SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16713, 20 April 1922, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Readers arc invited to send In original topical paragraphs or verso for this column. Accepted contributions will be paid for. At the Independent Labour Conference in London, n resolution favouring prohibition was rejected.—Cable. Take a poor man’s beer away ? That’h a rotten, thing to do! Don’t-oppress tho working man, For bis humble joys are few. "Why. he doesn’t ask for much— Just a pipe or two a day. Tea for lunch, a nightly spot Do not take his beer away ! Barman, pour me out a deep Bumper for the T. L. I*., For they have no dealings with Advocates of milk and tea. Down with prohibiton talk— Down with Pussyfoot, I say. And all other blighters who Want to take our beer away! It is understood that Mr Dooley looks upon the new Majority Labour Party in New South Wales as a wild-Catts scheme. To judge by Northcliffo’s “Daily Wail” the Japs are planning war; they’re trotting out the fist of mail as Prussians did before, and some bright day they’ll all set sail, and strew the world with gore. For Norfchcliffe, since his little trip, has fairly got the breeze, and so- lie gives us all the pip by raving of the l - seas, and says that not by one small ship should we our fleet decrease. “ Beware, beware,” he cries, “ beware the sly, ambitious Jap. he’s shown that he is everywhere a most aggressive chap, and if you do not have a care he’ll wipe you off the map. He talks of peace with phrases sweet and loudly cries ’ disarm * ; you hear him o’er and o’er repeat lie does not wish you harm, and all the time a mighty fleet he builds with manner calm. He strongly dominates tho East lieneath his powerful thumb; the cries he heeds not in the least that from Korea come, and when his forces are increased he’ll sound the battle-drum.” And while Lord Northcliffe thus orates, and scares us wth his tales, and of the Yellow Peril prates and into Nippon sails, the Jap with flowers bedecks his gates, and cheers the Prince of Wales. Tho rising generation. . . The Sar’n-Major in charge of tho parade a week ago received this note from the “ hard case of the company.” Dear Sir, —This is to let you know that I resign from compulsory military training. I don’t like the business.” Evidently the bright youth meant what he said, for his address at the moment is “ not known ” by the postal authorities.

The news item that Justices of the Peace are in future to be branded and carry with them some metal symbol to assure any inquisitive Police Officer that they are entitled to administer the Law, is cheery news. Presumably it is not yet decided whether the J.P. 44 brand” will entitled the holder to free railway travelling but as nearly ail J.P.’s are members of some local body it is up to the Tramway Board to grant ’em free tram rides. 1 hear also that it has been recommended, quite unofficially of course, that when a “ John ” demands to see a J.P. license the J.P. should also produce at least a fourth standard pass or take down *i simple* sentence of words not exceeding two syllables. I had occasion to do business with one of tho fraternity yesterday and on inquiring “Do you administer oaths, sir? ” was greeted in reply, “ My oath I do.”

She was an irate female and her voice was bitter with scorn as she addressed her husband in Colombo Street last night. ‘‘You—you—” she spluttered for words. 44 You call verself a nusband. Wy. you aint given me a penny since Chrismas. Garni ” The male swayed slightly under the attack. “ Orl right me dear,” he answered glibly. “ Don’t make a song about it. An’ wot’s more I aint* going to stand for it. No, I’m going to stand on me dignity.” And quick as a flash came the retort : “ Stand on yer dig., eh! Yer’d better, for your boots are in the bloomin’ pawn shop ” ... And the dove of peace dropped an olive branch. T have discovered a perfect place wherein to reside. There is no servant shortage in this spot. Neat, trim and obliging maids answer the bell and a smart valet- will bring you your morning paper with the coffee. ►Should you dine out. as is frequently done in this wonderful place, the waiters are polite and never worry about tips. You stroll to the door, lift one eyebrow, and up rolls a real taxi. Does the driver argue and ask “ Where jer want ter go?” No danger, lie touches his hat and drives off straight away. The telephone is brought to a state of perfection. Everybody lias one from the dustman to the bank manager. And you merely have to take up the instrument, think of a number, and before you can double it you are through. No buzzing, no rings, no exchange girls and no wrong numbers. No it is not- heaven and it is not Christchurch. It is the way they do things in the “pitchers.” A man named Du Both met a. girl. Who lisped through her teeth of pure pearl; “I’ll hug you or kiss you ” ho swore with an oath. She cried with surprise “ Oh Mister Du Both.” “Dad!” 'Yes. niv boy.” “ What is a market gardener? ” “A market gardener is a man who raises a few things, my boy.” “ And what is an agriculturist? ” “ A man who raises a lot of things.” “ Well what is a middleman?” “Why he is the man who raises everything, my son.” An Easter visitor to Christchurch met so many friends and celebrated his holiday so joyously that as the afternoon wore on he found considerable difficulty in maintaining his equililv rium. and wisely decided that a trip to New Brighton would clear the cobwebs. Ho accordingly boarded a No. 5 car and took a return ticket. Soothed by the motion of the car he soon fell asleep. The car reached the pier, turned and commenced the return journey with the visitor still peacefully slumbering. Arriving back in the Square the conductor awoke him and persuaded him to alight. Somewhat dazed he stood and surveyed the cathedral and the bright lights of the picture theatres. “Holy Moses! ” he said at length. “ I heard that- Brighten bad hie—gone ahead, but T never exshpected anything like this.” Little girl [Mother, when T get t-o heaven, will I play with the little angels? Mother: Yes, darling, you will. Little girl : And don’t you fink, mother, if I’m very, very dood. they will let me play with a. lickle devil sometimes? “ T don’t see how vou manage to live within vour income, Jones. Aren’t vou cram nod ? ” ’ t ramped is no name for it ! T have to go out and borrow a quid everv time I want to stretch. SIN B AD