SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17032, 4 May 1923, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Readers are invited to send in original topical paragraph s or verses for the oolumn, which is a daily feature of the Star.” Accepted contributions should be cut out by the writers and forwarded to the Editor, who will remit the amounts payable. Douglas Fairbanks, the film “ star,” is to visit New Zealand. In view of the immense popularity of this picture actor i offer the following laboursaving contrivances for use in extending him a welcome : A metal chute outside his hotel for the reception of congratulations, letters asking advice on how to get into the movies, and locks of hair from film fans. Mayoral receptions en bloc by telephone. Street phonographs. Cheers to be repeated verbatim by enthusiastic picture lovers. Simultaneous sitting to mass meeting of press men and photographers. Express train with net attached for collection of letters from “ fans ” while travelling the country MISNOMERS. You start a company to make it go, It fails, and so you drop it. It didn’t go but yet has gone, so You wind it up to stop it. This is the house that Jack took. This is the rain that came through the roof And flooded tlie house that Jack took. This is the drain that blocked the rain That came through the roof And flooded the house that Jack took. This is the builder, a local man Who came with five ladders and a motor-van To clear the drain that blocked the rain That came through the roof And flooded the house that Jack took. These are the days, a dozen or so, In which th© water continued to flow In spite of the builder, a local man, Who came with five ladders and a To clear, etc., etc.. This is the drawing-room, ceiling white, That dripped with moisffure day and night Throughout the days a dozen or so. In which the water continued to flow Unchecked by the builder,, a local man, Who came . . etc., etc. And this is the bill which I’m afraid Will some day or other have to be paid, For mending the drawing-room ceiling white, Which fell to the ground one sorrowful night Because of the days, a dozen or so, In which the water continued to flow, Watched bv the builder, a local man, Who came with five ladders and a motor-van, To clear the drain that blocked the rain That came through the roof And flooded the house that Jack took. It is announced that Dr and Mrs Thacker leave Christchurch on May 19 for a tour of “ the States ” and “ the Continent!” Oh, yes, thi« little town’s alright, but it’s too slow for me ! Across the raging main I’m off to see what 1 can see ; Amidst the .scenes of other lands I’ll gaily trot along— For I am off, off to view “ the States” and “tour tlie Continongl” In other lands where bustle’s rife and hustling’s all the go, I*ll push my little barrow in and be right in the know; What blissful hours will fall to me when T have joined that throng 01 tourists laughing through “ the States” and e'er “the Continong!” What stately airs will gird me round, what dignity enwrap ; What honours fall like ripened fruit •within my ample lap! What “simple grace” will compass me, upon my lips and song As I go dribbling through “ the States ” anil o'er “the Continong!” And so rejoice, my countrymen, rejoice and be ye glad, I’ll bring to you such wondrous tales as never you have had ! From Norway’s peaks and England’s lawns, from spicy old Hong Kong! When I have visited “ the States ” and crossed “the Continong!” “It is intended to publish a daily newspaper on the Niagara and other Union Company vessels.”—News item. At any rate the editor will never fie short of a- few- “sticks” (while the vessel retains its masts). Every day fie will be able to get out a new “ log ” ; once n year the vessel (and the paper) will become acquainted with a “ dock,” and even the engine-room telegraph will provide him with “ stand-by.” On the other hand, with a fresh lot of passengers each voyage, he shoxild never be at a loss for a few “ new faces,” and every one knows that a vessel is “ composed ” of “ plates.” Tlie re’s one thing about this newspaper—it’s sure to have a long “ run ” ar.d probably a good “chase.” If ever th© editor gets :nto a “ swell ” lie’s more than likely to find he has got more “ lift ” than fie wants, besides finding himself “off his feet,” and if ever the machine goes wrong he’ll only have to look over the side to see any amount of “rollers.” A correspondent cackles as folDear Sinbad.—At the monthly meeting of the Utility Poultry Club it was reported that the egg production was showing a daily increase. A generalisation of this kind is, 1 firmly believe, calculated to create quite a false impression. My wife is especially indignant over the matter. She refuses to accept such a thing as possible in view of the fact that the nests in our own fowlhouse have been used lor the last three weeks for loosting purposes only. I may state that neither the hens nor the roosters are over ten years of age, so that it would be highly improper to question their “ utility.” Tn conclusion let me express the hope that other public--1 spirited fowlhouse proprietors will have | the necessary “ grit” to deal with this matter.- Yours, etc.. ! “ AVI LUTE LAY.” Cooee-ism reversed.- —Every day in every way the telephones are "ettimr worser and woiver Novel and vet very reasonable was Marjory’s excuse for her baby sister who had pulled some books off the table. “ She’s so little.” said Marjory, 44 nev know-better hasn’t growed yet.” Mav: “Will Shakespeare rightfully said ‘ All the world’s a stage.’ ” Ray:.* 4 Yes. but be neglected to add ‘ Women make most of the scenes.’ ” SIN BAD.