Miscellaneous.

Wairoa Bell, Volume V, Issue 166, 7 October 1892, Page 7

Miscellaneous.

Mrs Lastly : ‘ Oh, John, isn’t it nice that we hav - moved to this new town? Now you won’t have to work at all to speak of, and the salary is larger.’ Rev. John Lastly : £ JNlot work, Mary, what do you mean ?’ Mrs L : ‘ Why, the three barrels of sermons which we brought from Easyville have never been heard here and you can usa them again,’ Rev. John L. : £ Yes, so I had fondly hoped, but, alas, it is not to be. Deacon Dobbs, of Easyville, has moved his family here, and he has heard them all.’ Wash a baby up clean and dress him up pretty, and he will resist all advances with a most superlative crossness ; but let him eat chocolate, gingerbread and play about with the coal-scuttle for about half an hour, and he will nestle his dear little dirty face close up to your cleau shirt bosom and be the lovingest little rascal in all the world, Sunday School Superintendent : £ Who led the children of Israel into Canaan ? Will one of the smaller boys answer?’ (No reply). Superintendent (somewhat sternly) e ‘ Can no one tell ? Little boy on the seat next to the aisle— ‘ Who led the children of Israel into Canaan ?’ Little boy (badly frightened) : £ lt wasn’t me. I —I just moved here last week from Dunedin.’

One night Brown came home very late, and found his wife evidently prepared to administer a Candle lecture. Instead of going to bed he took a seat, and, resting his elbow on his knees, seemed absorbed in grief, sighing heavily, and uttering such exclamations as ‘ Poor Smith, poor fellow.’ Mrs Brown, moved by curiosity, said sharply : 4 What’s the matter with Smith ?’ ‘ Ah,’ said Brown, £ his wife is giving him fits just now,’ Mrs Brown let her husband off that time. £ X h re was an annoying hitch in the gr at ocean scene in my play last night,* said a young playwright, with a sad smile, £ When the hero jumped off the raft to save the heroine he got off in the wrong place, and one of the waves kicked him in the stomach. It seemed to knock all "the sense out of him, for he got up and walked ashore.’ £ What did the heroine do ?’ ‘ She sat on a wave and laughed.’ Sympathetic old lady (to convict : ‘ Ah, my unfortunate friend, your fate is" indeed a hail one; and as she thinks of you here in this dreadful place, how your wife must suffer !’ Convict (very much affected) ; ‘Why, which one, mum? I’m here for bigamy.’ George Grossmith tells a story of how the income-tax people once overreached themselves. Long aEter his father’s death they sent in a first notice, assessing his income at, £2,000, Taking the document George wrote across it, £ I am glad to learn my father is doing so well in the next world ; £2,000 a year is a good deal more than lie ever earned in this. Kindly forward this notice to his new address”, and remember me affectionately to him.’ He then nested the note back to the office. They presumably took tho hint, for no claims have been received at George, junior’s, house.