PROGRESS OF SCIENCE.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17230, 22 December 1923, Page 1

PROGRESS OF SCIENCE.

HASHIMURA TOGO AGAIN. To Editor Star "Weekly who have a mania for World Movements and other Coniick Strips, writes Hashimura Togo, Wallace Irwin’s quaint creation : Dearest Sir : What will Science be doing nextly, and if so when ? I ask to know. I tell you how I come to «get this dense thought wedged in my Wain. Last Thursday p.m., while resting from my servant-girlish employment, in Hon Kitcliin of Mrs and Mr C. W. Qunckmire, T took a slight recreation in Zoology Park for look at annimles and rhoose which one I am descended from, if any. Right befront of a very fierce cage I stood with Darwin expression while reading enlarged signal: AFERICAN LION HANDLE HIM AT YOUR OWN EXPENSE. My brain commence galloping and I think, “Everything cost something nowadays. You cannot even handle lions without paying for it.’’ I might have thought stiil more, but of suddenly I was scared out of my

left shoe by enlarged rory sound Jike Hon Lion was hollering at his sister across the street. Jumps by me. And what I see then? Shux. Or was it? Standing so close 1 could scratch him were a sort of sidewise gentleman with considerable intellect under his strawhat tied on with string. One glinip at his bias whisker informed me that lie was a Professor. “Ah. Star-faced Japanese boy!” He shout that megaphonetically. “I are so relieved to see you are interested in Scientifick Fax.” “’Pleased to meet them, I are sure!” This from me. “Goody!” he chub. “Then let ns knodk our brains together on yonderly bench while holding a discussing match. I can unscramble the Progress of Science for you all the wav from A to Z or in similar letter in Jewish. So we go to bench, where I set down greatly pressed by my new-born friend. Mr Editor, I have met several statues m my life but never before have I observed such concentrated eye-glasses like than Hon Professor had. “Where shall we begin?” he ask to know, setting his wise elbow on my “ Wbat kind have you?” I requite jaffably. “ Let us commence with Science of Electricity,” he sober up. “In yr. 1923 electricity have advanced in leaps and hops. You have heard of Dr Steinmetz? You have. This Hon Steinmetz can accomplish anything by electricity. By his suburb genius he have invented an Electrickle Massage which will do away with hair, thusly making barbers unnecessary. He have invented an eiectrickle ottomobile which will do away with Fords, thusly earning vote of thanks from entire human race.” “ He are indeedly more of an Electrickle Lizard than Hon Thos. A. Edison,” I exit excitedly. ‘ Indeedly is!” narrate the Hon Pro. “ What have Hon Edison ever accum-plishe-i axept make pickled music and restless photos? But- this Hon Steinmetz can manufacture lightning which jump out of a box.” “Do he know some way to get it back again?” I beseek nervely. “ That w-ill come. That will come.” dib Hon Prof. “In meanwhiles this enlarged Stein metz brain keep on thinking new Science for benefat of human race. You know- what he say? He say that Electricity will be only thing needed by Human Race in 211 yrs. Think that ! How easy to live by Electricity! You require dinner? Merely send Dottie round to tensen Store for 1 qrt.. electricity. You require 6hoe-polish. newspaper, and Seidlitz powder? Who will get it for you? Electricity, by Hack!” “That will he very velveteen for working man.” 1 manipulate. “ You said that !” he renounce. “Hon Steinmetz promus faithlessly that in 21 years labour will st-op doing so nearly all time. On that date of Electrickle Utopia bricklayers will work four (4) hours da ley.” “ Maybe they would be too tired,” I stroggle. And all other w-orkers would do same,” he scandalise. “ Four (4) hrs. work daley for everybody- -carpenter, banker, boot-liquor, patriot.” “ That would leave 20 hrs. vacation dalev for all human races,” I notate. “ What could persons do with so much time hooked to Lheii hands?” “ Sometimes one thing, sometimes something else.” pronounce Hon. Prof., nudging his teeth emotionally. “ Think of how- much there remains to do with no time to do so! With 20 hrs. thinking daley people could find out what

Hon. Radio Set are trying to 6ay when it start that hooting noise.” “ Or they could find some sweet sub • stitoot for Coal,” I snuggest. “Science have found that already,” he grip. “Congratulate!” T holla- “ "What are this substitoot for Coal?” “Exercise,’ be renig and keep on. “In 21 yrs. deep breathing and Electricity will do all work for mankind. By those time wo will have electrickle actresses, electrickle prizefights.” “Electrickle funerals also maybe?” I peruse. “No, enlarged bv 1000! i-” he jar. “ In 21 yrs. there will not be funerals ” “ How could people die without one?” I questionaiie. “Ah. That are my si prise!” he pronounce distinctually. In 211 yrs death will be so unfashionable that nobody will have it in rhe house- Please observe Scenee again.” I do so. “ Fanuis chemists and druggers all over world have done something to kick out disease from every corner Maybe you have got slight attack of diabeetis.” (I. jump). “ But be of good cheerio. It are cured. How is? One famus doctor from Canada have brewed a peculious liquor name of Insulin. He make it in his cellar secretively * “ Nearly everybody in U.S. do that, yet they seldom cure anybody,” I oilicute. “ Pussiblq, he begrime. “ But this Insulin make you live forever whether

you like it or not. A famous doctor iu Chicago have dishcovered another way to live indefinitely : Take the Dirty Dozen by Walter Campus every hrs. and eat nothing but raw carrots. “ Think of the suicide it would cause!” I mone. “ Pussibly,’ he begrime. “But cumpared with good health? and see how Hon. Rockfeller Institoot are working at night to keep Hon Jno. D. young as Hon. Chauncey M. Depew! Observe how many boyish old men are popping up on every side! How do they get such a spry. Maybe you could learn by askihg some monkeys and a few gorillas.” “The monkeys are the glandfather of the humain race, by Darwin,” 1 siug. “ Dndoubtlessly,’ pulraote Hon. Prof. ‘ And if not, what then ? Let us talk Astronomy. Kindly look at the stars all around you.” I attemp to do so, hut got too much sunshine in the eye. “Do you know that a Professor in the University of Duluth have dishcovered a machine that w-ill measure stars, planets and comicks?” he en quizz. ‘ How muchly do they measure ?” T ask to know. “ Sometimes one, sometimes another,” he divulge. “Do yon reelize the size of this Earth?” “It seem too large when it earthquacks,” I report. “ Yet Hon. Sun are 27,000,000. times more large than Hon Earth,” he salify. “ Hon Sun must feel pretty swellhead to know that,” I say it. “ How could lie? For there are stars residing in Heaven which make Hon. Sun look lige. a flyspeck on the Goddes of Liberty. About 6 block West of the Milky Way there lives a star name of Beetlegrease who are 110,000,000 times more larger than Hon. Sun. What you would think of such a star?” “ I would think what a salary he would get in Hollywood,” I example. “ O sordy mind of man !” say Hon. Prof, with a w*eep. “ Always thinking about dollars insted of discursing topicks like Hon. Will Rodgers! Togo, I see I have frittled away my time with you.” He arose upward and slapped the sunbeams off his pants. “ O dear sir.” I narrate, “ you must be going before felling me all?” “ T must hassen to my Labertory where I am inventing a chemical that will end War,” he grub nobly. “How sweetish!” I holla. “And what are this splandid mecien?” “ It are a poison gas.” he bingle, “ i portion of this, smoked irt a cigaret. will kill the entire human race a.nd several cats.” “Ouches!” I squeek. “And how you think such a dreadly inhaler liko that will end-War?” “ Maybe if I leave you alonesome,” he say deeply. “ you could think it out for yourself.” Therefore he walk away to Insane Asylum where he is welcome Hoping you are the same; Yours truly, HASHIMO RA TOGO.