SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16941, 16 January 1923, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Readers are invited to send in original topical paragraphs or verses for this Volumn. which is a daily feature of the *' Star.” Accepted contributions should be out out by the writers and forwarded to the Editor, who will remit the amounts payable. Men who can thauk their lucky stars—The moving picture millionairedirectors. Weather prophets usually get the kind of weather they predict, but unfortunately generally get their dated sadly jumbled up. A matter of absorbing interest. —A “ Wanganui ” with the froth at the bottom. The bank clerk had played poker right over the week-end without a break. With his head positively swimming and supported by his hands, he sat on the stool at his counter on Monday morning. Presently along happens a fair damsel who, placing a £2O on the counter called out “ four fives!” “ They stroll in,” came the dreamy response. I used a slot phone the other night. Forgot to lift the receiver—gave the wrong number —another penny. Leaned on the hook -penny more. Got engaged answer, hung straight up. but no penny returned. Through at last. A man cut in. exchange cut me out, lost a button off my trousers, spent fourpenee and then somebody says that exchange is no robbery. The rise in the price of tea is. we hear, attributed to some smart work by the Liquor Trade. Already some steady tea-bibers are experimenting with beer. ‘‘Great Scott. Amelia!” I said at breakfast, ‘ What on earth's this stuff?” T peered dubiously at a. cup full of blackish-looking fluid, witli black grains floating on the surface and congregating at the sides. “ Drink it. and be thankful,” 6aid Amelia piously, “ it’s paid for any- “ That being the case,” I replied; “ one might as well use it up.” One might,” agreed Amelia dangerouslv. It was enough. I drank. I also shuddered. It was rile. Still, Amelia’s temper was vile. too. . T drank again “ Now. solve the mystery, dear.” T begged. “What is itP “Some of your Exhibition Spoils?” “Can't you tell from the taste?” she asked. Now. how was I to tell her that if T judged by the taste, T should call ita combination of vitriol and ginger. So I said nothing. “Well.” said Amelia, “tea has gone up fourpenee a pound and this is—- “ A tea substitute!” I cried excitedly. “ Exactly?” said Amelia. A MODEL MAN. T saw a paragraph in one of the papers the other day describing the points of the model husband —here's my entry for the stakes (untried) : He don't play the fiddle. Part his hair in the middle. Or dress like a Cashel Street dude. When he goes to a party With M’Gee or M’Garty. He never is noisy or rude. He lives with frugality, And 6weet conjugality. Drinks beer but twice every day He never eats onions Or treads on your bunions; Or swears when you get in his way. He's both wise and witty, Persevering and gritty, He owns a magnificient head. He’s all light and sweetnesses. He’s thorough completeness. He’s perfect, in short, —but—He’s Dead. Noticed the other day that a lady objected to being called a spinster. . . How would “ Lady-in-Waiting do? A recent cable says that the United States refused to increase its army. . . Don't blame 'em when they have the Kn Klux Klan, to absorb all their armed forces. As a sign of National Mourning at the invasion of the Ruhr. Germany is decreasing ihe consumption of alcoholic liquors. Ts it cause, or effect —? or a sympathetic appeal to the Great Dry State ? “ Now. Mr Smith,” said the Law Professor. “ will you please tell the class what weight you would give *o circumstantial evidence?” “I will, sir.” said the Student, “if you will tell me whether 1 am supposed to be Crown Prosecutor or Counsel for the defendant.” “Fellow tax dodgers.” began th-3 candidate. And that put him in right with his audience at the start. u Sometimes a luxury becomes a necessity.” “ Yes—immediately, if your neigh bour one.” Maloney Jr. : What’s an “ amicable settlement.” Pa? Maloney Sr. : A town where there’s no Oirisli, Oi suppose, sonny. “You are young. Nephew William Your face is quite tanned; Yet you clench very tightly, My Nephew, your hand! Emotion has marked you. You trembled and groan; Oh. why do you fidget. My Nephew, and moan! The hot tear is forcing Its way from your eye—Oh prithee, fair William Wilt’ not tell me why?” ‘ I am young Uncle William, ’Tis thus as you say. Yet L feel like a hundred. Oh Uncle, this day l You ask why I fidget. And tremble as well. Pray get out your hanky.— A sad tale I tell! Now hark, oh my Uncle, And prick up thine ears I’ll teach you the lesson That’s aged me ten years l At Brighton last Gala I bathed in the sea; Then baked on the sand-hills As long as could be. And now. Uncle William, My gay youth ha 6 fled l—l’m sunburnt, dear Uncle, A deep, angry red! The passengers on the Jake steamer, having just finished a really good dinner. were enjoying the beauties of the evening. Airs Be Vere surveyed the glories of the scenery, and felt she could cry from sheer happiness. A majestic ravine came into view, all tender greys and shimmering browns and blues. She held her breath till they had passed. “Oh, George.” she said, “what a lovely gorge that was.” “ Yes, darling,” he said sleepily, ** quite the best feed we’ve had since we left Dunedin.” SINBAD.