BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18946, 17 December 1929, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) I see a college in America has discharged a professor of biology because he refused to believe in Jonah and the whale. Some Canterbury College students tell the story this way: “ Jonah was an emigrant, So runs the Bible tale, Who booked a steerage passage In a trans-Atlantic whale; But when the stuffy atmosphere Grew heavy on his chest, Jonah pressed a button And the whale did the rest.”' In a certain court one Irishwoman was suing another for slander. When the plaintiff was put on the witnessstand, her attorney said to her: " Now, madam, just tell the court what the defendant said about you.” “ Oh! I cannot,” she hesitatingly replied. “ But, madam, you must,” the attorney insisted; “the whole case hang* on your evidence.” “ But it isn’t fit for any decent person to hear,” replied the witness. “ Ah! in that case,” answered th* attorney, “ just step up to the judga and whisper it in his ear!” 35 35 35 Two friends were talking over a projected holiday on the Continent. “ I say,” said one, “ how do we ask for water in Paris?” “ Avez-vous ” began the other, then broke off. “ But shall we want any water in Paris?” » She (to bridge expert): “Now, if you were in the same circumstances, how would you have played that hand?” He (icily): “ Under an assumed name.” « 35 35 Mother: “I know you won’t mind, darling, but I gave your rocking-horse to a little boy who has no father.” Tommy: “Oh, bother! Why didn.*t you give him Daddy?” 3: The other evening a little boy was sent to bed in the dark. He had not been in bed long before his mother heard him calling out and saying that someone was under the bed. Hi* mother said that there was no one, and told him to go to sleep. Soon afterwards he called out again; but his mother told him that there was no one, and that it was only imagination. Soon afterwards he called out again, and said, “ Mummie, mummie, ’Magination is under the bed again ” 35 35 35 Professor: “I believe I have discovered a new star, Miss Brown.” Miss Brown: “How interesting! But you won’t be sure, I suppose, until you’ve counted all the others?” The tram was already well filled when a very stout gentleman pushed in and sat down, part of his ample proportions falling on a very thin and rather sour-looking gentleman. The latter glared at him. “They ought to charge by weight in these cars,” he said. “In which case,” was the genial response, “it wouldn’t be worth while stopping to pick you up.” 35 35 35 Abolition of jury system.—More unemployment. 35 35 35 A logical sequence based upon statistics from the U.S.A. One person in every 1000 of population behind the bars—999 persons in every 1000 in front of the bars—one barmaid to every 1000 people in the U.S.A. 35 35 35 The Waimakariri Trust Objects to the New Year bust. For the voters’ digestions Quite outweigh the questions The old fogeys wanted discussed. 35 35 35 About Tasmania's jury “only a bel<l statement has been cabled ” I thought it was a bit hairy myself. 35 35 35 The Russian five-day week Must be a positive Godsend, so to speak— A marvellous plan To save the poor married man. 35 35 :: I don’t want to dull The brilliancy of the discovery of th* skull, But. how did they know that his cognominensis Was Sinanthropus Pekinensis? a 35 The tj-ammies. At Hull, want no coal black mammies. The millionairess. Lady Houston Gives the council a boost on. R 35 a If you really don’t wish a man worsts But feel like cxpleting a curse, Don’t shout at him wildly Just lisp somewhat mildly: “Go to hell (if there is one of course).” a 3: a “What makes you think she doesn t like you?” “She told me she thought there was a fool in every family.” “Well, what of that?” “I had told her a minute before that I was an only child.” 35 35 35 A party of actors were discussing a colleague who was always out of a job. “The trouble with Smith,” said one. “is that he is always untidy. He doesn't keep himself clean.” Said another, with a trace of bitterness, “Well, he ought to be clean. He * always sponging.”