A KING OF WIT AND HUMOUR.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17246, 12 January 1924, Page 8

A KING OF WIT AND HUMOUR.

NEW STORIES ABOUT GILBERT. If Sir W. S. Gilbert had not been, according to himself, “ a clumsy and inefficient supeaker.” suffering from an “ unconquerable nervousness.” the fruits of the great librettist’s versatile genius might have been lost to the theatre and the world. Like many other briefless birristers, be turned to his pen as a means of livelihood; wrote an article, illustrated by himself, for “ Fun,” aud so began his entry into journalism His first brief as a barrister was to defend a woman prisoner—and the defence was not a success. ‘ 1 No sooner had the learned judge pronounced sentence,” wrote Gilbert, “ than tho poor soul (Gilbert’s client) stooped down and, taking off a heavy boot, flung it at my head, as a reward for my eloquence on her behalf; accompanying the assault with a torrent o finvective against my abilities as a counsel and my line of defence. 11 The boot missed me. but hit a reporter on the head, and to this fact I am disposed to attribute the unfavourable light in which my speech for the defence was placed in two or three of the leading daily papers next morning.” Many other interesting facts concerning tho great dramatist’s life are told in “ W. S. Gilbert; His Life and Letters,” by Sidney Dark and Rowland Grey. After his first play was accepted, the stage manager. Mr Emden. asked Gilbert how much he wanted for it. The young dramatist, after hesitation, suggested £3O. Mr Emden looked rather surprised. He wrote a cheque, asked for a receipt, and when he had got it said; “ Now take a bit of advice from an old stager; never sell so good a piece as this for £3O again.” That Gilbert took the advice is proved by his receipts from one play alone, “ Pygmalion and Galatea.” It earned £40,000 for him. Gilbert’s humour often slipped out almost unconsciously. From his letters we get many instances of his merry quips. Thus, while suffering from an attack of gout, ho wrote to a friend : PLEASURE MIXED WITH PAIN. “ I am afraid I must reconcile myself to the prospect of being a cripple for life. . . . However, I’m not going to howl about it. “ I know, from vour example, how delightful one may be, Respite a drawback of that nature and how much enjoyment may be drawn from one’s life under such conditions. But 1 should like to be able to wash tbe back of my neck.” In another letter to Sullivan, his brilliant musical collaborator, he again mentioned bis gout. “My right foot, which I call Laboucbere,” he declared, “is very troublesome, and I take a vicious pleasure (not unalloyed with pain) in cramming him into a boot which is much too small for him. My left foot (known in Homburg as Clement Scott) is a milder nuisance, but still tiresome, and would hurt me a great deal if he could.” Here is another typical Gilbert letter : “ My dear Dorothy.—l have been on the look-out for a basset-hound for you. and I think I have heard of one, but I shall know for certain on Wednesday. . . . You won’t beat him (unless he deserves it), or throw him at vour mother (unless she deserves it), and know that it is very wicked to torture dumb animals (unless they deserve it). “ "With love to your mother (if she deserves it), and regards to your father (if he deserves them). “Affectionately yours (if vou deserve it), ** W. S Gilbert. LAUGHABLE LIMERICKS. In another letter he wrote: “Heaven bless and protect you and make you a better woman.” Writing to a woman friend, who had gone to Ramsgate, he concluded: “ Don’t you marry a bathing machine “My dear Dorothy.” he wrote on another occasion, “ I’m making a lovely lake . . . especiallv for you tb bathe in. I said to myself, ‘ What would Dorothy like better than anything else?’ and the answer was a lake, because her mother was one once.” The lake to which he referred was constructed at Gilbert's home. “Grim’s Dyke,” and he wa3 drowned in its waters in 1911 while trying to save one of his guests 'who had got into difficulties. In still another letter the dramatist perpetrated a number of limericks. Here are two : When I asked a young girl of Portrush “ What book do you rqad?” she said, “ Hush ! I have happened to chance On a novel from France, Aud I hope it will cause me to blush.” There was a girl of Calcutta. Who anointed herself with salt butter. She looked very well. But they say that the smell Was too utterly, utterlv utter! BOASTING OF BURGLARIES. One of Gilbert’s best stories concerned a visit he paid to New York. He met the chief of the city’s police, who told him that New York possessed the most efficient police force in the world. Tn order to make conversation. Gilbert remarked that supposed that, if that were so. burglaries were quite unknown. The police chief was most offended. “Sir.” he said. “I would have you know that there are more burg’aries in New York than in an}’ other city on earth.”