SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16668, 25 February 1922, Page 8

SPINDRIFT.

Agreement with T)e Valera.—Newspaner heading. Impossible ! | ’The American Consul has told his Government that New Zealanders are the best possible type of immigrants for America. Sorry we can’t return the compliment. A local branch I’m going to start of the Yankee Tvu Klux Klan. and of the tribe I’ll be the heart, in all their orgies take a part, and Ku Klux all 1 can. We’ll make a raid on Ballantyne’s and seize their muslin store; and Avhen at night the full moon shines, we’ll form in masked and and ghostly r lines, and roam the country o’er. A hollow’ turnip in a sheet wiil for our banner be; then drums and tom-toms we will beat, and awful gib berish repeat, to make our victims fleeThe river banks and lawns we’ll sweep, and skirmish in the Park; we’ll get amusement on the cheap, and even make the willows weep by groaning in the dark. Wrapped up in cotton to the eyes, the laggards take fresh heart : the puny muscles glow in size. an l coAvards feel their courage rise ; nil fears of ill depart. ’Tis easy to molest the Aveak. when mighty is your Klan ; so helpless people Ave will seek, the poor, the humble and the meek ; hit back they never can. Thus by a midnight terror w’e Avill Canterbury run, and soon the local folk Avill see ns ru e this land of people free, by lynching and the gun. A large and representative collection of paintings and drawings by Van dor Velden lias been presented to the N.Z. Academy of Fine Arts.—Wellington telegram. Some of the titles are : “ Study in Still Life.’’— Navvv at Work. " Discontent ” —School teacher receiving his pay. " Antique Study " —A modern flapper. ‘‘Tally ho!"—The City Council’s rat hunt. "An Unknown Singer " —Or Just as Well. Too. " Landscape " —Sunset on the Meat Pool. Through the calm air of the summer evening and the open window floated the strains of the old violin. Dr Watson paused at the door to listen in disgust to the tender variations of ** Old Man Jazz,” played as only Shears could play it " Drop it. Shears, or I’ll give you a castor-oil pill, double strength !" The bow dropped from Shamlock Shears's shaking hand. ‘' All. Watson, not that, for my old mother's sake, not that!" " Well, to business," said Watson briskly. " ThU Los Angeles murder is worth your investigation, Shears.” ‘‘ I ha\-e already investigated it, Watson," replied the famous detective, with quiet triumph. “It took me a long time. I had to go to every picture theatre in Christchurch." "Whatever for?" broke in Watson. " The man was murdered in Los Angeles. not Christchurch." ‘‘ You always say the obvious, Watson." sighed the detective patiently. "Please allow me to explain. Now then, to start at the beginning—Tay lor was. as you know, a picture director. That is to say, he directed the making of pictures. Watson, what are films made of?" " Of sugar and spice—l mean, from stories and books," replied the doctor. "Ah, yes, exactly ! That was my chain cf reasoning. It was a long hunt, but ae last I found that film. Taylor long ago had filmised—the word is mine. Watson—had fiVmised a bdok called the " Temptation of Niggardly Jones " into a picture called " Why Change Your Shirt?" The author shot him.” "Of course," murmured Watson. " That’s much better, much better. Watson Now* take this tuppence and buy yourself an acid drop.” In Samoa a listening service is maintained between 8 p.m. and 8 a.m. is nothing, for our slavey maintains a listening service which «s continuous. “ Farmer’s Troubles," says a newspaper’s headlines. Wine, women and song, of course. Regulations have been approved by the Minister of Education, and confirmed by the Government, for the allocation of reductions to be made in the pay of teachers in accordance with the Public Expenditure Adjustment Act. —Wellington telegram. Interviewed by our special correspon dent in Wellington, the secretary of the Teachers’ Union said that the resentment of the teachers at the cut in their alteadv slender screws was deep and widespread. One old teacher had gone so far as to express the wish that lie could have Bill Massey or that Parr fellow in his class for a day or two. He Avould teach them all about cuts. Yes. indeed ! "The union," continued the secretary. " is going to issue instructions that the teachers stick closely to the letter of their timetables and regulations. This ayou Icl be equivalent to i go-slow- policy. Of course, the children would welcome this, for the teachers would go clow with the strap as well as with the work. Unless the Minister reconsiders his decision, there is a grave danger of school becoming highly popular among the young folk." "A special train of eighteen carriages left Rangiora at 9.10 a.m. for Christchurch," says a contemporary. At at 9.10 p.m. the party left Christchurch poorer. "If the babj* does not thrive on fresh milk it should be boiled,” says a California pure food expert. Which —baby or milk ? Opportunity will come to your door, but she won’t skin her knuckles knocking. " A dog is entitled to Its first human bite for nothing." Thus an English judge. Sad. but true- J haA*e a friend who liA'ed next door to a man who kept a dog. Years ago that dog claimed his inalienable legal right, and a large portion of my friend’s ! calf. He decided not to wait for the second and illegal bite. He poisoned that dog. Unfortunately, his neighbour bought another, and a larger dog, which in turn sampled friend Percy’s other calf Next morning that dog was dead His neighbour thereupon got another friend of man. who proved himself an enemy of Percy As he objected to being sampled for nothing, Percy decided to let the dog hve in the hope that* some day it would overstep the law The dog evidently knew better for it refused to touch Percy again. Percy’s wife remarked that possibly the dog didn’t like the taste. Noav, my neghbour has bought a jaguar as a household pet. I urgently want to know if a jaguar has a legal right of a sample mouthful of my anatomy. If so. I’m going to Avrlte straight away to Wirth’s circus to rent one of their lions. Anyway, perhaps the right to a free bite is reciprocal. If so. some of these dark nights I'll climb oA r er the fence and bite Fido. —SINBAD.