BY THE WAY

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18786, 15 June 1929, Page 1

BY THE WAY

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS

(By Oue of the Boys). She was only a mathematician> daughter, but she made a great figure. A pessimist is one wap takes out fire insurance instead of life insurance :: a Now w i want a “ Save the Save tiUeSquare Committee/* « a Never mind why the black hen lays the white egg. Get the egg! H « 55 I see Mr Coates is visiting Southland. He did not need to go down there to do a freeze. 35 55 » “ I see many faces here/* said the nervous politician, “ with whom I should like to shake hands. ’* *: A modern telephone conversation: “ Yes, darling, come over some afternoon and stay all day." :: College is the place where one spends hundreds of pounds on an education and then prays for a holiday to come on a lecture day. vi v: Guest: Who is that awful old frump over there? Host: Why, that’s my wife. Guest: Oh, I’m sorry; my mistake. Host (sadly): No—mine. Vi Vi Vi Sunday School Teacher: “Sue, why must we be kind to the poor?” Little Sue: “Please, teacher, because in these days any of them might become rich.” The outdoor staff of the Telephone Department presented Mr M’Gee with a set of crystal this week. This is a case where a set of crystal is not a crystal set. « r: t-5 I don’t think the Square had a chance with this conference. In the first place the Square Conference was a round one—a round-the.-table one, and it was called together .bv a circular and it compassed too much. a as The only better plan to improve the Square than that submitted by the conference w’ould be to extend the western porch of the Cathedral to cover the road and put tramway offices and other conveniences at each end. A sensation has been caused in the city by the announcement that one of the financial fraternity has decided to adopt a military career. Inquiries show that there is a little truth in the rumour—at all events, he has decided to adopt the motto of the Jordan Highlanders, “No advance without security.” 25 25 25 It was out at the aerodrome last Saturday, and a flapper was enthusing about how' lovely it must be to be an aviator. “Wanta fly?” said a mechanic. “ Oh, yes,” she said with visions of a free ride. “ Well wait a minute,” he replied, “ and I’ll catch vou one.” 25 25 25 It’s hard to decide about the Christ-church-Old Boys match. Of course, Old Boys have booked themselves to win. They have a Page and a Folevo. They say that Christchurch will lose through Mullan. Christchurch replies that they will send Old Boys to their Burrow’s. Christchurch is in good Hart, and if there is any mixing it they Mills. The war cries are: Old T'oys—“We can give them Ell”; for Christchurch—“ Lay on M’Duflf.” 25 25 25 Another boxing tournament will be held next Monday week. There appears to be no truth in the rumour that the secretary's memo, book is entered up thusly;— Saturday, June 15: Get police permit. Monday: Have you got police permit? Tuesday: Where is police permit? Wednesday: Have competitors got permits ? Thursday: Send police complimentary tickets, as before. Friday: Where are the tickets? And the permit? Saturday: What permit? Sunday: Keep permit under lock and key, or you will be there instead. Monday: Present permit. Let police in. Examine gloves for hidden horseshoes. 25 25 25 I attended the first meeting of the Shift the Cathedral Committee last night. The first speaker was a wellknown doctor. He said: “ The proposal to shift the Cathedral has mv heartiest support. It is estimated that 15,000 colds are caught every year by people who get wet through this veran-dah-less strip between the north and south of the city. Of these 15,000, at least 1000 get pneumonia and die, and, allowing ten wreaths for each latelamented at a guinea each, it costs our fair city £IO,OOO a year.” The next speaker w r as a well-known architect. He said: “ I would shift the Cathedral on aesthetic grounds. The spikey type of architecture is now not used by the best people. Mr Archer's new church hr..: not got a spike on it, and I could design a better Cathedral in concrete with modern central heating that W’ould be a credit to the city and show we had a real modern, comfortable religion in this town ” The next said: “As a Socialist, I endorse this idea. It is not that I am oppose l to the Cathedral if it was run on the right lines. Run it as a Municipal Cathedral and I’d say: ‘ Let it stay/ Instal an electric lift in the tower and put an electric sign with * See Christchurch First/ Outline the tower with electric lights and have a spotlight to reveal a sign ‘ Cook the M.E.D. way. Hell is no hotter than our stoves.* On the roof another ad.:‘ Don’t ask for bread and get a stone. Try the Municipal Quarry for your next stone order/ On the other side: ‘The World, the Flesh and the Devil. Get your flesh from the Municipal-owned abattoir/ If the Cathedral authorities allow’ this, I say: ‘ Let it remain/ but they won't/* The last speaker said: “I object to the Cathedral for two good reasons. The first is that after every big earthquake the spire comes down and photos are sent round the world giving a wrong impression of Christchurch. Next time it comes down a lump of stone may hit somebody. Each time they rebuild it people get cricks in their necks watching the steeplejacks at work. However, I let my first reason pass. The second is more important. The main objection to the shelter and conveniences is that they are stuck right in front of the Cathedral. I say: Shift the Cathedral and the objection ceases.’* Loud applause greeted the last remarks. The resolution to shift the Cathedral was carried unanimously.