.

Be: Have you ever redlly bated ■ ummii Bile: Ouue. 1 tried for u v*o*K to nuike hi* propone, uud be wouldn’t. He woe )uat Im*. rid! "A pleuaant walk," »i»ld Herr r»ua«nbe»w», after u aLreuuouit climb to tbe u>p of tt« mi.unUbi, wiping Hi» pemplruiUm froui 14 brow; "my wife couldu’l epeur- a word qj ibe way up.” Hdilh: Mamma, mayn't I play tie? i-i-uo, iltlle to-dayV Mother: Hut, u»y dear. »oe Ki-andmu bun only lieuu deu?l a week, and - „ Edith: Put i’ll piny v?-ry eoftly, unuim Motlii-r: Ob, very woll. but be careful u» u# only llie black key a! Client: I should like your advb*. A niuu tbreutemd l?» pull my noae. What would ad vine me lo doT Lawyer (who reoeuta hu<% tlirilling tile 11 la): I abeuld propose that aou|t it wHI; (Ik? 11, when hi? ultviupta U» am it. It wifi ulip throuKli bia tlugeiM. Two plouae! On llie way home from one **f their uw«t. ingu two new couneillurri were having ?? Uk over tbu night’m nmceodlngi. ”Wb)l did huddy meun, Jock, liy auyiiiK <hat Ha ?i?mik rule wiui 10.6 (he tlinoaunV' r "Whit did L mean by 10.6 T Woi-1. am im’ awlu' alvd,, Turn, bill n ex|M??-t lie liiuMlll that (h?‘M> 10 touk dee?!, und f* on the flint o' demit," The mluiuter wan visiting bit "flock," happi'iu-il Ui cull on «u ol?f farmei who vir r Hoidom went to church. This duy the fouud him poring over Ida Hlblt? with inr* pupa lylnx at Ilia font. R?i a??('OHled him 1 l*ue. "I'm hind fo mo* you tmnrovmx tn your uif o«e. John.” "Me improving? ' auld Urn |»|. uit-r, "I'm looking for naiina for the dona" A worthy old Halt In one of our tuaMl mu ih ouhl |»orU? laid the mlafortuue t?» hna) hka leg. One ufieruuon during Ida IHn« me h| got hold of Home "mild kirk,” uud wna utg. ing merry, when the doctor < aim? (»» vbx him. On opuning tlio door Iho doctor ft* aatoiilHbed to meet Ida patlont crawling aUq iho lobby, mid, cxproMHing hia horrlii? d mu. price, our win of Neptune explained Ihua: "or, doctor, 1 wu» Jiat comlu’ le u* door to I mud yer borao (ill y»? wed ?;?>iu»|| An old gentleman wum recently tiavi-uij from Dai lbiKloo to laxudon. Oppoalte lilui«( a young man with rmuuikably long leg which la? wum not very particular about 4 gtng Into the old K«?utleindu'H kuom (in Ik amvul of Hi.? train «*t Hugby the long man oha«*j-ved to hIH lu-lghhoi : "1 ihlukl him II gel out here? und etretc.b lay I'll 1 little." "Kor Hoodneaa, Hake, man, don't k 1 Iml!” huid our friend, "for I'm Mini lliefn fur ower lung u great deal already." A country tailor found lilmaelf In •??• ■«). ward hx. lie wuutud U» order two flat Iroq of iho typo known uh tatlor'a got>ai\ hut fc looked at ll»« order he bud written and ui«| liih bead. "Two (ullor'a K«KkK.-B," be ».« tored. "That don't look rigid T w?* t“lbfi g( ,aa„. No, I'm hure that <-un't l»u ughl' lit* pondered the question until bo Imm* quite worried, but finally bit on the billitM id?*i of wilting bis order:- "M?«mom Please Hi nd one Ullor’a gone?*. I*.« You«i amid two instead of one."—T.lJ The economical friend bud divided that 6 really must give a niwauut to <•"; bndHgiH tlml, was U» In?, and bo according y wruui un uiiqualnlunco in (h*» trad?*, uekiiig lilui do tin? best lie could for him •Pu « »lH Ik having |>"Ml.? <*•-, «m tho mriv.il *>! Hi"P* ret, lie ni-dlrected It liuiin dluli-ly to llm h* (Png Henedict, and tho I utter'a <«nfld«ua»| tho goiieioHity of lilh friend wim a IN Him ken when, on opening P. bo found lis eompnuleil title note: lack dm know bow tills will null. 1 don l think me of It myeelr. but It is the beet wo « MI for half u-crown.” A celebrated cheas player wuh noted for• peculiarity -lie never | l«yod t?»r money. It duv hi* wuh conteaUng a game with a ■ opponent, when n meml»?‘r. whose a Pro j always elmhhy und bla face and respondlugly dirty, vunturnd to give "‘"Pta hoiik? gralullouH udvlce. Tim ptaycr J 1 l,| H for Home time, but when (he elioN member taiil. "I'm pb'im-d to hear y?"i M I,lay for fllihy luere." the player rose M hie eeiit., and dhouled loudly M luutl tilthy Im re I object to bo much u« tho flk| Tloglnald dc Koven. th« '‘wnpooer MUi a grocer and druggist who attended 11W1J concert Ah tho programme did not pM thorn, (hey begun talking on music In geM and on Wagner In pardrular^ "Another example of the that M man wants to do Hoinothlng out of hi» ng •aid H"? druggist "Tlittt'e right," nenerted the (truiir 1 I’m 11 grocer, but I’ve always wanted to I v!t rvi. iilw.y. wun'.'il '*• writ.* u Imi.h ?V J 1,:,, will*, hi. h.»4 .1 nrajJ-.h list? II to It. And yet w?? ell know lif uW good parlor csrs!” After « careful and Impartial lonsldml of all tho evidence bearing on • «»•* (In- inveHtlgatPig fominltlc report* tint* wl.h'l.n.lmV Pf- ""J2 respectHltilPy the following uro undouMg tlJlIlll?' fill? <e ’ Th.? hull in <ho chins simp. The wolf at the door The flv in the ointment. Tho dog in the iitatiwr. Tho hoe in tiio bonnet T'lgfl in clover -1 Tin? flea in the ear. , Time flic* The Wcl.ih rabbit. n’roin (lino Immemorial there had law In Applegate, county Warwick,! lunil to the effect that tho Mayor hid• best,' of everything «•» town. • n \j"s H | u ono Hlmilld hi?V lo- hud the b<-»l« In the place, bo must add tho word*, v oept tie- Mayor.'* , - foil? liiiv I? lil'nng.T CBII.O to AnphiyHh had dinner id tl"- Inn. After paylnK «JwJ ho Mild (4> th« landlord : "l'v« bad <»« ■ dinner In Iho eountry The Landlord: Except. * li« Mayor. Tim ftlranger: ICxcopt nothing Am 0 result the tourist wiih « nlba «■ ,1,„ 'I II'"”? ?•'« "' .fl hur of tin? law* of tin* pb?" Wl " " j Si p.. Min. »- ii- »"■“»« ’J 1,1 .lowly -I in llm l>l«««i»t fool l» « f. X ce|ii tin? Mayor.” An Hn*ll«li inurint Win Iravrillm M Hu, North i.l «"* , >1 wlileh the train ,„,.„„.rs rnlcr.il. Tlicv nirn. »rwt ~.r.i|.1. I *lV IIH'« UP *'■« «?!S| ■ b ii|„ „r 11,., .iimi.itninniiut At ti" , tlii* <hmr opened to admit vJ Individual, li" endiHVored to we' k m l»clween two of (ho 1 ‘ ,iiih, ull operation, In? said to oiP?® ••ICxcuhc me. air. y??'i ".UHt Ht "P * ■ scat I* intended to sceommodijl?- «vs IJJJ olid, according to A« l of 1 SI biin nl. nnly entitl'd In elghtron ln?hes ' "»v jiv, my friend, replied ’ hl u 1 .'ltiiiV’H v, ry kul'l Inr vou. “f j 41,1,1 W i»v, but ve cniiiiH lilanm . • Pxi* mini nu ll it arnor4ln« In Ad «