SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17031, 3 May 1923, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Readers are invited to send in original topical paragraph s or verses for* the column, whioh is a daily feature of'the “ Star.” Accepted contributions should bo cut out by the writers and forwarded to the Editor, who will remit the amounts payable. Scone: Oamaru Railway Station. Exit : Right Hon W. F. Massey, Prime Minister. Mr F. D. Thomson, Prime Minister’s private secretary. Mr’E. G. Pouiton, private secretary to Sir Francis Bell, Attorney-General and Acting Minister of Lands. Hon W. Downie Stewart, Minister of Customs and Minister of Internal Affairs. Mr D. Cameron, “Hansard’ reP °Ji t ev J. Howard Elliott, organiser to the P.P.A. Who’ll be Minister of Justice? Now, Reformers, don’t all speak at A clerical error. A long sermon. The weather prophets declare there is no pleasing us. They tried a change at the beginning of the week, but it turned out a frost. Now that the civic elections are done w ith I am in the position to state that there is one section of the comraunitv in favour of increasing the rates—MOTORISTS “ Books of the Week.” I have often noticed this feature in the daily papers and I am anxiously waiting for the following to be mentioned therein: — The Baker’s Book, The Butcher’s Book, The Rent Book. TRAM PROVERBS. Last in, first out.. It is a wise traveller wllo knows the “stops” in the dark. He who loses his ticket is lost. A tram at hand is worth twenty at New Brighton. How great are the words, “Move along, jdease.” Sticks and stones may break your bones and trams are ever draughty. A correspondent who signs himself “ Anti-Humbug ” sends the following plaintive protest: “ If there is one thing I hate it is pedantry. I sometimes burn to array myself in armour and sally forth, like Don Quixote, to slay all the pedants in the world. Strange to say, pedantry is most in evidence where it might least be expected. In advertisements and business signs you will find hundreds of examples. A draper advertises ‘ Men’s Wool Half Hose, 4s 6d pair.’ Now, did you ever hear a man talking about his half hose? Can you imagine yourself saying to your -wife : ; Belinda, have you mended my half hose?” Of course not; s-o-x sox is good enough for any man. Then turn to tlie land agents. They say: ‘We have been instructed to sell that desir able gentleman’s residence situate at the corner of Dash and Blank Streets.’ Putting aside the fact that by answering this advertisement one classes oneself as a ‘ desirable little gentleman,’ how much better it would be to start the advertisement thus: 4 J say, you know* that awfully decent little crib at 1 the corner of Dash and Blank Streets r Well, wo have got that for sale, and it would suit you down to the ground.’ A man recommending a restaurant will say : 4 They give you a jolly good feed ior eighteenpence at the Cosy Corner Cafe ’ ; but the nearest the restaurantkeepers can get to conveying this impression is the phrase ‘ Excellent Cuisine.’ This is sheer swank, of course, and so is the doorplate, ‘ Miss Stitcher Costumier,’ used by every side-street Iressmaker. A determined effort should be made to put down all this pedantry; in most cases the pedanticphrase is quite inaccurate and it is always objectionable.” I sympathise with this sensitive soul, but can only recommend him to grow a thicker skin. A lively little fracas, in which at least a dozen men participated, occurred on the wharves at Lyttelton the other day. rumour that a policeman was coming caused the sudden termination of the scrap, and a spectator asked one of the blood-stain-ed combatants what was the cause of the trouble. “ Sure, I dunno,” said the man, “ I wasn’t there at the start but bedad it was a great little foight while it lasted.” I noticed the following heading in a North Island newspaper; “Maori Remains at Auckland.” Well, that’s nothing to boast about Quite a number of Maoris prefer to remain in Christchurch. A small boy with a penny clutched tightly in his fist entered a Higii Street sweet shop and asked the price of various sweets. Nothing seemed to quite meet his views, and at length the exasperated salesgirl said: “I say, sonny, do you want to buy the whole world with a fence around it for one penny?” The boy considered for a moment and then replied. 44 Let's see it.” “If we name the baby after your rich uncle he may leave us something when he dies.” “Yes, but if we don't he might give us something now.” The Alan : Your little brother saw me kiss you. What must I give him to make him keep quiet about it? The Girl : Ho usually gets half a crown. “ Foolishness,” said Uncle Eben. “ ain satisfied wif patience an’ forbearance. It alius wants to be congratulated.” Said the Jujlge : I sentence you to be taken from this court to the prison, where you will be hanged by the neck until you are dead, on Tliureday, June Said the dark prisoner: “You all •doesn’t mean dis cornin’ June, does you, Judge?” Lady: You said 1 would find that coal an economical kind to buy. Why, it won’t burn at all. Dealer: Well, ma’am, what could you have more economical than that? “ John,” she said timidly, “ are you sure—perfectly sure—certain that you love me.?” “ Darling,” he murmured, soulfullv, “ if I don’t you’ll have the laugh on me after the preacher gets through.” SINBAD.