FLOTSAM AND JETSAM.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17190, 6 November 1923, Page 4 (Supplement)

FLOTSAM AND JETSAM.

SOME YARNS WORTH TELLING. THE HUMAN HEART. Galen, Veßalius and Aristotle The human heart exhaustively discussed ; Anil now it’s known to heat within a bottle Even when its owner’s dust. I doubt the Fleming, doubt the Pergaminian. More modern dicta render little light. I doubt the forcibly expressed opinion Of the ancient Stagirite. Anatomists, I hold, are frightful cynics. I never shall be found attending clinics, Biologists I sweepingly reject. Whatever they dissect. Though conscious of their laudable endeavour Toward scientific truth, I much misdoubt, As to the heart, if anyone can ever Ferret its secret out. That muscular organ seated in the thorax, Known from before the days of the Ephesians, Susceptible to hat-pin as to war-ax«?, Subject to cardiac lesions, With ventricles and auricles confounds me. All that I know of physiologic fact Is: when I look" at you, it quite astounds me The way I feel it act! THE HIGHBROW. It shames me that a common little tune. Heard in a cabaret, should hurt me so. The plaint of banjoes and the languorous croon . Of saxophones still haunt me, and I know If ’twere some nocturne by a master famed, A Bach sonata, Chopin masterpiece, It still might hurt, but I’d not be ashamed, And shame would not the bitter hurt increase. But this cheap tune makes all my being throb, And I resent it: in my pain a snob ! MIS-NAMED. Three young men, attired in the latest fishing fashion and equipped with the most expensive tackle, set out early I one morning on an expedition, and fished all day with never so much as a i bite to boast of. . . j At five in the afternoon a little girl ; came out of a cottage with what ! looked to be a bit of string with a hook at the end of it, and within a j few minutes landed a beautiful fish. I The young men said things. I Presently a bishop happened along, ! and when he saw the fish he said, j “ Did you catch this fish, my little girl ?” “Yes, sir,” quoth she. Do you know what it is?” asked the bishop. ' “It is a lovely salmon trout.” . "I don’t think so, sir,” said the little- girl. “ Those men over there said it was a blanketty knock-out!’’ RICHES. A beggar -was walking along the street. “ Brother, please help a poor man, he whined to a prosperous-looking citizen he encountered. “ Since when are we brothers.*' asked the rich man. *•' Are we not all sons of Adam, Sirr’ “I had not thought of that,” said the rich man, and handed the beggar a penny. But the beggar was sadly disappointed. “ Tliat is a small amount from a brother,” he growled. “If all your brothers gave you a penny,” retorted the other, “you would bo the richest man in the world.” “ AIBLINS IT JVAS A A Scotch preacher —who delighted in much verbal flourishing before he finally made his point —was one day telling his rural congregation the story of Jonah. “And as they threw the puir mon overboard,” lie said. “ n girt monster i appeared at the side of the Eliip—aiblins it was an elephant, aiblins it was a Hon, aiblins it was a hippopotamus, aiblins ” “Aiblins it was a whale!” shrilled an eager old woman from the front Aiblins you’re a fule!” retorted the disappointed minister, and brought his sermon to an abrupt conclusion. THE SECTARIAN ISSUE. Mr Dolan : An’ you tell me, Father, that iverybody will be there at the Judgment Day? Father O’Flynn: Yes, Dolan, the the L.O.L.’s will be there? Mr Dolan : D’ye mean to tell m© all the L.O.L.’s wil be there? Father O’Flynn : Every man Jack of them. Mr Dolan: An’, Father. I suppose the Ancient Order of Hibernians will be there, too? Father O’Flynn: They will that, Dolan. Mr Dolan: Then, begobs, I’m thinkin’ there’ll be mighty little business done for an hour or two ! OBEYING ORDERS. Mrs Murgatroyd lives in a flat. She believe in bringing up her children properly, and demands instant and unquestioning obedience from them* One afternoon last week, when a heavy storm of thunder and lightning came on suddenly, she sent her small son Victor, to close the trap leading to the flat roof jof apartments. “ The place will be fiorded,” she said, “ so run at once.’’ “But. mother,” began Victor. 1 Victor, I told you to shut that trap !” “All right, mother, if you sav so. but ’ ’ “ Victor 1“ Whereupon Victor slowly climbed the stoirs and shut the t-rap. Two hours later the family gathero< for dinner, but Aunt Philomena, whwas staying with them, did not appear Mrs Murgatroyd did not have t-i> wr dor where aunty was more than < :uVictor enlightened her. “ Mother,” he said. • she's on idle