BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 19239, 28 November 1930, Page 8

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) A Scotsman decided to give up keeping a watch-dog to save the license fee. Now if they hear a noise in the night they bark themselves. “Thank you very much,” said the vicar, as little Tommy handed up his offering for the harvest festival. “I must call round this afternoon and thank your mother for these eight beautiful apples.” “P-Please, sir,” stammered Tommy, “would you m-mind thanking her for t-twelve ? ” The stage was occupied by an illusionist. “I now come to my greatest sensation,” he told his audience, and without another word he opened a big black box, from which there was no other apparent outlet, put a woman m it, and shut down the lid. W hen _he opened the box again there was nothing inside but a couple of white rabbits. After the performance a Scotsman went to the illusionist and asked if he could perform- the trick if his (the Scotsman’s) wife were placed in the k “Why, yes,” answered the illusionist, jokingly, “but are you anxious to get rid of your wife?” . “Weel,” answered the Scot, it s no sae much that, but wee Jock, my boy, got me to promise him two rabbits for his birthday.” v Visitor: So you call your canary Joe? Does that stand for Joseph or Josephine? , Child: IVe don't know. That s why we call it J°e # . .. At an Irish police court the habitual drunkard was summoned for the usual 1 a 'Ten shillings or a fortnight.” remarked the magistrate. ‘ But, sir, Oi’ve only two shillings in the world,” replied the prisoner. ■•Well, vou must go to gaol, then. If vou hadn't spent the money getting drunk you would have been able to pay the tine.” Moses met Ike.y in the street, and said to him, “You’re lookin’ blue today, Ikey. Vot’s troublin’ you?” “I’m bankrupt; that’s vot s the mat* 16 "Bankrupt, eh?” said Moses; “but vot did you settle on your vife?'’_ "I settle nothing on' my vife, said Ikey. “Veil, vot did you settle on your daughter?” , . . „ "I settle nothing on my daughter, groaned Ikey. “Vv,” exclaimed Moses, you re not bankrupt, you're ruined! 1 '