BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 19267, 2 January 1931, Page 6

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) The pedestrian said to the busy traffic inspector at the Bank Corner, “Which is the quickest way to the hospital, please?” Without hesitation the officer answered: “Just you keep walking across this street as you have been doing.” The schoolmaster was lecturing his class upon their lack of hardihood. “ Many Roman boys,” he said, “ were made to swim the Tiber three times before breakfast.” The class was considerably impressed by this feat until one inquiring you«ag gentleman asked politely: “Why didn’t they swim it four times, sir, so that thej-’d arrive back on the side where they left their clothes?” A Scotsman was seen standing thoughtfully at the edge of the skatingrink at a big Swiss resort. A friend came along and said breezily, “Aren’t you going on the ice, Jock?” “Oh, aye,” said the Scot, cautiously, “ but f ye see, the guide-book says this rink will only bear ten thousand people, and I'm coontin’ them first.” An American citizen was interviewing his bootlegger. “ Joe,” he said, “ I’ll want six cases of 1 rye *, one of gin, a couple of vermouth, three of champagne, and, let me see, now . . . yes, I’d better have just a couple of bottles of absinthe as an extra flavouring for the cocktails.” “ Well,” said the bootlegger, “ I guess I can handle that order all right ... all exceptin’ the absinthe. Pon’t you know absinthe’s illegal? ” j.; j.j *.* The professor returned from his day’s work looking very depressed. “My dear,” he said, “ I’m afraid I shall have to go out to see the doctor immediately after dinner. I’ve been having buzzing noises in my ears all day.” “ Nonsense.” said his wife. “ You left your attache-case at home this morning and took away the portable wireless set.”