Storyettes

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1869, 6 February 1892, Page 2 (Supplement)

Story ettes

In an Albany club the wine cellar was srraugsly depleted of its contents. Bottle alter bottle of champagae disappeared, and lucks seemed no bar against the thirsty thieves. Finally a new superintendent was placed in charge, and he seemed to be a man oi an ingenious turn of mind. He put new locks upon the cellar, but he did not mean to place his dependence wholly upon iron bolts. So he secured a remarkably ugly bull-bog, with a very misanthropic disposition, and shut him in the cellar. Tnere the brute stays all the time, except for half an hour daily, when he is given a run in the sunlight. The dog has no taste for champagne, and now the wine stays where it ia put until it is wanted in the cafe. There has never been an instance of "graeiuusne3s"like the visit of the Duke de Hivernais, in' the seventeenth century, to his dying steward. Wishing to see how matters stood with the poor fellow, the duke stepped into the room, and had the extreme condescension to make personal inquiry into the state of his health. The Bteward, utterly bewildered by the honor, raised himself in bed with great difficulty, and said, in a tone of the most abject humility : " I hope your grace will not be offended at my dying in your presence ?" The duke, deeply touched, answered : " Not in the least, my good friend ; do not mind me." Whereupon, the steward availed himself of the gracious permission of his master, and gave up the ghost. Professor Delbruck has recently published borne lnteru&tiug souvenirs about the Emperor Frederick the Third and his family. Here is an amusing anecdote about the order that reigned in the household while Frederick was Crown Prince : One day the Crown Princess said to the butler, one of the oldest servants and one who had the reputation of having a will oi his own : " I ordered some ApollinarJs water several weeks ago, and should like to taste it ; haa it not yet arrived?" The old domestic replied : "Imperial Highness, there is still in the cellar a lot of bottles of seltzer water that must be drunk first 1" All the persons at table broks out into laughter. The Crown Prince, after having himself joined in the hilarity, said, in a serious tone; "My friend, when the Crown Princess orders you to do anything, I beg joutoobey her." " One day," said a veteran, in a recent interview with Eli Perkins, " I met an old soldier who had b^en wounded in the face, and when I asked him in what battle he had been injured, he said : 'i got it at the first day at Suilob, sir.' 1 But how could you get hit in the face at Shiloh?'lasked. ' Well, sir,' said he, half- apologetically, ' after I had run a mile or two I got careless and looked back. 1 This story reminds me of how one of Ellaworth's Fire Zouaveß killed his first Confederate. He said that he marched out to the battle of Bulls Run, and when about half way there, he met a Johnny Eeb. m ambush. 1 What did yo-i do then? 1 1 asked. ' Well, sir,' he answered, ' I drew out my revolver and he drew out his bowie-knife, and then I took the lead from the start, and kept it clear into Washington city, and ' •But how did you kill the man?" 1 Run him to death,' was the reply, 11 Ie " making up " newspapers, or the piecing together of different paragraphs into columns, two separate items will, sometimes, be jumbled together and most amusing results appear. A French newspaper had a good specimen of this kind of mixture : " Dr. X. has been appointed head physician to the Hopital de la Charite. Orders have been issued by the authorities for the immediate extension of the Cimetiere de Parnasse." The New Haven journal, some time ago made a curious jumble of two items, One read : " A large cast-iron wheel, revolving nine hundred times a minute, exploded ia this city yesterday, after a long and painful illness. Deceased was a prominent thirtjrsteond degree Mason." The other paragraph detailed how : " John Faddea, the well-known florist and real estate broker, of Newport, R.1., died in Waidmer and Russell's sugar mill, at Crystal Lake, on Saturday, doing considerable damage to the building and injuring several workmen severely." Ben. Jonson was once requested to revise some proofs full of typographical and other errors, but he declined, and recommended that they Bhould be sent to the house of correction. Many anecdotes are juarrated to illuscrate tue tact required in dealing with lunatics. Among the inmates of an asylum was a man who was considered perfectly harmless, | but who, having no home was allowed to remain there, being employed to show visitors around. I The doctor went on the roof with him one day to see about repairing it, when the man suddenly turned and suggested that they should jump to the ground together. Immediately the doctor replied : " No, don't let s do that. Any one can jump down. Let's go down and see if we can jump up." The lunatic considered the point " well taken," and agreed. The head of a private asylum in England was in the bath-room watering a number of lunatics bathe, when one of them called out, "Let's duck the doctor I" and they all took up the cry. Seeing his danger, the doctor said at once: •' All right boys ; but suppose you give a cheer i or him first." And the noise of their cheering brought the keepers to his rescue. The same doctor was in a room with a lunatic, who, by some means, had possessed himself of a carving Knife. The lunatic informed him gravely that he had been ordained by God to cut him into little pieces, and, much as he regretted it,he should be obliged to do it. '• Very well," said the doctor ; «' of courue, if that is the case, I shall make no attempt to prevent you ; but I see your knife needs sharpening. Allow me to fetch » grindstone for you." Aud no objection being raised, the quickwitted doctor made his escape. Old man (solemnly) : "My young friend, who was that who just asked you to go and have a drink?" Young man : " Barney Jones. He's a friend of mine." Old man (with continued solemnity): " Nay, my young friend, he is an enemy of yours." Young man : " Well, I don't know but what you're right, Barney gave me two or three sure things on yesterday's races that made me walk home. You can't tell nowadays, old man, whe your friends •re." One of the strongest characteristics of genius is the power of lighting its own fire. A remarkable action, in which Pope Leo XIII. is the defendant, is about to be hied before the Civil Tribunal of Montdider, near Ameins. Some months ago the Marchioness de Plesses Believre died, leaving a will by which she left the bulk of her property, real and personal, to the Pope. The will is disputed by the natural heirs of the deceased lady — collaterals— on the ground that th« ?ope»J?t&gg# £p!ritnal sovereign, cannot