The Waipawa Mail. Published Tuesdays, Thursdays & Saturdays. Thursday, October 5, 1893 THE HUMOR OF LIBERALISM.

Waipawa Mail, Volume XVII, Issue 2979, 5 October 1893, Page 2

The Waipawa Mail. Published Tuesdays, Thursdays & Saturdays. Thursday, October 5, 1893 THE HUMOR OF LIBERALISM.

It is a lamentable fact, but one that cannot be gainsaid, that all the literary humor is on the side of the “ Liberals.” Those who do the scribbling for the other side are very dull doge indeed. They are so prosaic, and so averse to giving the reins to their imagination, that although tough reasoners they lack the coruscating sparkle which throws such a charming glamour over the utterances of their Seddonese contemporaries. We ourselves are not quite free from the defect alluded to, as is shown by the fact that we are content to use the word “ contemporaries ” when referring to Liberal newspapers. Had one of the latter—the erudite and genteel News, for instance—felt called upon to speak of us, it would have wittily and rhetorically described us as “a wretched print.” It might even have risen to the height of “ contemptible rag,” which giddy altitude has more than once been attained by it. Its superior humor is also discernible in the excellent fooling which leads it to refer to us occasionally as the “Wail,”—a joke invented by it some five years ago, and carefully remembered ever since, as such a triumph of intellect deserves to be. Did we but possess wit of a similar order, we should long since have discovered humor of a peculiarly subtle kind in alluding to our gentlemanly, polite, and learned contemporary as the “ Stews,” or “ Jews,” or “ Shrews.” But we admit our weakness. Such wit is beyond us. We can only wonder at the talent of our Liberal brothers of the pen, and drop a melancholy tear as we contemplate our own deficiencies. An instance of the latter occurs to us as we write. There is a Liberal Association. There are several Liberal Associations. And although some of them only number, all told, the secretary and a couple of “ right color” Justices, each with designs upon Parliament, the numerical and other peculiarities of these organisations do not lead us to the conclusion that we should invest in a “Joe Miller”—failing natural wit—to assist us in describing them as other than “ associations.” If we have to refer to one or other of them saying or doing anything, we in our dull jogtrot of mere narrative simply say, “The Liberal Association has done so and so.” But the smart fellows who offer incense to the regenerators of mankind known as Seddon and Beeves have a much more charming method of doing things. There are, for instance, associations that delight, in the wickedness of their corporate hearts, in trying all they know to frustrate the designs of the aforesaid Liberal Associations. It is very wicked of them to act in that way,

seeing that, according to Gladstone, to oppose a Liberal in his politics h to fight against God, but the fact is as we have stated. These iniquitous combinations call themselves National Associations. Sometimes they say or do things, like their Liberal superiors. If we have to refer to them in that connection we call them National Associations.* But not so the witty people. They know that only Liberals can form associations, and therefore decline to recognise that word as applied to those not of the true faith. Their method, therefore, when humorously sitting upon the chests of their opponents, is to affirm that “ the National Ass has again brayed.” Here is at once wit, argument, and elegance of diction. It must also be admitted that the dull Tory dogs also lack the chivalry of the sparklers who write for the true friends of the people. If we have to refer to the editor of a contemporary we can get no farther than, say, “ the editor of the Herald or of the Telegraph as the case may be. The gentlemanly News would in referring to those newspapers feel bound in the interests of Liberalism to humorously speak of “ the scribbler who has access to the columns of a Tennyson-street print.” But wben it has to call attention to an organ of the regenerators of mankind, its readers are referred to the scholarly and gentlemanly writer who, in accordance with the fact that he is descended from Tom Drum, and was sent to school by fond and confiding parents, manifests his nobility of mind, his scholarship, and his boundless wit, by taking paragraphs from English papers and “ faking” them up as original. We are bound to admit that we don’t feel quite sure of our descriptive powers here, but we will maintain against '“all comers that all the eulogistic part would be right. Now, why can’t the Tory hacks and penny-a-liners stick together and praise each other as do their Liberal brethren ? The answer, alas, is but too easy. The heavy-brained and leaden-footed dullness which is content to say “ Liberal Association” when it might say “ Liberal Ass” does not know enough to get in out of the rain, let alone form a mutual admiration society. Just as all the humor is on the side of Liberalism, so must all the chivalry, and all the self-praise which is the sole recommendation, and the other good qualities we are too busy to think of just now, be with the friends of the people. It takes a scholar and a gentleman to talk Seddonese and flatter the late host of the Queen’s Arms, Kumara, and all people of that description are Liberal journalists.