Among the Poets

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16987, 10 March 1923, Page 5 (Supplement)

Among the Poets

n & n il * H ;j h Bouquet of Verses y —,>-————»-rR--l ’^3CSS3^I THE SHIP’S A-CALLING. I’ll sign and sail in the Lord knows what. I’ll go to the Lord knows where; From Wellington I'll beat my way To the Isle of Tonga lair ; From Chalmers Port to Pnrramat’ 1 know I’d not go wrong I’m out to work, a sailor me, The sea’s where 1 belong. I’ll take a torn in the mud scow j trade, _ . A trick in the Cool; Strait run; ; I’ll feel the kite of the Horn winds cold. The hum of the Indian sun ; j I’ll go the round of the blessed lot From San Fran U; Hong Kong; I’m out to work, a sailor me, The sea’s where I belong. There’s many a quaint old sail ir • town T’d like to fetch again ; There are men T know in Mexico, j And a girl T know in Maine. I’d like to drink in Marseilles town, ' Hear Ma’mslle greet “ Trey Bon? * I I’m out to work, a sailor me, The sea’s where J belong. j I’ll sign aboard the first that com *.s, , And any old ship’ll do: And 1 don’t much care if she’s sUarr. | or sail. Or whether she’s old or new. There’ll be never a tramp too slow for me, Nor guano freight too strong ; So long as I can get to sea. For that’s where I belong. Christchurch. TE PAN A. MY DEAR AND ONLY LOVE.

| Mv dear and only love, 1 pray That little world of thee Be governed by no other sway Than purest monarchy; For if confusion have a part, Which virtuous souls abhor, And hold a “ synod ” in thine heart, : I'll never love thee more. As Alexander I will reign, And I will reign alone , Mv thoughts did evermore disdain A rival on my throne. He either fears his fate too much, Or his deserts are small, That dares’not put it to the touch, j To gain or lose it all. But 1 will reign and govern still, And always give the law, And have each subject at my will, ; And nil to stand in awe; But ’gainst mv batteries if I find, j Thou kick or vex me sore. As that thou sot me no a blind, I 11! never love thee more. And in the empire of thine heart, Where 1 should solely he. If others do pretend a part, Or dare to vie with me, Or {f “committees” thou erect, And no on such n score. I'll laugh and sing at thv neglect. And never love thee more. Bui if thou wilt prove faithful, then, And • onstant of thy word, i’ll tv- ' Ice thee glorious by my pen, ; Ami 1’ vinous by my sword;' i I’ll serve tliee in such noble ways ; Was never heard before; j I'll crown and deck thee all with hays, I And love thee more and more. —JAMES GRAHAM. THE SUNSET. ! An almost perfect day was drifting o’er the edge of time. And lonely tint of blue and pink and gold made skies sublime. The summer heat was tempered by a i light, refreshing breeze. And many folks were lounging in the I '- • - Jr <33 to hf RV-s feeling languid ; he h d" had a heavy day. So many forts to plan and build, sand new soldiers to inspect; He felt so weary quite content to cuddle down and rest, Unheeding all the grandeur of the lovely shining West, But now, in swift obedience to the wishes of his sire j He fixed his sleepy eyes upon the I gleaming hall of fire. Then murmur’d in a drowsy voice, “It’s red-hot now—gee. whiz! I And. Daddy, when it drops into the | water will it fizz?” I —MARIE A. -FRY, in the “ Red I Magazine.” SO HAVE L : Mrs Riches has a carriage— Sb have I. ! And she drives her dappled ponies Proudly by But I wheel my carriage wide, With my baby boy inside. She mav simply thrill with pride. Well—so do I . Mrs Riches has her jewels— So have I. With her diamonds and her pearls ; Grander T, ® With the little arms that cling Like a necklace, precious thing; She has jewels she may bring, But—so have I. Mrs Riches has a kingdom—• So have I. She has built a wondrous mansion Standing high. But mv kingdom is divine, Just s baby’s heart, all mine, u Sho has much that mav he firm. I "»■> f rRSTJLA BLOOM, is. “ ?ears-ra’s Weekly ”

"West: “ What do you really think of these film actors?” East: “I don’t think they’re half as bad as they’re pictured. ’ ’ Doctor (looking at thermometer) : “ H’m! I don’t like your temperature.” Patient; “Then why did you take it?” Author (proudly - ) ; “ My works will live after 1 am gone.” Critic: “Possibly; but in strict retirement ” Lena: “What’s the trouble?” Lionel: 'The car won’t run.” '•What's the matter?” “Father’s been-fixing it again.” Scientific Barber : “Do you know that when the edge of a razor is examined under n. miscroscopo it has teeth

like those of a saw?” Customer; “I don’t need a miscroscope to know that.” Herbert: “ The people in the flat above us are constantly fighting.” Sydney : “ Must be unpleasant for your wife.” “ No she likes to have a fuss made over her.”

“ What kind of neopie are your new neighbours P” “ They haven’t ’ung their washing out yet!” Phyllis: “ Did you ever have any difficulty with your French in Paris?” Jack: “No, but the French people did.” Clerk: “Since I married, sir, I fine that my salary is not large enough.” Cynical Employer: “ The usual discovery, my young friend. And nevei will be again.” Mamma (to three-year-old Diana, wh< is crying) : “ What is the matter dear?” Diana: ‘Tommy hit me.’ “Did he hit you on purpose?” “Nc ho hit me on my back.” Wife (at 2 a.m.) : “ Wake up, John wake up! There’s a burglar in th< next room.” Husband (sleepily) “ Well, I’ve no revolver. You go ir and look daggers at him.” Kind-hearted Woman (being showr through the gaol) : “ Won’t you be glac when your sentence is over?” Convict “ I don’t know.” Lady : “ You don’i know. Why?” Convict: “I’m in fo] life.” Cuthbert: “Pa, what is a family tie?” Father: “Mine, I expect, foi every time I want it one of you kids is wearing it!” R.ob : “ And when I kissed her .1 smelled tobacco.” Bob: “ You objecl to a woman who smokes?” “ No, bul she doesn’t smoke.” Grocer: “What are you grumbling about? D’ye want the earth?” Cus tomer : “ No; not in the sugar.” Father: “What can you offer nr daughter that equals or excels what sh< has now?” Young Suitor: “Well, 1 think my name of Montgomery is ai improvement upon her present one o Richard (aged four): “Don, what i a parsnip?” Donald (aged seven) “ A man what preaches in church i called a parsnip, and the other rr v hat helps him is called the cruet Importunate Lady (who has been s jecting a child to a running fire c questions): “ T= the skin of the fo: ;r/., - •‘Child- Yes.’ Lady “What for r” Child • For ecci'/f the- fox warm, of course.” ■ V A dinner was given to th - j . ■ h. - ‘ - C ■ ■ , • J th scaffold than for public speaking ' Mrs Knicker: “Do you look f c work?” "Weary Willie: “No mum me method is to listen in for it.” Watchman: “Didn't you see tha notice ‘Road closed’?” Cyclist (wh has fallen down th© hole in the road' “ Yes, confound it! And found it wici open.”

Gertie: “Sometimes you appear to be really manly, whilst at other times you are quite effeminate. How do you account for it?” Bertie: “I suppose i lfc mn6t he heredity. You see, half my ! ancestors were males and the other half females.” Oa-Uer: “ I’m collecting for the poor, do yon do with your old clothes ?” Mr Rags : “ I hang them up carefully ?'• the evening and put them on again in the morning.’* “ The doctor said my illness was caused by a. germ.” “What did he call it. I really can’t remember 1 caught the disease but not the name.” Jo-ynea: I tell you, Singleton. you don’t know the joys and felicities of a contented married life, the happy flight of years, the long, restful calm of— Singleton: How long have you been marriedP Joynes: Just a month. Brown : “ There’s something queer about that fellow.” Black: “In what way?” “He admits that he plays as good *>a game of golf as ho is capable A worthy old lady offers the following Bdvioe to girls :—“ Whenever a fellow pops the question, don’t blush and stare at your foot. Just throw .vo-ur arms around his neck, look him full ! in the face, and start talking about the fUrniture.”

Spoof kin : Hero is that book, ma’am, "How to Play the Piano.” Mrs Surly: What book? I didn’t order any book. Spoof kin: No, ma'am, but the neighbours did, and they told me to bring it you you. Mrs Newly Rich had come to be photographed. " What am i to do?” she said to the camera man. “If I keep my gloves on people won’t notice rny rings, and if 1. take them off they will think I can’t afford gloves.” Jones: Aren’t the mails dreadfully slow? Smith: Yes, but that’s an advantage sometimes. Jones : Why, this morning 1 received "the Browns’ card for yesterday’s reception. Smith: So did I. Jt gave me a really decentexcuse for not going. Abie: Fader, dere is a customer in de shop who rants to know if dose all wool unshrinkable shirts vill shrink, j Father: Does it lit him? Abie: No. it's too large. Father: Veil, den, dey vill j shrink. “ Dickie,” said his mother, “ when you divided those five caramels with your sister did you give her three?” •• No, raa. I thought they wouldn’t come out even, so I ate one before I began to divide.” “ Well, you’re not two-faced, anyway.” said one man who had been quarrelling with another p “I’ll say that for you.” “ That’s a. very handsome acknowledgement-,” said the other, mollified. " Because n you were,’’ the | first man' continued, you wouldn’t be j seen out with that one.” Mrs Cirnmercy: Nor that rve have suffrage, how in the world can we know which candidates to vote for, my dear? Mrs Park: I'm going to trust to rny intuition and! run a pin through the ballot paper. “Mv dear Mrs Smith. I think your j daughter recites remarkably well, | don’t you?” “ Vos. All she needs is •v short course in electrocution, sort of j to finish her off, as you might say.”

“ In some countries a man is allowed more than one wife. That is polygamy, in Christian countries he is only allowed one. What is that called?” { “ Please, sir, monotony.” Jones: “ Do you know how to run a ; motor-car?” Smith: “Why, I thought j I did until I had a short conversation J with a cop yesterday.” ! He: “Why not give me your replv | now? It is not fair to keep rae in sus- ! pens©.” She; “But think of the time | you have kept me in suspense.” ! “ That last little thing of yours was ! charming,” said the gushing hostess!“l loved its wild abandon. Was it ! your own composition?” “No, madam,” scowled the lion of the evening, | “I was putting a new string on nv violin.”

r ' ' ■ r the usual .ent): “Now realism in this . - jots you, don’t 6it , as if somebody had p v leap about two feet into and fall heavily on your face. Caller: “ And this is the new babyP” Fond Mother: “ Isnt he splendid?” Caller: “Yes, indeed.” Fond Mother: | “ And so bright. See how intelligently he breathes!” | ' '■ ■ I T--

Pat: ‘ : He borrowed sixpence from j me, but 1 wish it had been ten bob.” j Mac : “Why?” “He’d remember bor- j rowing ten bob, but he’ll forget all ■ about the sixpence.” “Johnny! "Wliat do you mean t.y j coming to school with your hair in that disgraceful condition?” “No comb, mum !” “ Can’t you use your fiber's comb?” “No hair, mum!'' Mother : “ No, Tommy. One piece of 1 cake is quite sufficient.” Tommy: “ All i right. But I don’t- see how you can ex- j peet me to eat nicely if you won’t let j me have enough material to practise j “ I dreamed last night that I proposed to a beautiful girl.” he confided. “And what did I say?” she queriel j breathlessly. “ Please, sir. father wants to know if j it is true that there is such a thing as j a tobacco trust?” “ Yes. mv lad. there ; is.” replied the tobacconist. “ Well, i father would like to be trusted with ; two ounces.”

“ This is my second act dress —don’t you think it’s topping?” “ Oh—middling.” “He has confidence in himself. He believes h© can do anything.” “ That so? Has he ever tried t-o play golf?” A martinet of an old colonel, on inspecting the regimental band for the first time, asked why a six-feet-hig;i man played the piccolo- “He ought to he ashamed of himself!” he said. “ Why doesn’t he play something bigger?” A barrister earning about £IOOO % year was insured for £15,000. He got shipwrecked, and was rescued by a miracle. As soon as his raft reached land he cabled to his partner: “I am saved. Try and break it gently to my wife.” The young dootor and his friend were sitting at the club window when a richly dressed woman pas 'd. “ There goes the only woman 1 • -»r loved,’ sighed the M.D. “ Is ’ queried the other. “ Then * m? her?” “ Can’t - patient.” Tommy Uncle: \ stiuy vji what Toe jtressi; v owed no moido 1; so | -in’ me about .g I does. Your I the kitching is mv j v a : “I want nn engagement I a- young lady.” Jeweller: -ir-; about what size?” Young “I don’t know exactly, but she . twist me round her little finger, if -liat’s any guide.” Boiles: “My daughter can do anything with the piano!” Neighbour: “ Could she lock it up and drop the key in the river?” De Snob : “ I’ve got an awful lot of ancestors, haven’t I?” Candide : “Yes —an awful lot.” Guy : “ He that courts and runs awav may live to court another day.’* Gertie : “But he who courts and does not wed may find himself in court instead.” Little Ethel, aged three, suddenly burst out crying at the dinner table. “ Why, Ethel,” said her mother, “what is the matter?” “Oh!’’ she whined, “my teeth stepped on my tongue.” Solicitor (to girl in county court): “You are a spinster?” Girl (with an indignant blush): “Indeed I am not; L am a single girl-” Solicitor: “Have you a husband?” Woman: “Only a part-time one. He is a traveller.” “ You describe yourself as a widow. Is that true?” a witness was asked. Witness: “Well, I’ve buried three husbands, so I suppose 1 am entitled to.” Solicitor: “What kind of a girl .s she?” Witness: “Scent, impudence and artificialities.” “Have you any means?” a defendant was asked. Witness: “No; but 1 have stock—six children.” He “ Do you think your father would be willing to help me in the future?” She: “Well, I heard him say he felt like kicking you into the middle of next week-” Questioning a class, an inspector asked: “If you were to say to me, { You was here yesterday.’ would that be right?” “No. sir,” was the reply. “And why not?” “Please, sir, because you wasn’t.” She: “ That man I was talking to bored me awfully, but I don’t think T showed it. Every time I yawned I hid if with my hand.” He (with the best of intentions) : “ Really, I don’t see how small a hand could hide—that is—ah—er —oh, let’s take a walk.” Village Tailor: “Bones is your docror. isn’t he?” Shoemaker: “He is.” “ Do you think he ever helped you?” 1 Oh, yes. I think he has. He tells ail his patients to walk mere.”