SHE FELL-HE TUMBLED.

Waipawa Mail, Volume IX, Issue 883, 21 January 1886, Page 4

SHE FELL-HE TUMBLED.

It was on a corner. Oq <i public, icy comer. As I approached it from one direction an angel approached it from the opposite I mean an angel in female clothing—l 4 dollar hat—seal-skin sacqne-—8 dollar boots—and such a face and form ! As we were about to pass she fell. There was no bag of sand business about it, but she simply uttered a litttlc shriek—a very little one—tossed up her right arm, and then gracefully settled down in a heap, with one foot and ankle peeping out from under her dress. I’ll be banged ! if it wasn’t the most graceful thing in the books—the prettiest, sweetest, daintiest fall ever seen in public. Qnieker’n chain lightning I made up my mind to n.any her. I had fully dethroned to marry her. I had fully determined never to marry a woman who . slipped down like a bow-legged quadruped and made herself an object of ridicule to the public. Months passed. So did I. My love never grew cold. She took occasion to fall again—this time off, a step-ladder in the backyard as we trained a climbing rose. Gracious ! but how beautiful ! She didn’t go clown with a swoosh and a kerjunk. but descended like a bird—slowly, gracefully, quietly, properly. After that I hastened the marriage clay. I bad long ago determined never to marry onq of those women who kick theVstepladder through the back fence as they take a tumble. We were spliced. Mv happiness kicked the beam at 2,000 pounds. Inside of a week she threw a clock at nm. Next day she went into a mad fit and kicked two panels out of a door, and several panels out of me. She tried to saw me in two with a case-knife. She sought to explode a can of tomatoes under my chin ns I sl- pt. S!io stole my watch and pawned it—she plundered my wallet —she placed a torpedo in my path, and she fled with n in an who was selling patent stove blacking—three packages for twenty-five cents, warranted not to raise any dust or spot the carpet. Let ’em fall ! I stand on very icy corners and wait and grin and anticipate. I cachinnate and chuckle. lam heartless. Let ’em fall gracefully or otherwise. Let ’em descend like feathers, or with a hump which snakes the earth. Let ’em scramble on all-fours, mad and chagrined, or let ’em remain in graceful position until soft-hearted fool rushes up to extend a hand. I am there, but T an immovable, implacable, unrelenting. —Free Press. -Vml flic Fittest Nnrvivis Student —“ An English scientist lias decided that hard drinking is a benefit to the community.” Man-About-Town—“ Row’s that ?' ? Student—“ Why, by the certainly and celerity with which it destroys the weak and inferior classes.” M.A.T.— “That’s a cheerful way of looking at it. Won’t you take something ?” Student—“ Certainly, in a purely philanthropic way. Let the good work go on.” —Boston Globe. The Unlf Stream. Some information about the Gulf Stream is given by a Boston scientist. It is a stratum of warm blue water not more than fifty fathoms deep, and it flows due cast at a rate that would take it to England within 100 days. Off Cape Hatteras tin's northward flowing stream is in the form of a fan,its three warm bands spreading out over the Atlantic surface to an aggregate breadth of 107 miles, while two cooler bands of an aggregated breadth of 52 miles are interposed between them. —Free Press.