WIT AND HUMOUR.

Waipawa Mail, Volume XIV, Issue 2602, 2 May 1891, Page 1 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR.

AN EASY CHAIR Is stamped on every bar of tho Original, Genuine Magic Soap, which washes clothes in 20 minutes without rubbing or injury, and improves all it comes iu contact with. Shilling bare; all grocers. Factory: Mamock Vale, Geelong. Offices: 383 Pitt street, Sydney.— (An vi’.) Too many men confound a curiosity to know about their neighbours with a thirst for knowledge. Thbbf.’b a time for everything. Takinr off your boots after you get to bed indicates a Lig’u old time. . “ Yus, marriage is a lottery, and I am flrawmg a prize,” aud tbe young man laughed as ho pulled tho baby-crutch up the stairs. “ TnAT’n my C'holly at the door. I know Lis nng,” said Ethel. “So do I,” returned Mattie. ,^I y wore the ring six weeks before you got The man who promptly pays his bills Ib lonesome; Who never felt the poor man’s chills Is lonesome; Who can always meet his debts. And who never, never bets, Who flirts not with the girls—the pets, la lonesome—awfully lonesome. Snapper : “ Who is that idiot that just wont out, leaving the door opon V” Cynic: “II o’« the fellow who swore so because someone »-ls«s left it open.” Amy: “Sashes have gone. It’s not the fashion to wear anything round the waist at present.” Jack: “ Isn’t a coat-sleeve allowed there occasionally?” My boy, if kissing be a sin, And you expect to win her, I fear you’d better now begin To be a dreadful sinner. Badgering Attorney : “ Insanity runs in your family, I believe?” Long-suffering Witness: “ Well, my grandfather quit gathering rags to become a lawyer.” Giles: “How is it you didn’t send that borrowed money you promised, when you knew I was ill?” De Jinks: “ You aee, I heard you were likely to die.” Tommy Judkins: “Papa, what do they mean by a selling rare? Is anything actually sold?” Tudkins, sen: “ Yes, my son, and it is usually the public.” Wipe : “ Horrors ! Husband, I’ve just heard there is a case of smallpox in the flat above us.” Husband: “Yes; I know about it. That’s all right. It’s tho young man who plays the flute.” “ Did you hear the last joke ?” “ No, and I don’t suppose I ever shall.” “It goes this way: You usk a fellow why the first thing used in making a shoe is the next to the last,” “ Well ?” “ That’s awl.” “ Coulb you learn to love me, darling r »» Thus he whiskered with a sigh. “ Weil, I might in time,” she murmured, “But I do not care to try!” “What are you £oing to do?” asked a young iuan of lus friend who was learning to ride a bicycle, “break the record?” “No, I don’t thiua. I’ll do that,” was the reply, “ It’ll be either my neck or my bicycle.” One Matron ; “ No, I do not allow my husband to Hddress me by my Christian name.” Another Marion : “I shouldn’t mind that at all. It is the un-Christian names he breaks out with every once iu a while that I object to.” “ Do you notice that Juggles always carries a cane nowadays?” “Yes. It was voted to him at a church bazaar for being the ugliest man in tho county. He wants to meet onco more the man that made the presentation speech.” Mrs. Jinks (musingly): “I asked Dr. Aouapur&if whisky was good for cold, and he said * No.’ ” Mr. Jinks : “ Well, I don’t believe I’ve got a cold anyhow. It’s something else. Did the doctor mention what diseases wLitky was good for?” She : “I could have married either Whipperor Snapper if I’d wanted to, and both of those men, whom I refused, have since got rich, while you are still as poor as a church mouse.” He: “Of course. I’ve been cupporting you all these years. They haven’t.” Unsentimental. Mr. Poeticus (entering cheerfully) : “My love is like the red, reel rose!” Mrs. Poeticus (looking up from tho bler, if you’d been bending over a frying-pan for twenty minutes !” The Way He Put It.—Brown, who is a declared cnemv of the piano, was thus chid by hts hostess at an entertainmont: “ The pianist complain* that you were talking while he was playing.” “On the contrary, madam, it :% I who «houl<l complain, because he was playing while 1 was talking.” He was Bttch a fine Peelbr !—Mis-tres3 : “Bridget, how many times have I told you that I didn’t want you to have callers during the day, and there was that red-haired police man in too kitchen aguin this morning.* Bridget: “ mum, he is a great hilp.” Mistress : “A great, help ? What do you mean r” Bridget : “ Yis, mum, about the petaties, end tomaties, and eich loike.” Mistress : “ How can he help you with the potatoes and tomatoes?” Bridget “Faith an’ 4 Le’M rich a foine peeler.”