A COSTLY JOKE.

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 4077, 21 February 1894, Page 5

A COSTLY JOKE.

There are a good many Scotchmen in the Antipodes, and they will relish the following good story of how a simple Highlander skinned the eye of a would-be smart Sassenach. In one of the Western Islands lives a very considerable farmer, whose physical proportions are in nowise on a par with his intellectual capacity. He is worth a sight o' brass, but hi person he is so "shilpit" and mean that strangers are apt to treat him contemptuously. One day on board a local steamer our friend (whose name for the purposes of this yarn shall be MacTavish) made the acquaintance of an English drummer of "loud" complexion. This person set himself to get a rise out of the diminutive and shabby Hielandman. They were taking a dram in company, and Bags was boasting of his trade connection in the Highland and the Islands. "Aye, and what was it that you wass sellin', whateffer?" queried MacTavish. " Oh, everything from coals to coffins," said Bags with a chuckle. "Aye, aye; and was it coffins you sell? Tear, tear. But you will not be sellin' many coffins in these parts at all ?" " Oh, yes ; heaps of them," said Bags, ".at all prices; delivering them every day." " And what will be the prices of your coffins, moreover ?" " Oh, I have 'em at all prices ; from 2s 9d to £20." " Well, welL It will be a paby's coffin at 2s 9d, forebye ?" " Not a bit of it," said Bags ; " a full-sized 6ift by 4£ft deal box, well made, well seasoned and finished, furnished with screws and handles — all for 2s 9d cash." MacTavish meditated awhil cover the manifest advantages of securing a supply of 6£f t by 4ift deal boxes at 2e 9d apiece, if only for herring packing. " And do you deliver those coffins at that price?" "Oh, yes," said Bags, "carriage paid to Portree, Stornoway, or where you like." " Well," says Mac, suddenly waking up from his confidences with the whisky tumbler, " I'll tak' a t'ousand of them coffins for cash, to be delivered at once. Ant here's tae ye!" "Right you are," quoth Bags, taking the joke (and the dram) ; •'I'll book you, but I'm thinkin' you'll be some time a-working off that stock." " May be aye," said Mac. " But my memory's not coot, an' you will be writin' just a little note down in my book." The pocket book was produced, and Bags, following up his joke, I jotted down the order and initialled it for the firm. Then another dram and yet another, and finally a parting. Some weeks later the principals of the Bagman received a curt note from A. MacTavish asking why 1,000 coffins at 2s 9d each, as per specification, had not been delivered, and requesting them to be forwarded by next steamer, Freight paid, without fail. As the firm knew no more about coffins than they knew about Chinese— being wholly in the soft goods line— their bewilderment may be imagined. They queried, they scoffed, they argued and blustered, but all to no purpose. Mac held them responsible for the action of their drummer, and finally the firm had to part with a good round sum in lieu of delivery. The fate of the smart young man need not be told.

Menai Bridge is being relaid with a steel pathway.