SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16943, 18 January 1923, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Readers are invited to send in original topical paragraphs or verses for tbi» volume, which is a daily feature of the " Star.” Accepted contributions should be cut out by the writers aud forwarded to the Editor, who will remit the amounts payafble. Do women over-eat ? asks a newspaper. From experience I have never known a woman have more t-han one choooLate in her mouth at a time or take more than three ice-creams at a sitting. Notice in hotel bedroom: “Have you left anything?” Why not change it to “ Have you anything left?” Senior Partner: ‘ Is that r.ew clerk a young man who watches the clock?” Junior Partner: ‘‘‘No, but I’ve noticed that he watches the typist. As soon ns she begins powdering her nose he puts up the books.” Th© election din has died away Ab such dins always do. And now I’ll have some time to read— Being from more serious matters freed The cricket matches through. Scientific culture has succeeded in evolving the pipless orange and the seedless raisin ; surely something might be done about raising kctJneyless lambs. A day of mourning was observed against' the French advance. Flags were flown at half-mast and the church bells tolled. And the French were so annoyed they turned right round and went off back home again. A gentleman who had the misfortune to lose his season ticket for the railway rang up the editor of the country paper and asked him to advertise the fact. Unfortunately the editor heard the message imperfectly and took it for a news item, with the result that it was announced that "Me regret to state that our esteemed citizen, Mr Browne-Green has lost his reason.” Naturally the gentian an was furious and demanded that a denial should be put in. It came in the form of a paragraph stating that Mr BrowneGreen had regained his reason. Again he rang up and insisted that a full explanation of the mistake should be made. Next issue contained the following: “ W© are asked to deny the report made in our last issue that Mr Browne-Green had regained his reason. We are told, and have every reason to believe, that the report is incorrect.’ Jack sailed the stormy sea, A sailor hold was he. And he cried: “ Yoho! On strike I’ll go. The owners I will clearly show They can’t work points on me.” On strike he duly went, Without his wife’s consent. He cut a dash In manner rash, About the town he spent his cash. With idleness content. His savings went like smoke. And soon poor Jack was broke. On striker’s pay He has to stay While food gets scarcer every day, ] tell you it’s no joke. Meanwhile the owners planned, Their ships they quickly manned With men quite keen Such jobs to glean, And soon upon the ocean green Ships sailed for every land. t Now Jack’s fair got the spike, j* He'd very greatly like Once more to be Safe back at sea. But no one wants him there, so he Has got to stay on strike. A communal song for the boating enthusiasts of this our stately Avon : - Tune: ‘ Lazy Mississippi.” Nights. I’m always lowing. Rowing up the stream. Where the mud-flats shimmer, And the duckies dream. Chorus : Where the shingly shangly shallows Grind upon the boat; There the joys of river-rowing Fairly "get your goat.” And th© mud gets thick and thicker. And the long weeds float — Where the shingly-sliangly shallows Grind upon the boat ! I am going to offer myself to the workers of New Zealand as their representative on the Arbitration Court. Mr Reardon and Mr Hunter may just as well retire. I* am certain to h*> chosen. If the Federation of Bar Loafers ask me to use my influence to see that bar maids’ earrings must be worn short enough to avoid dipping into the glasses oi beer. I shall do so. If the Seamen’s l iv.on desire to avoid having to work their ships on the sea. 1 shall do my best to get their wishes carried out. and if tlio Bakers’ I niosi want to avoid using flour in the maim fncture of bread. J shall help them as far as my skill and ability will allow. If there is an attempt to lower anybody’s wage, I shall oppose it strongly. That is one tendency of modern industrialism that deserves sturdy opposition —I mean th«- tendency to depreciate the work of the workers, evidenced in the gradually decreasing wage-scale. T shall not use my own individual judgment—no worker likes to think that his chosen repn sentative is capaide of such a shady proceeding. MV motto shall ever be : " More "Wages and l.css Work.” Ob. the ex-M.P. lie paced the room, And tore his scantv hair—'lh© ballot-box had sealed his doom And made him cuss and swear. He ambled wildly to and fro. And smote, his fevered brow ; And cried, ‘ Oh. lord! Where shall I go A fearsome vision met his sight, He saw hi 6 awful fate— Row wif© and he night after night Sat dining tete-a iete. No “Bellamy’s” till two a.m,, / No quiet little sprees, “ Home Rule ” will put an end to them For married ex-M.P ’s. EXTINCT. 1 Wo read a lot in the papers these days about the various things which have been shown to the Chatham: Island children : here are a few things tl-ey weren’t shown The Christchurch Town Hall; The Railway Surplus ; The Summit Road ; The New Brighten Fire Engine: A house to let at a reasonable rent: An empty seat in a five o’clock tram . A bookmaker : A satisfied farmer: An hotel beeper serving after 6 p.m. . An obliging Civil Servant; A waitress in a hurry ; Mr Massey’s majority ; A house for sale that wasn’t “An Ab solute Snip”; A contented taxpayer; A truthful gas meter; A disengaged ’phore number ; A golden sovereign : A bargain sale that wasn’t “ An Appalling Sacrifice.” SINBAD. ,