LEARNING TO SPEAK ENGLISH.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18015, 27 November 1926, Page 19

LEARNING TO SPEAK ENGLISH.

uunxvj.iu.ivr OrfilAa. £ii'l WJUiOII. Three Frenchmen were going to England for a holiday. None of them could speak a word of English, so they decided that they would each learn the English words they heard people say. The first heard an Englishman say “we three’’; the second heard, “for money,” while .he third learnt, “I don’t care.” When they arrived in England they were walking up a street

when they saw a dead man lying on the ground. lie had been murdered, and while the Frenchmen were loojcing at the. body a policeman came up and said: “ What’s this? Who did it?” The first Frenchman answered, ”We three.” “What did you do it for?” “hor money,” answered the second. “ You’ll be hanged for this,” said the policeman. *‘ I don’t care,” proudly answered the third.

PUZZLES. AN ENIGMATICAL BOUQUET. 1. An animal, and to fall uncxpect* edly. 2. Part of the body, a consonant, ana comfort. 3. To neglect unwittingly, a pronoun, and a negative. 4. A shrub, and part of the leg. 5. An animal, ard part of the dress. 6. An animal, and a sounding instrument. 7. A vehicle, and a people. 8. Lovable, and a boy’s name. 9. Produce of the dairy, and a kitchen utensil. 10. A sweet substance, ard to nurse. 11. A conjunction, and corrected. 12. Darkness, and a covering. (Solution on Wednesday.) TWELVE HEROES FROM SHAKESPEARE. I wonder at the concert wili Charmac be there; he always looks so grave and sober on the platform. Could he laugh, or is his gravity only a sham? Letters for me! how delightful. This is from Frome; ore from Chadfal, Staffordshire; and this from Nora Wray; benediction is not her great point, but you will be amused reading it. Look up, child; do not be so shy. Lock my desk, please; I do not wish it to be left open. George said, when in the balloon, he could not tell which looked the most wonderful, sea or land; one must, I should thir.k. be amazed at both. Put the book on the table. Are you wanting to read it? Look at that poor horse; so tired, and hot spurring, it is really most cruel. To leave this neighbourhood we shall be verv loth, Ellongowan is so charming. My brother thinks Capri a most lovely island; be prefers its scenery to any he has seen. (Solution on Wednesday.) THE DISHONEST SERVANTS. Three gentlemen, with their servants, had to cross over a river in a boat in which two passengers only could be transported at one time. The servants were known to have planned to murder ar d rob one or more of the masters if two servants were left with onp master or three servants with two masters. The question to be decided was how these six persons were to cross so that the boat could be returned and yet so that the servants on either side of the river should not outnumber the masters. How could it be done? (Solution on Wednesday.) RIDDLES Why is a watch like a river? Because it won’t run long without winding. When is sugar like a pig’s tooth? When it is in a hogshead. LAUGHS FOR LITTLE FOLK. . WANTING MORE CAKE. Tommy: “ Mother, do your spectacles really make things look much bigger than they really are?” Mother; "Yes, my dear, they do.” Tommy: “Then would you mind taking them off while you cut me my piece of cake ?”—“ Bunnit*.” JUST WAIT. Small Brother; Mother says .she’ll send you straight up to bed if you hit Big Brother: You just wait until after supper! USEFUL NEIGHBOURS. Teacher: We borrowed our numerals from the Arabs, our calendar from the Romans, and our banking from the Italians. Can anyone think of other examples? Jones: Our lawn mower from the Smiths, our step-ladder from the Browns, and our baby carriage from the Robinsons! WHEN “ What do you do for your living?” “ I sell balloons on Bank Holidays. What do you do?” “ I sell smoked glasses when there’s ail eclipse of the sun.” BEATEN. A boy was lying on the grass at the cross-roads, when a traveller asked him the way to the village. The boy jerked his thumb in the direction. “Well!” gapped the man. “If you can show me a lazier trick I’ll give you half a crown! ” “ Put it in my pocket, please,” said the boy, yawning. “A MAN ON THE QUAY.” | Old Salt (spinning yarn)—And when I came up the river I found the dock gates locked.” Landlubber—" Well, couldn’t you unlock them?*” Old Salt—“No; you see there vsas a man standing on the quay.” MENTAL ARITHMETIC. There was a young lady of Looc Who was never able to do A sum in her head. “ I cat only,” she said, “ Subtract two from four and leave two.” AS BIG AS ST PAUL'S. The United States patrol ships have added to their duties as watchmen the task of attempting to blow up parts of the bigger icebergs so as to make them disperse more quickly; but an iceberg needs a great deal of explosives before it hauls down its glacial flag.

The Nrgest fcxberg sighted in 1326 by tnc United States patrol was a monster of 1,000,000 tons, covering as much space as St Paul’s Cathedral, and even more massive. No fewer than 2101 b of high explosive were placed‘on it. and fired by electricity. The great mass quivered, but even this miriature earthquake shortened its life by no more than two days at a generous estimate. The biggest ieelierg.s have to be watched for weeks and left to fade away by melting in the warmer « they ii vade. A DOG WHO WENT S~TOPPI’-0. Some dogs are very clever, as I expect most of you know, and they have very eood memories. When the-/ h-i'-once visited a certain heuse or shop they generally remember it next time they go along that way. Also, they can be taught to do things at certain times. For instance, some dogs will meet a ' paper boy or * postman, and take papers or letters back to their master or mistress. One dog war taught by his master to go into a shop by himself, carrying a written order in his mouth for dog biscuits. The shopman would take the paper from the dog, read the order, and give the biscuits to the dog, who would carry them home and eat them. Time after time the dog appeared at the shop for biscuits with the order in his mouth, till at last the shopkeeper gate him the biscuits without looking at the paper. But when the doc’s master received the bills he complained that he had been charged with more biscuits than he had ordered. The shopkeeper was surprised, and the next time the dog came in he looked at the order. it was a blank sheet of paper! It was discovered that the dog had liked the biscuits so munch that whenever he wanted some he just hunted around for a piece of white paper, and then trotted off to the shop with it in his mouth.