SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16714, 21 April 1922, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Readers are invited to send in original topical paragraphs or verse for this column. Accepted contributions will be paid for.

As a result of the fire at the Imperial Hotel (Tokio). many prominent visitors were unable to attend the public functions owing to their dress clothes being destroyed among other belongings.---Cable.' Dear Sir, I very much regret I can’t attend the ball ; My clothes have been destroyed by fire. And none are left at all. I walk the streets in bathing suits, And in my pyjamas dine ; And though 1 *d love to join the throng, I simply must decline.

My lovey, darling, ownest Jack, I got your lovely 7 note, You want me to come out to tea At twelve o’clock, you wrote. Alas, I fear it cannot be, Though I would fain be there ; The flames have burnt my frocks, and I Have not a thing to wear.

Dear Lady Smythe, your kind request W ith pleasure fills my soul ; Your garden parties I adore, But yet I’m in a hole. For in the awful blaze last night My clothes were frizzled some ; A blanket is the best I have ; If you’ll stand that, I’ll come! Suggested motto for any New South Wales Labourite:—“ Turn again. Whittington.- ’ Mr Massey announced the other dav that the Government is floating a £0,000,C00 loan in London. Mr Massey gave very few particulars, but I am now in a position to furnish details of tho scheme. The loan, as has already been stated, will be a £5,000,000 one, square-rigged fore and aft. it was originally intended to launch it in the Meat Pool, but this has been found impossible, owing to the low financial tide. Instead, the loan will be floated in London and will proceed to New Zealand under its own steam. It will be capable of a speed of at least 5 per cent. \ Professor Hawruss writes 44 The reports published by th© Fisheries Department with regard to th© spread of salmon in New Zealand are. in my opinion, most misleading. Certainly the Pacific and Atlantic varieties have done very well ; but these are not by any means th© only fish in the pool, so to speak. .The other day. while trawling in the Wairarapa Stream, T secured quantities of a swiftly-moving fish, which 1 had no hesitation in identifying as the Snlmo Sagittarius or Shooting salmon, popularly but erroneously known as the common whitebait. Again, not so long ago 1 discovered in a fish shop in Cashel Street an extremely rare speimen of Salmo Canilis, or Dogfish Salmon, known to the public as blue cod. These important discoveries promise to revolutionise th© fisheries of New Zealand. Incidentally, my daughter Annette reports the capture of a salmoncoloured young fellow at the Winter Garden, whom she describes as a queer fish altogether; but I have no confirmation of this.’’

I do not like the crafty Hun. liis ways are sly and cunning; the things that he has lately done would merit ail men’s shunning. The Conference begins at last to run along quite sweetly, and then the German hastens fast to bust it up completely. For with the Bolsheviks lie makes a pact of foul intention, and now with fear Genoa quakes, and curses this invention. Yon can't reform the blooming Boscbe, for he’s a hopeless fellow; a leopard's spots as easy wash, or turn a nigger yellow. It is reported that thousands *>f American soldiers relieved of duty on the Rhine have taken Herman wives back to the U.S.A., which no doubt accounts for tho latest ragtime song success, “ Ma Little Hunny.” Note from the financial columns: “ What we want more than cheap money is cheap land.” No doubt the land agents will oblige. (Loud cheers.) A trade authority states that five hundred million of the people of the world are meat-eaters. William Ferguson Massey’s Meat Pool is going to dictate to them when they shaii eat and what they shall pay. I trembled before the great editor who had demanded’4rom me a story true to life for inclusion in his special number. “ Cut out all the talk about sunsets and green bills and the shade of Pauline’s hair. Give us human stuff. My paper features stories of the emo tional type.” Rapidly I outlined a plot. 44 It’s like this,’ I said. “Ethel Smith, a beautiful and virtuous girl, and is seen and longed for by a young sheep farmer with a large bank account. Ethel, struggling to live on seven guineas a week, succumbs to the gold-washed promises ot the sheep person and goes away with him. believing that he will fulfil his promise to marry her. But far away in the bush he leaves her to her fate. A year later she confronts him and shoots him dead.” The editor held up his hand in disgust. “Rotten,” he commented. “ That’s utterly untrue to life.” “Well, how's this?” I asked. “ Ethelberta Smythe, a young anil beautiful shop-girl, repulses the advances of the Australian racehorse owner who is visiting New Zealand connection with the bookmakers’ petition to Parliament. He plots to ruin her. Finally, completely won over by the girl's strength of character, he disguises himself and obtains a job as a window cleaner at the drapery shop where Ethelberta is employed. He makes ardent love to her, and she, failing to recognise the racehorse man in his humble disguise, falls in lo\e with him. He then reveals liis identity, marries her and takes her back to Sydney, where bookmakers are free to practise their calling. The editor was enraptured. and kissed me on both cheeks. “ That’s the real stuff! that’s true to life!” he cried. “Here's a cheque for £SO in advance—and do you think you can write it by the morning?” (All film rights reserved.) Doctor : I can’t make out your wife s case at all. sir. She seems to have lumbago, rheumatic joints and gout, a sprained neck and a curved swine. Bilibins : 1 know what it is, Doc. She was reading in our cozy corner and fell asleep. “ Viligance ” writes: The relief of neretuous cases at the beginning of the winter may be regarded as a hardv peranmial. and while T am not anti gonistir to mils upon private charity mere Spadmosic giving will not eludicate this difficult carborundum. Tdo not propose that any charitably-mind-ed persons should limitate their giving, but there, is undoubtedly a divulgence of opinion ns to the best prodecedure to bo adopted. Tn matters of this kind wo seem to have got into a state of Stagma. Poverty emanuates from many sources, and it is necessary to stigmatise the administration of poor relief on such lines as will engender public confidence. si NBA TV