You Can Always Find ’Em If You Look

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17865, 5 June 1926, Page 17 (Supplement)

You Can Always Find ’Em If You Look

(By

James J. Montague,

the American Humorist)

DON'T tell me all the JIJ possible scenarios is used up already,” said the movie producer. “ The trouble is that most of the people in this game is dumb bells, and don’t know a good idea when they see it. Me —l’m different. I’ve seen everything that’s been put on since the days when a picture of a railroad train would draw money, and I’ve read every book that’s been wrote since Nick Carter’s day, and so I’m in a position to know when something snappy falls into my hands. “A lad was in here the other day with an idea which nobody ever thought of before, and as soon as me and him gets a chance to work it out and put in a little love interest and bring it a little more up-to-date it will be such a knockout that, all there'll be to do is to sit back and take in the coin. “It's so good that it’s a wonder nobody ever thought of it before, because it goes back to the old times when armies didn’t have no airplanes and machine guns, but fought with rocks and battering rams and anything that come handy. I’ll just give you a line on it, and you’ll know I’m right. “The story is about a kid that was herding sheep in a little town in the old country, and a battle was goin’ on in the outskirts. If the army that was , trying to get into the little town had got in, they’d have cleaned up a whole race of people, and run the country after that the way it suited ’em. “Well, the general of this army was a big feller who had such a reputa-

tion for a killer in those parts that just the sight of ’em would scare a whole army cold, and shake then nerve so that they couldn’t put up a half decent fight. “Before a battle this big bird used to walk up and down in front of his troops and dare anybody in the opposition army to come and meet him in single combat —the winner to be declared the victor of the battle. It was a scheme that would have saved a whole lot of bloodshed if it was applied to our modern wars, and I don’t see why it ain't done more nowadays—but if you was to make such a suggestion to a general nowadays he would give you the laugh. Them fellers has got terrible reactionary lately. “Well, this big general had won most of his wars by himself, for there wasn’t nobody in any of the armies he had challenged who could lick him, and ac cording to the rules that was in force in them days it wasn't allowed for any body else to jump on him but the one man who had been picked out to fighi him. “That gets me back to the kid who is the hero of the play. This kid as I told you was a sheep herder, and to

amuse himself while he was waiting for the sheep to get fed up on grass and be ready to go home for the big sleep, he used to heave rocks with a sling shot at the mean sheep in the herd, just to let them know who was boss. “By practicing at this he got pretty good. He could pick out any sheep in the bunch and ping him on the nose every time, being careful of course not to,croak him, for sheep in them days even was worth good money. “By and by he got tq practising on sheep herders working flocks in the adjoining farms, and if he had used sizeable stones instead of pebbles a lot of farmers would have had to sign up new hands soon. He got a big reputation that way, and was invited to sling shot tournaments, all of which he won till he was all covered with medals. “Well, when this battle was about to start all this boy’s friends were sure it was only a question of time before they would lose their property and have to go wandering off to find a new country, because the general, I told you about, had never been licked, and, as far as they supposed never could be licked. But somebody was smart enough to think of this young fellow, and so they went out and got him and told him to bring his sling shot and come down to the battle, for there was just a hundred to one chance that he would do some good. “When the date set for the battle came, the big general strutted up and down in front of his army and yelled to the opposition that if they wanted to save a lot of lives they would sign a stipulation to let him and their best man fight it out single handed and abide by the result. They had a long

conference on the other side, and sent for their best fighters, but none of them was willing to interfere. Then the backers of the sheepherder took him aside and told him now was his chance, and the little chap came forward and said he was game for the job. “Of course he was laughed at at first, but when he had plunked a couple of camels with his sling shot they decided that he was pretty good, and it would be safer to chance him than getting the whole army cleaned out in a big public battle. “So he went down to the creek and picked out a pocketful of rocks about as large, as hen’s eggs, and with his sling shot in his hand he went out to the front line and hollered to the big general to come on over and fight. “The general gave him an 2mused look and advised him to go home to his mother, but when he found the kid was in earnest he said: “ 'Well, come on along. I’ll begin on you, and then they can send a man out if they’ve got one in their army. “The kid walked up to him pretty close and the general was just making a pass at him with his sword, and something pinked him on the forehead

and he folded up like an accordian. "The crowd thoußht he had tripped on something and fallen and a lot of his gang came up to help him up. But he was past helping up. “The little fellow had caught him between the eyes, and stopped him from being a general any more. V\ lien his friends saw what had happened they were prettv mad. but the boy was still standing there with another rock in his sling shot, so they thought it was safer to run up the white flag. "Of course there's still a lot to do with the story before it can be made into a scenario. We have got to work in some wav that the kid and the gem

eral is both in love with the same girl, and that the general would carry her off if he had won the battle. But any good scenario man can fix that up. The important thing is that big tight situation, and it’s funny that with all the scripts that’s been written since this game started nobody had ever thought of anything like that before.”