SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16875, 27 October 1922, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Readers ar#> invited to Bend in original topical paragraphs or verses for this column, which is a daily feature of the ‘ Star.” Accepted contributions Bbould be cut out by the writers and forwarded to the Editor, who will remit the amounts [ payable. An exciting cablegram from states that a medical patient swallowed a thermometer. The unfortunate doctor who was taking the temperature surgically explored the thief and retrieved liis instrument. The cable does not neglect to mention that the thermometer was unhurt. The patient!" Oh, well—hang the patient. “Moving Population.” -Too true. The carrying companies could .say a word or two about midnight flits. The modern girl has as much trouble in finding anything in except a powder puff, as her mother used in finding the pocket that was hidden in her skirt. The astronomers are very mueli concerned over the fact that the recent eclipse of the sun occupied three seconds, less than schedule time. Jt is felt that the solar system at least might be kept free from these cheap Yankee speeding-up methods. A well-known fashion journal is responsible for the statement that hooks Indies' dresses. Excuse me ! the hooks may have vanished, but all eyes arc still on them. It is becoming quite the thing to have a little spiritualism at all social evenings. In fact, the spirits of the dead are now the life of the party. " Everything can he expressed in terms of mathematics,” said the* serious student. “That’s true.” said grammar either.” “ How do you make that out ?” “ Well, take our landlady for instance ; I should describe her as ‘ first person, singular, accusative case, imperative mood, superlative cheek. governing everything and everybody.” 1 hate the old nor’-wester that blows across the plain; it simply comes to pester and give us ail a pain. It. whistles down the gullies and gathers dust and grit, with which it soils and sullies our clothing, every bit. It sapft my health and vigour and makes mo moan and sisrli : I empty my square-rig-ger. but still feel just as dry. My hands get. rough and grimy, my temper’s all on edge : it must be sent to try me and make me sign the pledge. It uses all its powers upon my garden bed: it withers all the flowers and leaves them limp arid dead. The ground I raked so level and sowed with tender car is now blown to the devil and all my seeds laid bare. And still this darned nor’-wester continues to annoy, like some blamed silly jester it makes us all its toy. It comes up quick and gnsty and blows the clothes line down ; it leaves the house all dusty and makes the missus frown. Through streets and lanes*it’s tearing, goldarn it’s rush and roar—but stop! I will be swearing if I write any more. Passing through the Square the other day, I was the victim of a curious optical delusion ; a fair young tiling distinctly closed her right eye as I went past. Naturally, I out it down to the presence of an unwanted bit of .sand or grit (there was that most unusual of things in Christchurch, a nor’-west-er. blowing) but on second thoughts. T can only fall to the sad conclusion that she meant it. At any rate it inspired

c the following:— The wink—all! a most potent thing, 1 And made with fatal ease. e It cannot tend to righteousness, ’Twill lure the birds from trees. s And. when from out a flapper’s eye > It flashes like a lance. s ’Tis then we silly mortal men Qommcnce a looney dance. 1 However introduction oft. s ’Tween lifelong friends ’twill be, AND—“ Honi soit quit pense ” Long live the wink for me ! t *** Now it came to pass that Peter was at the gate inspecting the newest hatch ! of arrivals when he noticed a. prosperous looking mortal pressing past. . Knowing from his well-fed appearance , that he was neither a pressman nor an L indent agent, he inquired his business. “ Peter.” said the mortal, “let me [ just glance inside, only glance at Heaven. I don’t want to stay.” ‘ Why?” inquired the Guardian of the Gate, “ what wert thou on earth that thou only requestest permission to look?” “ I am a land and estate agent. Father Peter, and I have run olut of adjectives to describe a new bungalow which is just on my books for sale.” And there was a hiss as the flames of Eblis received yet one more addition. America finds it difficult to- keep the land dry while the sea is wet. Apropos of the mooted Si clean up ” campaign a gentleman writes to say that" the best form of interior decoration he knows of is*a square meal. Women are different. Wives are alike. ” It is impossible for the public to understand railway matters.” Extract from speech by Mr Maseey. It is. “ Drift Bottles.”—ln the Avon any evening? after- 6 p.m. A politician’s good-bye.—Much adieu about nothing. “ Power for Hawke’s Bay.”—Accounts for Mr “ Vigor ” Brown. DUST DODGING. ** Subscriber ” writes :- - Sir, —There really are some uses to Health Week. After carefully perusing the long contributed article- yesterday on the varied kinds of dangerous dusts, T began to fear that I must have been exposing my valuable health to appalling risks. A friend, however, has shown me an invaluable method of dealing with this danger. Taking me gently by the arm he led me into a bright shining room on one of our main streets, and from the young lady behind the counter requested 14 something to keep the <lust down.” Whereupon the said lady, after mysterious rites before a brazen and porcelain image, handed me a large flagon brimming with a. liquid which she designated as “ just what the doc r tor ordered.” Sir. it was most effectual, and after partaking freely of this remedy I ceased to care whether I swallowed dust or not. Should any of your readers desire to know more about this invaluable method of laying dust, I, myself, will manage to spare the timo from my duties to instruct them in the . course. It is necessary, however, that *. they understand that the cost of a*l 1 treatments must be borne by them. i »SINBAD. <