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Tuapeka Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1890, 23 April 1892, Page 2 (Supplement)

Wearer : r. ■ ;,';; w; r. ..■•> .' !,:]._!• 1 Lr -tj, i''J Lj^U-ll Cf.. 1. she iJ'.-'L.a U. 0 /.Uli) Mil

in rcctu, To m,.J, s d-. cs at lroZ tU; a f t jK w axy iat, Iv3t the horiiDlsj cowyoovl we cvtrvvttre b>eet. Wbo knows how 10 hoi!, tc fry, and tc roast, -lake a cup of coot us, and a ykitir oi icatt. A woman who wibhes, cock', iiens, &»d BCKF, Acd mends ail thn rios in a feilovs'a old clothes, And tniikea her own ganacLis— cs ittrr, thai

grevrs Quite highly fxpireiro, p.?. cveiy C cn knouts. io teach and to guide— ex- lrtti, n iicfd— A sort of an angel acd huiiewi^ cciuc-iceji

Hyenas are the " iacghirg stock " art" on*, beaere. He Took a Chair.- Ho («n ecirr^g in* diriiugrocrn, to hcUm) : '-Sl^y I B ;t 01 your right, hard?" Hostess : "I wculd rather yoa would taxi a ehtiir, eir.'' Teacher Cm grammar cleft) : "Tommy, eorrmt n,e scalesec " I kiFetc Sufan onct." Tommy (promptly) : •• I kieeed Su-t.n twict." 'Bridget, Vrhat is that child crjtnc no mlaiy 101 •/' J b "Sure, raarr, he's jatt dusked nil bit eoothm' fryrup, and a!e the cf ik, s nd I doa'l know new what r.ile him, uslces it's the bottle he waniß to tchwallj." ■ Ikey : "I'm going now to buy you s reijuu.'ul diarr&nt cngegtmcut-rir $?, » 3 . becca." li,bccca : " Don't verge t, Ifc f y, that mj fausr Fcils them c:_rap. r lU2I acjers tlte in Couldn't C.me Ofictcr.-lich Anr.t : \tunen>, you cn'y c< n:e to eec rco v,Ue you %vant eoiue mentt." Ivpbew: '•Aoir l k.,lc€uklr.ct very .veil corse ary ofterer.-' "Hy wife Ft.vcd n;s fioru bc-iop * o U, c <i b 5 a Bti^rafe charsclir ecs i;iti 1 " "licw? 11 " "He climbed into c«r room wjrdo-jr at B»di.j C bt and w « Lt thiou(,h 11 y ticu«e« S?«\ C flm°* he gOt BolbUie - Shcbaafc «« tigfcf" 11 S ° n "' " Doi 6uit fi! dot ffißn aw fal

Dealer : "It vns a dk,U ij r , man eon." vy an: 3cu 3.- j| nzj thesp fj^dtr ?" it !' <Jcs l ccul cn't 6 ct it tfi without tearing Pluziiduil : "lies the charming widow a:i> irr.jtnj !"' Ktakum : •= Yes, cotßicerrible." P.'nmduflf : '-E'-al c*t»te, cr perrons!?" _ ii.etchurr: : " Jlainly persona). She has cix cnsldrcn."

Emplojnient Agrsl (to srplicant) : iiow i v lLlt? TtUßi&jod two uc-eU id Tonr JaEt pkce. How did t» at l:af.pm ? ' Domeetrc : » Shure, 0= quedo. 6i n.csh< by oveißbleptmetel)'"

" See that fellcw ever (here ? Peer ecea, he ootsn't kcow wbere he'il gat his aesi meal." "You surprise me; Ho looks* well -to GO.

"He is; but he doesn't Vr.cw vsbelhei he 11 dine at home or at his club."

"When a man makes a lr.rge fortune 1 what dv ptop'e cay / ' asked {be tcsclicr.

" That he is fortuna'e," re»H«d the bright boy."

" That's right. Now, wben a man fails is businees. what do they fay?" " That be didD't advertise." Appropriate Location.— " Yes," eaicJ 1 jtnecc. oi the person they were discussing "ha is a great traveller, and tells you marvellous stories." " Where does he I've ?' was the question And tho very Datural answer was, ' Ob, in eoroa out-and-out lying dietiict." He took her fancy when he came ; he took her hand, he took & kiss ; he took no noiica oi the Eheme that glowed her heppy check at this. He took to corning af ternconß ; betooh an cuth he'd ne'er deceive ; he took hei father's silver spoons : and after that he tcok

his leave.

I Resigned —Old Lady : " Doctor, do yon think there is anything the matter with ray lucge?''

(Physician after a careful examination) : •' 1 find, madam, that your lungs arc in a normal condition." Old Lady (with a sigh of reeignation} : "And about how long can I expect to live with them in that conditicn?"

Steenie and the Minister.— Mrs Skinner brought her son Steenie to the minister'a manse, and unfolded her business to the pastor thus : •■ Ye ken weel, eir, I'm a pnii wcedow wummua, an' Steenie hero has been a great bother to me. A kind friend in GlaEca ddb effersd to rak' him in bis oSce, but aeks for a character frae come ane ih&t kens bim. Ye ken him gey weel, and ken boo muckle be needs a guic* character, for he's ane 0' the wildest loona in the tcon ; sue if yt'H write that he's steady, honeet, End industrious, the folk'd be eheir to believe ths minister 1" Frank : " I think that the man nbo marries for money ia most contemptible." May : " Perbepe. But he's not half ro idiotic as the roan who marries withcus

money." Old Friend : " How are you prospering, doctor ?" Puyeioian : "I am as poor as ever, M'Corkle ; but among my patients I have t*-o or three rich ones with the bronchitis, and of course there's come (vealth in ruy cougherß."

Wilkins : " Will you marry me, Miaa Harte?" Miss Harte : " This is bo sudden, you EOf» prise me. Yea, I will." Wilkins : " And, by Jove, yon gorprigo ssf , too. T was sure you wouldn't accept me. So sisre, in fact, that I had a five-shilling bet en it. Now I'm five shillings out." Sour faced Woman : " Yon set right ou£ oi here, or I'il call my hnsband." Tr<unp : "Y'r husband ain't at home," Sour-fsoed woman : " How do you know he ain't ?"

Trnaip : "I've allers noticed, mum, thai w'ea a man is married to a wcm&n wot looks like you, he never is at home except at meal times."

How He Explained li.— Old Lady (to beggar wearing placard "I am deaf and dumb"); "How iocg have you been deaf and dumb, poor man ?" Beggar (off his guard) : " Bout eev.en

years, ma'am." Old Lady : "Ah, I've caught you ! You're a fraud ! Thia card says your deaf aad dumb, and here you sre talking and hearing what I say as well as anyone could." Beggar (>tssuring!y) : "Madame, 1 assure you lam no fraud. My starter bss eimply given me the wrong placard. Mine should read, 'I am blind.' " "You were never marriefl, I ibelieve*" "No, I was never married."

•« Thai's a little singular, isn't it?"

"No, not ct all. You ccc, the first titae I fell in love I eaid to rojeelf, • I'll marry her or none." "

" Why didn't you inanry her, then ?"

"Well, you ccc, after I ha.d become aoquaintcd with her, I said to myeelf, • I'll merry none rather than her.' Since thai I've got along very well with none." Jolmson : " Confound that Tomson }" Mrs J. : " What's the mattei: ?" Jobiiton ; " Us has just g&ne and taken one oi my vm'jrellas. It is nothing short of a crime to take an umbrella, and it is a piece of carelessness and thoughtlessness that is condoned too often. It Hello I What's this 1" Mrs J. ; lC What isil, John V Johnson (gleefully) : " Toiuson took ona of my umbrellas, but left another— a better one. Here, run and hide it. He may discover his mistake, and, be baok at any minute, 77§ i