BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18805, 6 July 1929, Page 1

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys). She was only a jeweller’s daughter, but he kept a watch on her. jj He: How absurd of doctors to say that kissing is dangerous. She: I don’t know! You’ll probably agree with them if my husband catches you. r: ? She slipped on her pyjamas and tumbled into bed. You can easily find a match if you have money to burn. :: A girl can look round and still be on the square. When you buy a car the only thing the salesman throws in is the clutch. » 85 25 I see the Southern Cross was timed to arrive in England on Sunday. What is Mr Archer going to do about it? Mr Lyons has gone to the West Coast, as if they didn’t have enough troubles already. :: The automatic telephones will soon be in use. Life will be simpler, and tamer. To-day I could not get a number and complained. “ What's biting you?” said the girl at the other end. . The automatic won’t say that and life will be all the less colourful. What we don’t like about most of these Reform politicians is that they can’t look you straight in the eye when your back’s turned. :: :: :: “Well,” said the bald man, “one can’t have hair and brains.” “ Quite so,” was the reply. “ But, as the poet said: 4 How happy you might be with either.’" New Zealand, said Mr H. R. Jenkins, could never be an industrial country because it was too far from the centre of the world. It is no further than any other place on the globe. :: 85 After making such a nice Speech from the Throne, I wonder how the Governor-General likes having all these rude things said about it. In 1926 the trial survey for the South Island main trunk was completed, I see in an anniversary list for July 6. And three years later they are still talking about it. The bloke who writes Byrd’s messages has discovered that in cold weather the breath makes an audible sound. He ought to hear my wife on any of these frosty mornings. t. ” K A West Coast refugee accosted a seri-ous-faced youth in Cathedral Square, and said, very humbly: “ I want to go to the Provincial Council Chambers. ’’ The youth was lost in consideration for a moment. Then he said: “Well, you may just this once; but I don’t want you ever, ever to ask me again.” A woman was called away suddenly to a sick relative, and left a note for the neighbour readi g: "Would you please put out a little food for the cat. It will eat almost anything; but do not put yourself out.” 25 :: THE “STAR” (CLERICAL). There is a movement on foot to have the newspapers run by clergymen. “ One-of-the-Boys,” who has the gift of second sight, has imagined a parsoncontrolled paper something like the following:— Editorial.—One of the most pressing needs of our times is a new coinage. Disarmament and unemployment, what are these alongside the need of a threepenny bit that cannot be bent or have holes drilled in it? Every year in New Zealand five million threepenny bits are found by pained clergymen to be damaged to some extent. Some, it is true, can be redeemed at the bank for tuppence, a number can be passed on to near-sighted tram conductors on dark nights, but the great majority are found to be as valueless as the often accompanying trouser buttons. Is not this something to be regarded as a national calamity? The All Blacks may lose to-day, but with this canker eating into the very heart of our life, does it matter? Let us adopt a rational system of coinage with cast steel, unbreakable, unbendable, undrillable threepences, and man will raise his eyes again to the morning star unashamed, and our church will once again prosper. Sporting.—Our new sporting writer went out to Riccarton to-day to get news, and reports that Queen Lucy is a lady horse that is looking well and has a white star on the forehead, a good sign. Cuthbert Dillon is a young gentleman horse of a fast family. His father was Commercial Traveller and his mother was Lucy. Clarence Dillon is carrying the stable money for the National, so our writer was informed by a man sitting on a fence, but he said the rider was not a jigger. Evidently the rider is a sober young man who does not believe in dancing. We do not hold with gambling, but we advise brothers and sisters with a stocking to empty it out on Clarence. Amusements.—The programme this week at the Regent is very amusing. The story of the revue is that Mr Brown, a married man, went out with his typist, named Fifi. This was very reprehensible, but the girl was decidedly pretty and only did it to support a widowed mother. Six young girl friends of Fifi come on the stage in tights and sing and dance at intervals. This considerably interrupts the story and could well be cut out. With these dancing girls left out and for Fifi, who lias a pretty way with her that one could hardly suspect—but you pever can tell—and she had a fur coat—if Fifi would give a recitation with a moral the entertainment would be better. Correspondence.—Dear Sir,—l would like your powerful journal to advocate a return to the groat, which was worth iourpence, as the lowest silver coin of the realm. The groat is an old English coin and the threepence was thrust on us by the Scots. The King’s Visit.—The proposed visit of the King will be hailed by all with satisfaction. We suggest that he be given a real welcome. A monster tea meeting could be held at the Barracks, and each child could get a bur. q(id 1 a nice little concert to follow with a few’ words by each vicar. The rest of the King’s visit could be put in at opening sales of work and he could have a real good time.