“PETER PAN ” MOTHERS

Star (Christchurch), Volume LXIV, Issue 934, 2 December 1933, Page 24 (Supplement)

“PETER PAN ” MOTHERS

Their Influence on the Modern Child. CONTROL BY TACT. (By MARIE LOHR.) Don’t you think the modern mother is wonderful? I do. I call her the “Peter Pan” mother because she never seems to grow up. And I am all in favour of this, happy flair for never growing up. It is the best thing that could happen to the mother who wishes to gain the confidence of her children and to know their innermost secrets and divine their unspoken desires and ambitions. Only by interest in their ways, which often are vastly divergent from her own, can a mother effectively lavish all the tender qualities of lnotherliness, most important of which are sympathy and companionship.

I think the type of mother who has no time to devote to her childrens pleasures and interests will never extract the best from them. The ways of their world may seem, when compared to her own, trivial, but to them they are of paramount and absorbing importance. There is a difference between the mother of this last century—so much the better for this generation. Times have changed and so, happily, have the conception of mothers as how best to retain the respect of their children.

Mothers, thank lieaten, no longer bid farewell to their twenties by donning shawls and spectacles and with a deep sigh of resignation renounce the delights indulged by their children.

Take the modern ballroom, for instance. Never before, were there so many iniddle-aged and elderly couples dancing as there are to day. And they enter into It with the younger set with a zest that is at once appreciated and which enhances rather than lessens respect for parental opinions. Kindly Chaperons.

No longer do our daughters, demure and decorous, dance beneath the lynxlike eyes of austere chaperons possessed of little, if any, understanding of youth. Now the role "of chaperon is more often tlian not fulfilled by the modern “Peter Pan” mother —herself an ardent dancer, able to enjoy life and at the same time “keep an eye” on her charges. And modern daughters I am sure, are thankful for this state of affaire, for they can choose the partners they really want without fear that they will be frightened off by the disdain and disapproval that more often than not greeted them in the days of soulless chaperons. Modern mothers have less obvious tactic* and use more clever methods when dealing with their children's choices. They are ( fully aware that opposition only enhances desire, and that many of these undesirable alliances and clandestine elopements of the past were but the results of some quite unjustified embargo put on their liberty by an officious and unsympathetic chaperon.

Even when a modern mother registers disapproval of a friendship —which is not often, for the effect of their new freedom has been to make young people themselves more discriminating—she employs methods of her own in dealing with this kind of problem. She is much more broad-minded than . were the chaperone, and having remained young with her children, she understands better the reasons for a friendship or attachment and why her daughter has formed these. And anyway, her daughter will probably have told her. Modern mothers are so companionable and understanding. The “Peter Pan” mother, if she disapproves of her daughter'* choice of a male companion, doesn’t take her to ta*k and rely for obedience on threats, or carefully wrapped warning.. She will, as likely as not, take him up herself to avert possible disaster! Understanding Essential.

Motherliness, to be perfect, should embrace several qualities —sympathy, understanding, and the happy knack of obtaining confidence without the giver suspecting a notice. Tact and far-see-ing judgment are necessary in order to gain and keep young people's confidences. By steering her girls clear of the pitfalls of life without Jetting them know that the maternal hand is on the guiding reign, the modern mother can manage the most wayward one. A mother's only hope of winning her daughter’s confidence is by beijig companionable, and I think that there is little doubt that the modern “Peter Pan” mother has far greater control over her children than had the mothers of bygone generations who merely raised their eyebrow* in horror and cold reproof at youthful indiscretions. Mothers who mingle with their children in their pleasures and daily interests broaden their own outlook on life, and it enables them to appreciate their children’s point of view and recognise their difficulties. How can any woman hope •to be a useful companion to her children if she has no knowledge outside the narrow limitations of the domestic circle ? Just as a mother feel* proud of her children’s accomplishments so can children feel proud of their mother’s achievements. especially if they are concerned with the children's own world, and particularly with its pleasure*. Mothers of to-day who have youthful ambition*, who play the games and dance the dances of their children, are the best mothers in the world. They stand as an emphatic contradiction of the oldfashioned theory that where motherhood began, youth ended. I am quite sure that the Victorian mother, who donned lace caps, shawls and put on air* of resignation and adopted an attitude of martyrdom at the age of 40, were unhappy women. Every woman is reluctant to part with the precious dower of youth. To per-, petuatc youth, and never grow up, is the most wistful of all human ambitions. Youth can be perpetuated if only mind and heart arc kept free from bitterness, and the outlook on life is broad and tolerant. If a mother of 40 pretends to be 20, and behaves as though she were 20, she i* ridiculous, hut if she remembers she is 40 and behaves in a manner appropriate to her age and at the same time maintains a youthful outlook on life. *lie certainly is not wanting in dignity. She is an ideal example of those “Peter Pan” mothers of to-day.