SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17017, 16 April 1923, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Readers are invited to send in original topical paragraphs or verses for the column, which is a daily feature of the Star." Accepted contributions should ho cut. out by the writers and forwarded to the Editor, who will remit the amounts payable. Selected Nuts, £2 12s per cwt.” It looks as if these exquisite youths are j finding a market price. Jn the Post Office “List of Words ! used for analogy ” for telephone purj po.--es L find “ B for Bill. 1 ’ Yes, but I what Bill? The office boy says, “Ask | any Liberal.” j New paper par: “All lotteries are il- : legal in New Zealand, and no ani nouncements concerning the drawing of any such schemes in Australia can ! appear in our column.” I ilew comes it that the same paper j publishes marriage announcements? On account of the large number of : safe robberies that have taken place m the Dominium during the last few : weeks it i» possible that an effort will | shortly be made to do a wav with those j cumbersome articles in order to stamp • out the epidemic. j The banks have decided in favour ol j issuing smaller one pound notes. Jf at ■ the same time they could be made a ; bit cheaper the movement would be a | popular one. A country correspondent says that he ha,s seen rabbit® jump a fence five ! high. Experts state that this is I three feet over proof. A lion tamer advertises for a situaj tion. It is reported that Mr Massey ( contemplates engaging him for Air . Bee alter the by-election. ! Talking dances, one’s getting rather j U P with jazs bands and steps, j Theres really a new step, however, the Political that hasn’t been adopted by everybody. The origin of it dates I back a month or two ago. and its best exponent is a Northern M.P. He was j sitting quietly in a padded chair when i a bell sounded for divisions; leaping ; to his feet, he was Tindeeided which way to jump, and the funny little i movements lie made, brought forth quite a lot of applause from a section jof the community. Now. he has imi- | fa tors, who have completely cut out ! the Labour Job. and the Vote Vamp. | I*he- new step will no doubt have de- ; votees during the winter months. It is now stated that the rumour that residents of the West Coast were arranging to make a presentation to Air Julian Grande for his candour in describing their towns as “dirty and neglected ” is not true.

As the card playing season is upon us a few hints as to the methods adopted by experts may not be out of place. Any person interested may use these directions without payment. Always choose your own partner. Take the deal at every opportunity. Thi s saves time, trouble and. argument. Say nasty things about the dealer i if iu euchre, you do not have the j joker and two bowers; bridge, eight ino trumps; poker, three aces. Always trump vour partner’s tricks. This lets the other players see that you simply don't care a hang, what. Either by a wink, nod. or shuffling of feet, tell your partner the suit you require. If your apponent objects, glare at him and say “Oh no! You’re mistaken.” This will please him. W hen loosing blame your partner; when winning, yawn and look as if you really can’t help it. RAT (E) S. ; Somebody has just sent me a demand I fur rates. It is a very nice letter, and j the paper is of excellent quality- the | phrase that really matters is—“ the ! sum of £ll 2s Bd. . . . And what do I | have to show for the money? A few i loads, perhaps, a drain or two, and a I few electric lights which sometimes go j out when it blows from the sou’-west. ! And for these and all other mercies £ll 2s Sd. Could I not do without ’em, and spend the cash on something tangible? Say a run to Akaroa and back, or a couple of novels? Of course J could. This £ll 2s Sd is demanded of me for back rates : and a water rate is included therein. Water rate! Pah! For a month or two I couldn’t use the water on my garden. And what was the result. The onions died, the cabbage blighted, and my winter Brussels sprouts, refused io sprout. In the circumstances, and with the Municipal elections about due, it seems a little ungenerous t-o demand any payment of rates at- all from me. T have another story to tell. I’ve quite a long wnj to go yet in this column., and 1 could do it easy if only some neople T might mention would only let me go it in mv own way. and not interrupt ( u Who is interrupting?”—Ed.) There von are you see. . . Anyway the other story will keep. QUACK,QUACK. I notice that the B.M.A. is still adverse to doctors advertising. Jt's .i pity. I hope to see the time when ; medical men will l<e as free to push a j publicity campaign as the nill manuI lacturers. Something like the followj ing is what a long suffering public re- | Does you heart bump badly? Is your digestion disturbed? Have you a shaky feeling in the morning, green specks before the eyes, pains in feet alter walking, and a disI position to look in the windows of un dertakev's- shops after closing hours? Come and see me anil be CURED in a fortnight. J. STETHOSCOPE NOSTRUM. M.D. Only address; 00 Hanmer Square. Advice and medicine half-a-dollar. Full allowance made for returned empties. Children under 12 halt price. | Who cares for the B.M.A. ? | THE MOTOR LAWN MOWER. j Round the city public lawns, a little j motor lawn mower chugs, and behind ;it follows a man. He does not push. ]he merely guides it. Now X reckon i this is the greatest invention of the ! eentury. To tic* ordinary man. wiref less flying machines, egg carriers and j such are unimportant, but a petrol ; lawn mower at a ccunle of quid would mean happiness to every married man in Christchurch. ; For after all. few men worry about the hereafter, but to nearly all the j growth of grass is a nightmare. It Takes the glory out of the spring and | saddens the summer. : When 1 saw this machine, f nearlv ! fell off my bike in astonishment. Tt j was so marvellous. There was n man j following behind, not pushing, not porI spiring, not nothing, just following the ! smell. Never in mv most sanguine j moments have 1 imagined a lawn nirnv- [ ~<l that way. After seeing this I w ill i believe in the greatness r- man’s iu- ! ture- All things are possible. j SINBAD.