BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18958, 2 January 1930, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) “Do you know what becomes of little boys who use bad language when they are playing marbles?” “Yes, mum, they grow up and play golf.” A correspondent wishes to know whether mothers-in-law are qualified to become members of the Institute of Pacific Relations. A widow brought her small boy to the theatre for an engagement in a play for which a number of children were required. “Has your son ever acted before?” she was asked. “No, sir,” was the reply; “but he spoke up beautiful at the inquest.” Heard on the morning after a merry New Year’s Eve:—- “ Waiter, do you remember what I spent in drinks last night? ” “ Exactly two pounds ten, sir.” “ Oh, good—l thought I’d lost it.” Entering a newspaper office, a young man said he wished to insert an announcement of his father’s death, and inquired how much it would cost. “ The charge is 10s an inch,” was the reply. “ Good heavens,” exclaimed the young man, “ my father was over six feet! ” After reading about the return of all pawnbrokers’ pledges to the poor of Rome on the occasion of the Royal wedding, “ Sinbad ” says he hopes the Prince of Wales will soon get married, as it offers him a chance of getting his watch back. Of course the gratuitous return of pledges from Italian State pawnshops is obviously to allow Umberto to be decently dressed at the wedding. Hard-boiled Grocer: “No, .sir! no cheques! I wouldn’t cash a cheque my own brother! ” Disappointed Customer: “ Well, of course you know your family better than I do.” Country Constable (at scene of burglary): “You mustn’t come in ’ere. Go' away, or you’ll find yourself in trouble.” Reporter: “But my editor has sent me to do this burglary.” “ Well, you can’t. The burglary’s already been done.” Dietitian: “ A few leaves of lettuce without oil, a bran biscuit and a glass of orange-juice. Stick to that and your weight will come down.” Woman: “Well, that’s fine, doctor. Now, do I take that before or after meals?” *.* Landlady: “ And what’s wrong now ? ” Youthful Lodger: “I just wanted to say that I think you get too much mileage out of this roller towel.” a t'2 “Under the law, no cabarets are allowed in Kyoto, and there is much opposition to Japanese girls dancing in European fashion,” said Miss Carol West-Watson. It is now suggested that the City Council should emigrate to Japan.