BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18149, 7 May 1927, Page 2

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) At the time of writing I have not made up my mind how to spend thLs afternoon. There are two prospects that please. I did think of seeing Waimairi play Hornby. Have you seen Palp i tackle? He’s good for such a little fellow, and to see him put Vivian in the dust is going to give me several thrills. We are all for the Davids when Goliaths are abroad, and there is no my equal that of a big man laid low. but then again Smithy, cf our office, has given me a quiet tip. “Back ( hristchurch” he says. “It’s picking up money. Merivale are relying on Rhodes as their star back. They think he is on the improve, but he’s due for a slump. With the Labour people in ‘ harge of the council any Rhodes or Merivale ia a rough time.” ile fat 1 a.m.) : “Oh, Jack, wake up! I can just feel there's a mouse in the room.” The Brute (drowsily) : V\ ell, just feel there's a cat, too, and go to sleep.” Advertising Manager—Our new slogan is a success. General Manager—Why so sure? Advertising Manager—The college lads are writing jokes on it for “Bubbly.’ According to a morning paper women are now buying their dresses on the instalment system. We seem to have seen some of them wearing the first instalment. Telephone subscriber: 22 double 2. Operator: 2 double 22. No. 22 double 2. Operator: Two-two-two-two. Subscriber: Yes, but hurrv up. I’ll play trains with vou afterwards. K 1 cndalton: “My wife is an angel—a positive angel—an absolute angel.” er * va^e: “I am sorry to hear it. When did she die?” Hullo, old man! llow are you getting on in vour garden?” “Splendidly. I lifted my first lot of potatoes yesterday ! They were peaches 1 ” -V into the future:—Message from the King to the people of New Zealand : “ The Lord Mayor and Aidermen of the Metropolitan City of Auckland, and men from other centres.” An Aucklander was taken to hospital in a violent fit upon receipt of a letter from Tinwald the other day. ft was addressed to him at “ Auckland, near Matamata.” A North Islander this morning read the headings: “The River Banks —Improvements in City,” and put a nasty one across. “ Why not put a river between them?” he asked. M. Spahlinger has had a week to consider his £IO.OOO offer, but so far there’s nothing doing. Spahlingers. ♦.» ».» The answer to Britain's Note about Mr Mellon seems to be a lemon. « The Duke and Duchess are having a short rest before the Canberra opening. Now the Duchess can have the pleasure of a frown if she wants it, just for a change. “I thought you said you were going to plough today,” said one countryman meeting another at the way to the Amberlev races this morning. “No,” he replied, “I only said I was thinking about it.” “Ah,” said the other, “just turning it over in your mind.” Guileless Partner: “Miss Smith wears that early-Victorian frock awfully well, don’t you think?” Cynical Friend: “To the manner born, I expect.” So Auckland wants a Lord Mayor and some Alermen. The Queen City is alleged to tie the butt of an old gibe when K.B.E.’s were being distributed. They called it the City of Dreadful Knights. Then the Mayor was knighted, so they called it the City of Dreadful Knight-Mayors^ “ Evervbodv knows about it. Some people take her part and some take her husband’s part.” “And I presume there are a few eccentric individuals who mind their own business.” Small women are now getting their frocks in the juvenile department. But so are the large women. “ Speed is becoming the curse of New Zealand,” said the serious man. “ I don’t agree with you.” said his acquaintance. “ ou see, I m a rent collector.” “My brother has just sent me a photo of his new car.” “ Oh. what kind is it?” “ Just an ordinary tin-type.” The boys and girls of a South Christchurch neighbourhood were invited by their teacher to; write, their own personal rules of life. The collection included the following:— “Vou must always be obigent, clean your neck, stand ereck, and swallow good fresh hair.” “ Don’t get nosey or hit anybody with cross eyes because it gives you bad luck.” “ Never try to steal a dog’s bone or you’ll have no pants.” “ Always live fair and never ask your father or uncle for money when they are drunk.” “ Don’t steal from the collection plate and if you hit a girl vou are a coward.” “ Every week you must have a bath, whether you want it or not.” “It makes me shudder to hear that woman next door driving nails.” “ But the noise is trifling.” “You don't understand. She just came in and borrowed my silver-backed hairbrush.” When you're thirty miles from the city and it's five degrees below zero and a tyre goes flat and you learn that your jack and pump are in the garage at home and it’s two miles to the nearest house and the occupants of the back seat are unnecessary v wordy ... be nonchalant . light the petrol tank.