BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18644, 22 December 1928, Page 1

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS.

(By One of the Boys.) Had a great day with the t>oys yesterday. Finally we all went to rut the Deck,” but when I rolled home the wife “ Hit the Roof.” Im thinking that I know the kind of car Mr Clyde Carr is going to be. He will be a Rover Carr. “A present for a lady?” said the man at the counter. “Yes. Here are some lovely stockings at fifteen and eleven, some nice handbags at prices from a pound to thirty shillings, beauty seta from two pounds upwards and “The lady is my wife,” interrupted the purchaser. “ Your wife! Why didn’t you say so. Here are some stockings two and eleven, gloves one and eleven and some nice cakes of soap at sixpence. $5 X X Mr Archer’s remarks on the value of punctuation are endorsed by young Smithy. He says that when he speeding of a night and a traffic cop calls out it is a knowledge of punctuation that saves the situation Most people believe that a “ full stop should follow a cops call. Smithy preiers making “ a dash.” XXX Where to go at Christmas? Of course, the cricketer will avoid h eliding and go to Batmans. The tennis player will go to Courtenay, the engaged gni to Diamond Harbour and the traffic cop to Beckenham. Mr D. G. Sullivan will seek Dannevirke, Mr Armstrong Timaru and Mr Howard make for Teddington. Mr J. K. Archer will do Arrowtown, and Mr R. W. Hawke hie to Pigeon Bay. X X I suppose I am too sensitive. It is hard to be bald. I read Mr J. Archer’s speech, about there being plenty of space at the top.” Then the Salvation Army gathered outside m> gate and sang “There’ll Be No Parting There.” Later we listened in to the loud speaker, and heard Mr L. T. J. Ryan at 3YA give “The Man With a Single Hair.” Altogether, it was a rotten day. Mother: And now tell me what you meant by saying I was your aunt when you introduced Mr White to me? Daughter: .Forgive me, mother: but Mr White appears to be on the point of proposing, and it w’ould not do to run any risks just now. He has a strong prejudice against mothers-in-law. In a certain Christchurch home the other day a grandparent gazed disapprovingly on his young granddaughter. “ Art, my dear,” he said, pointing an accusing finger at her lipstick, ‘ art cannot improve on nature.” “ Oh, rot, old bean,” she cried cheerily. “ Think how perfectly comic you’d look without your false teeth!” X X X “ Do you know, I’m losing my memory—it s worrying me to death.” “ Never mind, old chap. Just forget all about it.” XXX “ Well, George,” said a country clergyman to an old man who sat by the wayside breaking stones, “ that pile doesn’t seem to get any smaller.” “No, vicar,” replied the old man, “ them stones is like the Ten Commandments: you can go on breakin’ ’em, but you can’t get rid of ’em.” XXX The master of the house informed the cook that his wife’s aunt was coming on an indefinite visit over the holiday season. “ I’ve made out a list of all her favourite dishes,” he said. “ Yes, sir,” replied the cook. “ And,” he added, “ the first time you serve one of them—you go!” 55 *: The interest in me, displayed by my young relatives of late, has been touching—most. It seems that the Municipal Market has been an undoubted and unqualified success, but that the situation is not suitable, and the growers have not occupied the stands, and the expectations of the Labour councillors have not been reached. Otherwise, a distinct success. XXX The happiest couple I know is a Scottish husband and his English wife. They don’t celebrate Christmas because he holds that the festive season is New Year. And they don’t celebrate New Year because she holds that the festivities should have been at Christmas. So life goes along wonderfully smoothly and economically. XXX The boss of the South Canterbury Alliance speaks disparagingly of the ebb and flow of the liquor business. I'm not keen on too much of the ebb myself, but the flow is all right. Byrd fills the coal scuttle and then grins At the penguins, While Wilkins, high flying. Discovers how the land is lying. XXX Ilcathcote County demonstrates its progress and solvency by seeing how much money it can borrow. *.j j.j There was a story about queer religions in this morning’s paper. I hear of another one—the Eleventh Hour Adventists, otherwise the Six O'clock Rushers. Newcastle put up a good score against the Englishmen, even if they did have as an opening batsman a man with a pair of spectacles as initials— O. Osland. The Xobel Peace Prize has been awarded to the founder of the Olympic Games. If the judges were thinking of the Australian and New Zealand swimming teams. I'm expecting the next prize to be won by the ex-Kaiser.