JUST LAUGHTER

Waikato Independent, Volume XXXI, Issue 2781, 28 November 1931, Page 4 (Supplement)

JUST LAUGHTER

A LITTLE NONSENSE NOW AND THEN— Sandy (to his wife): Stop sewing for a minute and lend me your thimble. Our visitor wants a drink. * * * * Wilfred: Who’s Gladys engaged to this week? Alfred: There’s no way to be sure,, but there’s a rumour around that it’s me. * * * * 'Boring Young Man (holding forth to pretty girl): You know, I’m funny like that—always throw myself into anything I undertake. Pretty Girl (sweetly): How splendid! Why don’t you dig a well? * * * * The departing guest had been given his bill, and shortly afterwards the manager said to the head waiter: “You gave the man in room 29 his bill, didn’t you? ” “ Yes, sir,” was the reply. “ I didn’t forget to charge for anything, did I ? ”, inquired the manager. “ Not that I know of,” answered the waiter. “ Strange, very strange,” muttered the other, “ I can still hear him whistling.” + * * * Alice (acidly): I hear that you’ve accepted Jack. I suppose he never told you he once proposed to me? ” \ Ethel: “ No, not exactly. He mere^* ly said that he had done a lot of silly things before meeting me. But I didn’t ask him what they were.” * * * * “Help! Help! Throw me a lifebelt! ” cried a man who had fallen overborad. “ Certainly, sir What size are you. round the waist ? ’’ said the passenger - who was a tailor by trade. * * * * In the North of Ireland some time ago a young man of the farming classwas taking the girl of his hopes and . 'dreams for a walk. He was anything but a conversationalist; in fact he was so embarrassed he just managed to deliver himself of one remark: “I . believe the meal’s up.” When it came to parting time he asked her when he would see her again.

She replied: “Better wait till the meal comes down.

* * « * c Jones: Hullo, Smith, you look worried. ;. , . . .. - ,

Smith: Worried! I should say so. I’ve lost my glasses, and I can’t look for them until I find them. ' : *• ■ * * * Paddy: I know a man who is married for 30 years and he stays at home every evening.

May: Isn’t that wonderful? That’s what I call real love.

Paddy: Oh, no, my dear; it’s rheumatism.

Mother: You were naughty to eat up all those biscuits at tea time. -Y only put them on the table to fill up space.

Tommy: Well, that’s just what I did do with ’em, ma. * * * *

A new baby brother had arrived at Willie Jones’s house.

“ What is your little brother’s name, Willie? ” asked a friend, “We don’t know yet,” said the little boy. “ None of us can under- - stand a word he says.” ' ' * « * *

“ Who lives in that big house at the corner,. Dennis ? ” ' “The widdy O’Malley, sor, who is

dead.” “ Indeed. When did she die? ” “If she’d lived till next Sunday she’d been dead a year.” ' * * * *

Jackson came home after a visit ' to friends. > , '

“ Well,” asked his wife, “ did you see the Jones twins? ” “Yes.” “ Oh, George,” she went on eagerly, “don’t you think the boy is the picture of his father? ”

“ Yes,” he said, “ I certainly do. * { And the girl is the talkie of her mother.”

The visitor to the small travelling circus found two of its junior members weeping bitterly. “ What’s the matter ? ” he inquired, kindly, of the boys. “ The elephant’s dead,” they sobbed. “ Did you, then, love the big animal so dearly? ” asked the visitor. “ Love him, nothin’,” said the two together, “The boss has just told us we’ve got to dig his grave! ”

A little girl of five years old was, greatly excited, as she had been invited to a wedding. 'As the date drew near she plied her mother with all sorts of questions. One day, looking quite sad, she asked: “Mummy, why do they not want to keep Joan?” Joan was the name of the bride. Mother was rather taken aback, but after a short time was able to. see daylight. It appears that the child had heard someone say that the bride was being “ given away ” by her brother

He was a new-comer to the bank, and consequently found his' duties rather hard to remember; but all this was forgotten when he received his first pay envelope. In a businesslike manner he quickly checked the contents before signing the receipt. Then his eye caught the words underlined in black: “Your salary is your personal business and a confidential matter. It should not be disclosed to anyone.” The new clerk grinned as ho picked up his pen and signed his name. Be-, low he added briefly: , “ I won’t mention it to anybody. I am as much ashamed of it as you are.”