SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16814, 17 August 1922, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Readers are invited to send in original topical paragraphs or verses for this column, which is a daily feature of the Star.” Aooepted contributions should be out out by the writers and forwarded to the Editor, who will remit the amounts payable. “ Anti-Noise Campaign ” —News heading. Tooting little, hooting little motors with their noise; Squabbling little, gobbling little, wretched little boys, Peace-disturbing, temper-curbing bells on bikes and cars. Babies prattling, milk-men rattling, banging round their jars, Roosters squawking, vendors hawking wares from door to door. Carts are bumping, nerves are jumping, Life, can’t hold much more. Cats are calling, crockery falling, boots.. of course, must squeak. Neighbours singing (?), 'phone keeps ringing, factory whistles shriek, Pokers dropping, postman stopping, cry goe.s up, “ How long?” Nerves are. shattered, bruised and battered, constitution’s wrong. “ Peace and quiet, free from riot ” Life could hold no pain It they’d “shoot” and institute an Anti-noise Campaign. The proudest moment of a small boy’s life is not when he gets a prize for regular attendance at Sunday school. It is when he is asked to hold up the front end of the big bass drum when the village band goes out in a parade. What real emotions would fill the heart of many a, man if his wife paid as much attention to the holes in his socks and the buttons on his nightshirt as she does to her club and poodle ! We are a nation of professional liars, says a, Yankee attorney. Only the fact that he includes himself in his estimate sort o’ takes away the sting. Belle—l don’t like the looks of that fellow you are going with. Nell—l’m awfully glad you don't. 1 want him myself. AS IT* WAS. The prodigal son was browsing around the pig pen looking for husks. “ With bacon at two bob a pound.” he mused, “ mighty few persons can afford to mix with h0g6. ,, Comforted by this reflection he sat down to his frugal repast. BRIEF TALES. Little Willie, Dynamite, Big explosion, Boom ! Goodnight! Reckless father, Motor car, Railroad creasing, Awful jar! “ Swat .the fly, oil the mosquito, fcill the rat and get rid of the cat if you would ward off germs,” says a doctor. Thank heaven he does not say the dames must poison the poodle or boil the parrot ! ’Tis a wise doctor who knows the limit of advice. THE BRAVEST MAN. Of men heroic, great and small, The bravest one we ever 6aw Was he who wore, in view of all, Hi<i old last season’s Panama! TRAIL DUST BY BRONCO 808. Rope every smile you kin. Out every steer from your herd that bears the trouble brand. There ain’t no use tryin’ to close herd OT Grouchy if you are ridin’ the Joy range.

You’ll never git bogged in the quicksands of vice as long as you keep to the trail of Righteousness. IN 19Mr Bertram Blithersome gazed severely at his wife over the tops of his glasses. “My dear” said he. solemnly, “we are neglecting our duties in a very serious manner. It has been over a month since we had the Brownses in to play put and take. We must have them this week-” Mrs Blithersome shook her head sadly- £ ‘This is a very hard week, Bertram,’ said she. “ I’m afraid we can’t arrange it this week.” “Tosh! Stuff! Nonsense!” blared Mr Blithersome. “ What’s the matter with having them in to-night? Let’s get it over and done with on the very first day of the week.” “Now, Bertram.” protested Mrs Blithersome “ you know very well that this is the. Inet Monday in the month, and the day on which the Government inspectors search the house for concealed tobacco, liquor and playing cards. I simply cannot plan anything on the day they come.” “ All right. All right,” growled Mr Blithersome. “ Make it to-morrow then. There is never much of anything doing on Tuesday- And before those Government inspectors come l>e sure and bury that box of cigarettes of mine in the garden." “ I buried it early this morning before any one else was up." said Mrs Blithersome. “ Tuesday is impossible because that is the day I have to fill in the Government blanks showing our itemised expenditures for the preceding week. You know the Government put Mr Smithers in gaol for eighteen months because he. forgot to put down his expenditure on moth balls iu his weekly expense report.”

“ Al’m,” said Mr Blithersome. “I'd forgotten that. And we can't do anything on Wednesday because we have to attend compulsory prayer meeting. How about Thursday ?” “Oh dear.” mourned Mrs Blithersome. Thursday is the day we have to receive the Government health inspectors. They will be very particular with us this week because last week they found that the neck of one of my blouses was an inch too low and that you had neglected to cut. your corn. And on Friday the Government morale officer comes round to investigate our morale. I’m sure he’s going to find it has fallen and that he will preeribe a course of exercise- and light amusement for both of us.” ‘‘You bet it’s low!” said Air Blithersome. “ But the only thing that will help me will be to kill one of those confounded inspectors. II hat’s doing on Saturday ?” “On Saturday,’’ replied Airs Blithersome, sighing deeply, “we- are forced by law to entertain the cook and housemaid and their friends at tea, as you very well know ; and on Sunday we both have to rest to get ready for the coming week.” Throwing up his hands with :a despairing cry, Mr Blithersome. strong man man that he was, sank into a chair and burst into convulsive sobs, in which he was joined by Airs Blithersome. As soon as a girl gets married she immediately sees a whole lot of admirable qualities in the fellow *>he turned down to marry the one she did If a young fellow’s dad slammed him around and banged him up as do his football colleagues he'd have the old man arrested for cruel tv to animals. STNBAD.