BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18468, 21 May 1928, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys). Don't cuss our Cabinet Ministers. A man can’t sit on a fence -with his ear to the ground, and keep his nose on the grindstone. The way of the transgressor is hard, but his getaway soft.^ Some drinks play havoc in an empty stomach, and some ideas act that way in an empty head. Z'Z Z’Z Z’Z If ignorance is bliss, why is bliss so scarce ? Came across a magazine with an article on “Are we telling our children too much?” Anyhow, I’m not. My impression is that our children know all that we could tell them, and a whole lot besides. A nouveau-riche, showing his estate to a party of friends, pointed to a row of elms and said: — “ These trees will be of no use to me, but they will come in for my posteriors.” One of the party asked whether birches would not have been more appropriate. Sentimental Caller: “And does your daughter play all the songs of yesterday? ” Proud Mother: “Indeed she does. Darling, play ‘ Valencia ’ for Mr Elder.” A schoolmaster named Bird was unpopular because of his quick temper. One morning his pupils wrote on the black-board:— “ Hail to thee, blithe spirit! JBird thou never wert.”. Two minutes later Mr Bird stalked in, glared at the blackboard, glared at his class, and snapped: “ Who wrote that? ” Twenty hands went up and twenty voices replied: “ Please, sir, Shelley.” “ Do you still stock your great hair restorer? ” “ Certainly.” “ I’d like another bottle—for a practical joke on a friend.” j.j An American and a Scotsman were speaking about the intense cold in the North of Scotland. “ Why it’s nothing at all compared to the cold we get in the States,” said the American. “ I can recollect one winter when a sheep jumping from a hillock into a field became suddenly frozen on the way, and stuck in the air like a mass of ice.” “ But, good heavens, man,” exclaimed the Scotsman, “the law of gravity ■wouldn’t allow that.” “ Oh, we don’t do things by halves at home,” replied the Yankee; “ the law of gravity too." I am convinced that the living-chess game will be a failure because when you play real chess and your king is in danger of jbeing checkmated you can always the board, but you cannot upset Lancaster Park. ZrZ Z’Z ZrZ If the Reformers only keep on saying these hard things about one another on the subject of Prohibition the coming election should be a most interesting campaign. At this time of the year, with the school holidays on, comes the problem to Mrs Brown and every other mother in Christchurch: How to keep the boys clean. Mrs Smith’s device is good. She has a room built of white tiles, containing no furniture, and after scrubbing Tommy thoroughly she puts him in. Mrs Jones’s idea is better, because the fresh air is good for children. She ties her Jimmy by the two legs and arms to stakes driven in the back yard. Then she turns the garden sprinkler on him, anl although he gets wet, he remains clean, which of course, is the big thing. However, Mrs Brown’s scheme is the best. She ties her Billy to the garden seat, and ties her husband’s car wind-screen wiper to Billy’s forehead. A sponge is fixed to the wiper. Mrs Brown states that hers is the only really clean boy in Christchurch.