BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18938, 7 December 1929, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) Some men we know smoke a lot and drink as well, or even better. There’s no harm . In the Technical College having a farm, But wasn’t the Minister funny— He said, “ You provide the money. Mr Taverner . f Seems to have been havin’ a Time that’s trying Finding out about kiln drying. Teacher: Give the principal parts of the verb “ swim.” Johnnie: Swim, swam, swum. Teacher: Good. Now give principal parts of the verb ** dim.” Johnnie: Aw’, quit your kiddin’. x x A traffic improvement. Would be regular pedestrian movement. But I’ll wager They won’t employ a sergeant-major. Driver of old car (after roadside halt): “ You don’t notice that knock in the engine so much now, do Friend: “No. How did you fix it?” Driver: “Oh, I just loosened one of the mudguards.” “ Do you think your boy will pass his matriculation?” said one business man to another. “ Well, I don’t think so,” he replied, “ he’s at that stage now when he thinks it’s more important to pass the car ahead.” x x Two schoolboy howlers: The Queen of Sheba was the only woman of his day King Solomon never married. Hence arose the phrase, “ The wisdom of Solomon.” The zebra is a sort of cream-coloured donkey with black stripes from which they make grate polish. X X X The “ Star’s ” Sockbum correspondent tells this story:— Two old ladies had decided to take a short trip in an aeroplane. They were about to get into the machine when one of them said to the pilot: “ You will bring us back safely, won’t you?” “ Oh, yes, madam,” was the reply. “ I’ve never left anybody up there yet.” An Irish butler, during his master’s absence, gave a party below stairs to some friends, and the occasion was a wet one. The butler, indeed, had to be assisted to bed, and while in a somnolent state one humorist blackened his face with boot polish. In the morning, when the housemaid knocked him up, the butler rose and prepared to shave. When he observed his face in the mirror he shrank back. “ Heavens,” he muttered, “ she's woke up the wrong man!” I agree that the City Engineer should not have been asked to tender for that bridge contract. Councillor Cooke, by his methods, is aiming at the very roots of society—at the very roots of some of our best society. Take the ’s. The foundation ; their fortune was laid when they got i the contract for the River Bridge. and then there’s ’s. lie is chair- . man of I-don’t-know-how-many-socie-ties. The first little nest egg was the Bridge. Mrs kept two boarders up till then, and their eldest daughter was called Alice. Last week I saw that Alyss was on the lawn at Riccarton. But the best example is the 's. They got the Bridge contract and none of them have worked since. X X X The Reverend Gardner Miller has shocked Manchester Street. Outside his church is a notice board, and in two foot letters is this notice: | HELL. j Of course, it may be n hell of a good subject, but hell!—isn’t it rather over the odds. I went to the last competitions and twenty young men recited “ The Charge of the Light Bri- ’ gade.” And when they came to that line, “ Into the mouth of hell,” half of them pronounced it “ hill,” and the I other half pronounced it “ hal.” The Reverend Gardner Miller calls it . “ HELL,” just like a flapper who is annoyed, but somehow I’m old-fashion-ed. I was brought up to have it called “ H ,” and only dad was allowed ! to call it “ HELL.” X X X l The sooner that our reverend Mayor, • And Doctor Thack most truly dare, ■ And pass the by-law that forbids The riding three abreast on grids, I’d Ictidly whoop hip-hip hooray And shout their praises ev’ry day. And ’tis because Miss Maisie Brown, And I together bike to town, ! And recently each day we go, ■ A man named Cuthbert, don’t-you-know, He butts along, and three a-breast ; He gets this piffle off his chest: “M’ pater’s got a car,” he bleats. “ His people live in Heaton Street. I’ve joined the Elmwood Tennis Club. My uncle, he has got a pub.” And Maisie, she’s got to pretend— Maisie, she never would offend— And so the lop-eared Cuthbert stays And brays, and brays, and brays, and brays. But when w’e get this by-law through Just Mais and I will bike—us two. The ladies’ mid-week tennis competition has started at Wilding Park. It is, of course, a good idea. The ladies will assemble and enjoy themselves. ! Mrs Browm will be there. I know Brown. He’s a good 6ort. He hurries home and has the tea laid o t the time she gets home. It is a pretty scene, Mrs Brown telling how her opponent led 5-1, and how she thought of him at home and how disappointed he’d be if she lost, and how she rose to heights and won 6-5. Brown beams and cuts her off a bit of iced angel cake that he had bought oa his way home. Then she tells him all about the doubles. Mr Jones has the slippers nicely warmed by the fire when Mrs Jones returns. She is very fond of tripe, and he alw r avs has it ready the moment she enters the door. “ Don't bother coming up to the table,” ne says. “ Take the easy chair and I’ll hand it to you.” Jones is also a good listener, making appropriate remarks at intervals like “Did she, the cat?” and “I never did like her,” and “I'd have said the same thing myself.” Oh, yes, Jones is a good sort, but Robinson— Robinson is a beast. All the lrdies sympathise with Mrs Robinson—they know what she has to put up with. When she comes home is the tea laid ? Is the fire lit? No! Robinson swears because the tea isn't ready, the beast!