His Vines Were Nipped.

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1672, 8 March 1890, Page 6 (Supplement)

His Vines Were Nipped.

" Great Heavem 1 but the country is all ruined 1" ha shouted es lie met an acquaintance in tha street yesterday. " What do you mean ?' " Why, there was an awful frost last night I Everything has been killed as dead as a door-nail !" 11 Well, I dunno." •'But I no. Laud only knows what will beeor»e of the poor folks this winter. One calamity follows another at lightning speed. " " Well, now, but I have a fine fb'd of corn, and it is quite ripe ana beyond damage! That's the case all over." " Yes, but " " And n>y potatoes are ripe and can't be hurt a bit." " That may be, bni " " And a frost like that won't hurt apples any. It i 3 the usual sime o1o 1 year to get froste, and the crops are ahtad of the average time if anything." " But you don's seem to realiaa." "Dos'tl?" " No, Eir. This morning I went oafi and lo 1 every tomato vine in roy garden was wiicod and blackened." "I see. And you bad two vines, probsblv ?•' " Yes, iour of them, aud they are gone — killed dead. lam no alarmist, but i! wo don'c sea more suffering this winter thnu for | yeats before then it will be because Pro'idsnea cornea tc our aid with sumnisr weather. Gone 1 Ail gone ! Good clay." Know thyself. If you can's get the requisite infornititson, run for office. Visitor (departing): "There, Bobby, there V a penny for you." Bobby (with digaitj):. I " Fanke, I'se dot one." ] Tioi.: " May I kiss your little baby dslml*" I Fancy (aged sixteen, demurely): "No, ehei isn't old enough." " Witat do you gel an eveniog for whiting at entertainments ?" " Five marks, but it there is to be singing, I must ask bix." Fabheii Squashead (observing & metropolitan daily on the counter cf Jbs village store): " What I Ain't that air paper bustu\ up yet? Why, I quit takin 5 it fifteen ye&ra ego." " Jones," said Smyfche, as he watched h couple strolling near, " that ia a first love affair."- <% Howdo you know?" -'I just heard her make him promise not to smoke or drink." Fond Mother (to governess) : " The dear obiidren know co ?kng at all, and I want yon to take caro that they never hear any." Baby (aged eighteea monthe): " Ob, come off tho roof-tin, birdie 1" Youngetosband : " I didn't know you were to haye company 10-d&y, my dear." Mrs. Youughuebaad : '• The servant's Bister called and stayed to luncheon. She's now in the parlor, pluying the piano." Mabel (to Jack, who is about to drink her health for the ninth time) I " Oh, I wouldn't, Jack. ' Drink to me only with thine eyes,' instead." Jack : " All right. Well— cr — here's looking at you I" Honoba : " I wisht ye'd kape Master Dick out'r ihe kitchen, ma'am." Mrs. St. Jones : "Does ha annoy you?" Honora: "He does, ma'am, Ha'a jist afther eatin' all th f holes Oi punched out o' the biscuits." " Joe, you were up with Miss Jenkins until twelve o'clock las b night." "Yes. I was trying to out-sit an other fellow." " Oh, thai was it, eh 1 I've been there myself. Who, was the other fellow ?" (! Her father." Vielb (greatly excited): " Don't you know, B-B-Biffia hsa got hi 3 e-c-cane-head fast in his mouth and e-c-can' iget is out?" YancUrbuff (cooily): "Can lit be duplicated?" Viele: "Y-Y-Yes; butß-B-Biffia can't." Feappk : " Say, Scribbler ! Did yon eve* have tho writer's cramp ?' Scribbler : "Yes^ I have it nearly all the time." "Is that co ? Isn't there anything that will cure it?" " Yes, about ten pounds would oaee it ooneiderably." Mrs. Bandbox: "You said tb.9 train I should take leaves at ten-thirty, didn't you?" Ticket-agent : " Yes, madam ; and I think „ I've told you that ten times already." '« Yes, I know you have, but by little boy says he likes to hear you talk." Lady op the house: "No, I make it a principle never to give away money at the door,"<* Tramp : " Very well, madam, if you have any feeling about it ; lam perfectly willing that you should hand it to me out of. the window." '• Wheue have yo.u bwn, Brown, that you look so delighted?" **Circu3»" "Goods show, eh ?" " No, poor show ; but I sat io front of a oouple of young women and kept my beaver on till I made their necks aohe. It was immense, old man." Mr. Smart (as the church-goerß pass): "I'm surprised that Miss Sweet permits Podworth to accompany her. He's about the freshest young fellow I know." Mrs. Smart : •• Perhaps that's the reason v»hy she lets him carry her Pa&tter." Uncle Mompebs : " I'm terrible sorry, gen'ral." Conductor : «« What's the trouble?"' Uncle Mompers : " Mother, here, was afraid it warn'G style f eat in th' cars, and when Bhe seen you a-comin', she tried to chuck her lunch out'n th' winder, which it was shet." Augustus : " My dear, that book you gave me a while ago tc prop my feet with — ah, is waa a cruel thiDg to do 1" - His Wife : "E9allyl Darling, what has happened V Augustus : " Why, it was a novel by Henry James, and it put my feet to Bleep." Mb. de Brain : " Is the piano out of tune?" Mrs. de Brain: "No. Why?" Mr. cc Brain (with a troubled air): " Elvira has i ot touched it for weeks." Mrs. de Brain: "I have notioed that. I wonder if she has deceive n« ard ant marripd nn Ilia hIv:" iiuu