CHRISTMAS CRACKERS.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17223, 14 December 1923, Page 15

CHRISTMAS CRACKERS.

“ Pa,” demanded the strictly up-to-the-minute irrepressible, playing with his new radio set-, “ what wave-length for (Santa Claus?” “ I think, dear.” said Mrs Grabbit, “ I’ll ask the people next, door to share our Christmas dinner.” “Why?” asked her husband. “Well, the man left their turkey here by mistake, and it seems only fair.” “ Now, my son,” said the conscientious father, “tell me why I punished vou.” “That’s it,” blubbered the boy indignantly. “ First you pound the daylight out of me, and now you don’t know why you done it.” “ Did you hear that Bill was dead?” “ No; what did he die of?” “ Oh, he had lumbago. They rubbed liis back with alcohol, and he broke his neck trying to lick it off.” Dauber : “ Yes. this is my latest picture, and I’ll tell you ten thousand would not buy it.” Blunt: “That’s so, and I’m one of the ten thousand.” Dad: What’s the baby crying about? Mum: Oli, nothing much. He only wants to eat the Christmas tree. The knut was boring the fair young thing to tears. “It costs a great deal more than one would think to become a broad-minded and intelligent man of the world,” he remarked. The young thing saw her opportunity and took it. “ I suppose so,” she said. “ and I don’t blame you for saving your money 1” “ Where are you going to in such a hurry?” “ To the police station to get a warrant for my wife’s arrest.” “ On what charge?” “ Rocking me to sleep.” “ You can’t have your wife arrested for rocking j*ou to sleep.” “Can’t I? You should see the rock 1” Mrs Hiram Often: “ Here, Bridget, see how dusty it is under the bed.” Bridget : “ Yes’m.” • Haven’t I impressed you that you must sweep under the beds?” the dust get there if I hadn’t- swept it under ” : Ah,” sighed the boarder, who was given to rhapsodies, as they tat down to the Christmas dinner, “if we could only have one of those turkeys that we used to raise on the farm when I was a boyl” “ Oh. well,” said the pessimistic boarder, “perhaps it is one. You never can tell.” Doctor: “ You’ll have to send for another doctor.” Patient: “ Am I so ill as all thatP” Doctor: “’I don’t know how ill you are, but I know you are tho man who cross-examined me when I appeared as an expert witness. Mv conscience won’t let me kill you. but I’m hanged ii 1 loci like curing you. Good day!”