Fun and Fancy.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16668, 25 February 1922, Page 4

Fun and Fancy.

“ Your mother’s Mother : " How was it you didn’t win the spelling prize niter all, darling ?’* Tommy: “I put too many z’s in scissors.’’ The Rejected : “ Anyway, you’ll remember me as n trier. The RejecteT : “ Yes, I’ll remember you as very trying.” Mrs Newed: “ I have brought three of these eggs back to change them.” Grocer: “They are quite fresh, ma’am.” Mrs Newed : “ No doubt; but the shells are brown, while mv new egg cups are blue.” “Yes, I need an office boy. Are you truthful?” “Oh, yes. sir! But, of course, 1 understand business is business.” Ethel ; “Ts your husband mean, then ?” Alary: “ Mean? Yes, be deliberately says things in his sleep for the purpose of keeping me awake when I’m tired.” Wealthy Miser: “T never give to missions.” Collector; “Then take something out of the bag, sir. The money is for heathens.” Arthur: “ Father. who are the people who believe in second sight?” Father: “ Probably those who fall in love at first sight.” X. : “ They tell me the river is very low. Y. : Yes. it's so low it’s confined to its be!.”

Effie : “It was a case of love at first sight when 1 met Billy.” Florence: “Then why didn’t you marry him?” “ I met him again so often.’’ Rattler : “ Truth is stranger than fiction.” Gough: “ Stranger than detective fiction?” “Oh, rather; although, of course, the real detectives are just as good as the detectives of stories; yet if you read that the criminal is caught, you know it is a detective story and not a news item.” Mallow : “ Woman’s crowning glory is her hair.” Sallow: “Yes; but she doesn’t always sleep in her crown.” Dodd: “In their efforts to climb many men lose their wav.” Todd : “"Yes; but. on the other hand, the downward patli is a blazed trail.” Lyle: “I’m getting home rather late. I want to take along some flowers to appease my wife.” Flower Girl: Roses, sir?” “ No. too many thorns. Give me something that won’t scratch when she—she returns them to me!” Kent: “T understand that Bain does not boast of his long descent.” Miles : “No: rather of the fact that he landed on his feet.’’ Thomas: “ Don’t you think it’s time nations agreed to limit armaments?” Fowle : “Agreements for limiting armaments will be all right, providing there’s sufficient armament to enforce the agreements.” A theatrical manager is looking for a printer who can set up a bill where ali the type is of the same size, and yet every name printed looks in bigger tx pe than the rest. The Actors’ Association are convinced that such a bill will save much friction.

calling you.” “ Got any herrings’ roes?” asked a youth of the young lady in charge of the fishmonger’s stall. “Ale name ain’t Rose, it’s Gladys,” retorted the damsel; “and please remember I'm Aliss Smithson to you.” Mamma: “Who’s been in the sugar basin again, children?” Dolly (with two lumps still in her pocket): “ Baby, I fancy. Y T oa can’t s’pect Tony n me. for we’re too big to get into suoh a little place.” “ Your little dog.” remarked Jenkins, “ looks very odd. What did you have his tail cut off for?” “We simply had to do it,” replied Dobson; “ he wagged it so much, and we live in a flat, you know.” Weary 'YVillie: “Would you believe it. mum. but onco 1 bad money to burn.” Old Lady: “You burnt it! How?” “ With an old flame of mine, mum. ’ ’ # * Airs Bosh: “James, von call yourself brave! You went to the war, and now you look scared every time I speak to you. Marriage isn’t a pitched battle.” Mr Bosh: “No, my dear. Marriage is iust a steady breaking down of morale.” . Young Alan: “I should like to ask your advice, sir. as to whether you think your daughter would make me a suitable w’fe?” Lawyer: “No, I don’t think she would! Ten shillings and sixpence, please !”

Breathes there a man with soul so ! dead, W ho never to himself lias said, As ho banged his toe against the bed, j On« hand was all he used to steer, i The other arm hugged Myrtle. They did a skid, and then, oli dear, ! The beastly car turned turtle! Old Gent: “ Here, my little man, j here’s a penny for you.” His Little ■ Alan: “Toss yer double or quits—whether yer makes it tuppence or keeps j Jimmie: “lather, what is an excavation?’ Father: “An excavation is a place from which dirt has been taken.” “Is baby’s face one, father?” “ Poverty is a disease,” howled the speaker. “And yet.” murmured the poor chap in the back of the hall, “ we who are afflicted with it are arrested whenever we take anything for it!” He: “When T was young I decided to make one woman happy.” She: AVell, as you remained a bachelor you have succeeded in doing so.” Obnoxious Young Alan (picking up a piece of pork on the end of his fork) : “Do you call this pig?” Pretty waitress (sweetly): “To which end of I the fork do you refer?” “ "Why don’t you play golf?” asked the ironmonger of the draper. “ Impossible to shout ’fore,’ ” explained the other. “ T can’t resist the impulse to cut it to three nnd eleven three.” The key-ring symbolises the old custom of handing over the keys of the house to the woman. This "was more often a design used for the wedding ring, and occasionally for the betrothal