Fun and Fancy

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17569, 20 June 1925, Page 25 (Supplement)

Fun and Fancy

“Now.’ 7 said Mrs Brindlo, “just as soon as wo got a good cook, dear, I am going to give a dinner. n “ All rigid,” replied Mr Brindle, quickly. M illie : “ T say,"father, what is an 1 egotist ?” Father: “An egotist, my son. is a man who tells you those things about liimself which you intended to tell him about yourself!” Binick: “Why do* blushes creep over girls’ faces?” Cynic: “Because if they ran they would kick up too, much dust.” i “ The last time I was in camp,” said Private Jiinsou. “Die temperature on three successive nights dropped to zero.” “ That’s nothing,” said an old soldier; “that’s nothing.” “What's nothing?” asked Jimson indignantly “ Zero!” “ Didn’t you once say that your wife was the making of you?” “Only once,” answered Mr Meek. “ Henrietta happened to hear of it, and said it was very unkind and unjust to blame her in that manner. 7 ’ Respect everybody’s feelings; even you may want to know her address, never ask her where she “ hangs out.” A.: “ The Joneses arc moving.” B: “ Why, they’ve only' been hsrc a year. People were just beginning to get to know them.” “Yes; that’s why they’re going.” A little boy saw a lady running towards sx ’bus which- was just starting So lit; shouted, “ Hurry up. miss, else you’ll miss it if you want to catch it.” Blake: “I’ve bought a book on etiquette. I’m pretty well up on it now.” Drake: • ‘Then I’d like to ask you a question. Is it polite for women to smoke when men are present ?” In the playground Johnny struck Nancy. The teacher saw the incident and was stern. “No gentleman woulu strike a lady.” she said contemptuous ly. Johnny reddened and struggled for a repl\ r . “ And no lady,” he blurted out, “ would tieklo a gentle man.” “She’s a finished vocalist; don’t you think so?” “I wish she were.” He: “Did you ever hear that Jag son’s wife speaks two languages?” She: “Yes.” He: “What are they?” She: “The one for company and the other for Jagson.” If is a great strain on seine people to live up to their clothes. He : “ How old should you say Miss Skinner is?” She : “Old enough for people to begin telling her how young she is looking.”

I “Did your last employer give you a reference?” “ Yes, but it doesn't I seem to be any good.” “ What did he say?” “He said I was one of the I best men his firm had ever turned out.” j Visitor: “Do you go to school, 1 Tommy?” Small Boy: “What’s the use I can’t read, 1 can’t* write, and 1 can’t draw; so I don’t go.” Stranger (sampling stout with evident appreciation): “Really', this >s ■ splendid stuff ! They say it is both 1 meat and drink.” Bystander (interrupting): “ Shore, an’ it’s might ye are, sorr: an’ if ye take plenty av it it’ll foind ye lodgings, too.” “Yes,” said the boaster, “I work very hard. Why, I go to our well every morning and pull up ninety gallons of water.” “That’s nothing,’ replied the super-boaster. “ l get a boat every morning, and pull up the river.” Other people’s mistakes cause us a lot of unnecessary' trouble. Doctor (to patient): “It’s nothing to worry about—just a little boil on the back of the neck But you must keep your eye on it.” Professor': “What do you mean by such insolence? Are you in charge of this class or am J?” Student (humbly): “ f know I'm not in charge, sir.” “Very well, if you’re not in charge, don’t try to act like a conceited ass.” “Your father was pretty' wealthy when he died, wasn’t he?” “Oh, yes.” “Did he leave your mother much?” “Oh, about twice a week.” Utile Dora: “Ma, are you going to give me another piece of cake?" Motheer: “Why do you want to know?” Dora: “Because, if you’re not, I want to cat this pieco very slowly !’* “ Father wants to know if there is such a. thing as a tobacco trust?” the little boy asked. “Yes, there is.” replied the man or business, genially “ Well, then,” said the boy, “ will you trust hinx with a couple of ounces ?” “Yes.” said Miss Oldieigh to her friend Miss Smarte. “ I enjoy the society of Algv Fitznoodle. He keeps rne interested. He is always saying something that one never hears from anybody else.” “Really!” rejoined Miss Smarte. “ Has he been proposing to you, too?” “ Ah. me,’’ sighed the hired man “This is a workaday world.” “You said it.” responded the grizzled farmer. “ Work a day’ and take two days off.” “Not happy? With so brilliant a bride? Why, man, you got the girl who was the talk of the town !” “So T discover.”