BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18615, 17 November 1928, Page 1

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS.

(By One of the Boys.) Our funny language: The English howling was deadly, and so was the Australian batting. Lord Cushendun said in the House of Lords that Britain prefers bilateral or regional treaties to those that are •igned by any State that likes to come along. Mr Kellogg please note. 35 25 25 Mr Baldwin said the other day that he would abolish all tariff barriers if he were a dictator. Then he went on to say that since he couldn’t get Protection made law he was going to do the best he could with safeguarding duties. 'E dunno where 'o are. 35 25 35 The House of Lords rejected a motion on Friday by 33 votes to 10. As there are 720 members of this useful body, it would be interesting to know how many of the others were asleep and how many were absent. 25 25 25 The Vatican and the Fascists are having an argument over archery competitions for women. It’s as ’arrowing as this pun. 25 25 25 Judging from what I heard on Wednesday night, some politicians and would-be politicians make a very poor list of impromptu speeches. The following, therefore, should be interesting to those who are now trembling over the twelve uncertain seats. It is in the form of a ballot paper, and the lines which are not required can be struck out, so that it will suit all parties and all results. Ladies and Gentlemen, —I am very proud disgusted at the: wonderful rotten way in which you have: rallied to my support, ratted on me. I have seen some: wonderful crowds lousy mobs in my life, but never such an: intelligent aggregation of healthylooking citizens Imbecile bunch of mangy4ooking \ scrubbers in my lifetime aa I see here to-night. Standing here before you, it: warms my heart gives me a pain to know that you: are still faithful to the grand old party. have sold your votes to a gang of robbers. I am sure that you will: reap the benefit get what's coming to you in a wave of: prosperity, blanky poverty. For the next three years you can: rely on my loyal assistance, kiss your own blasted babies. It has been a hard fight, and nsy opponent has: fought fairly. > done the dirtyw T I will sot: keep you much longer, waste any more breath on you* but in conclusion will: wish you a very good night, hope your wife eats biscuits in bed. 35 35 35 New definition of an optimist: The man who bought a surfboard to sport on the Coates wave. 25 25 35 It looks as if Sir Joseph Ward will soon be back at his old trade of Cabinet-making. 25 25 25 Thoughts on defeated members of Parliament: Mr Coates Seddon Tuesday, before the Bellringer had tolled the Bell of doom for the Reform Party, that the Government would still Luke to the country’s interests and would not Potter about, Hawken here and Girling there. His pre-Dickson was wrong. Wednesday came, then Elliott the roof! He was cut on the Lee side with a For-syth, and smashed into Smitfc-ereens like a broken Reid in the Glenn. Quite a Bar tram being a Mason. he could do nothing but M’JLeod sounds of "Hocklyl Hocklyl What a -andslide and Rolleston(e)! How can I be-Kyle the time for the next three years? I wish I Hudson work to do. J’m not Tapley situated, and I can’t now Walter the voting.

25 35 25 With Timaru represented as it is I am not in favour of Parliamentary debates being broadcast. 22 25 22 I’ll bet that the number in favour of pensions for ex-M.P.’s has grown considerably this week. For a thing that's supposed to be about as dead as Julius Caesar the Liberal spirit has a mighty kick, 25 25 25 Now, I put it to you. Mr Nosworthy must have known something. 25 25 25 Talking about gardening. French beans will climb without any assistance, but could we develop a self-hoe-ing potato? 25 25 25 This is an interview about the election that was NOT published. The editor asked me to call on old Alsoran who was among the dead when the numbers went up. He said: “ Tell the public that the result was borne by me with philosophical calmness. I have no wish to be a politician. I came out to save my country smd Fate has decided otherwise—well, J will go back to my plough like the man in the Bible—what was his name again? ” “ Do you mean Cincinnatus? He was a Roman.” “A Catholic, eh? ” " No, a mere pagan.” ** It is well. Like Cincinnatus I go back metaphorically speaking to mv plough with philosophic calm—yes, philosophic calm. I bear no ill-will. I could say that my successful opponent* bandied tales about me, the lying scoundrel. I ignored them. I rose above them, the pic-faced white-livered waster. He is no better than a thief, a liar, and a scoundrel, and when meet him face to face I’ll tell him so I’ll ram his lying insinuations down hi blackguardly throat. I’ll pulverize him.” A motorist out on a spree Said. “ Speed limits don't trouble me” So during a trip He let the car rip. And a full stop made up R.I.P f tx*.g to report that ever since Wednesday night I haven’t met a man who could say “ I told 3'ou so,” about those results. 55 35 25 The strange silence in certain quar ters is said to be due to the Reform leaders being dumb-founded. It is ex pected that when they recover their breath—about next Tuesday—there will be a tornado.