SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16625, 6 January 1922, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

A pessimist often got that way by backing an optimist. “You are not a true democrat. You refused to recognise your barber this morning.” “Well, the beggar cut mo three times yesterday.” In the twelfth round of the chess championship Stevens beat Grierson. Davis beat Pickett, Hicks drew with Severn© and Roberts beat Connell. Auckland telegram. I think that, in the way this game of chess is reported, there is room tor a great improvement. A chess championship is going on night after night, a competition that must prove thrilling to the spectators, and I read about it is that one beat another, or drew, or lost, or one played a masterly game and another lost on the 157th move. A little more “ open diplomacy.” on the lines of tho Washington Conference, or tho Arbuckle Case, or a City Council Meeting, is necessary. This policy of silence is killing an exhilarating sport. What I would like to read is something like this:—“ Stevenson captured a pawn to loud cheers, but when Jackson emerged from the scrimmage with his opponent’s queen the police had to he called in to quell the barracking. As Stevenson hesitated over his next move, loud shouts of “ Put the boot into the bishop ” filled the arena. In- ; stnntly the vast crowd was in an uproar. Jackson hurled a castle at Stevenson. almost cracking his skull. In the melee which ensued Jackson advanced n pawn from q.b.5. and there wore loud vcllb of “ Offside!” The umpire produced a revolver and threatened to shoot Jackson’s oueen. T ltimately the imprecations died down, but the last spell was punctuated with cheers and counter-cheers. Manv of the women spectators fainted with emotion. The concluding test matches are attracting full houses, not only of chess fans, but of the general public.. The secretary of the Chess Association 's delighted at the popularity of this exciting sport, now that it is played under League rules. “I hear that Tom’s engaged,” said Pearl. “Is Grace the bride-to-be? ’ “ Oh, no ; it’s quite another girl— Grace is the tried-to-be.” In the account of an express collision in England, th© cable says “ the express engine was hurdled over an embankment and let off its steam.” It’3 enough to make anybody let off steam. The Tenderfoot: “You say times have changed?” Montana Desperado: “ Yep. A few years ago, when I reached toward my hip, everyone scattered and hunted something to crawl under. But times have changed. Now they all crowd around and begin smacking their lips. A symposium of opinions cf eminent thinkers on the subject which at present divides public attention with the Disarmament* Oonfertenc© cannot fail to interest our readers.

“One cannot dispute,” writes Professor Hawruss, D.D.L., “that it is incumbent upon every professing Chris tian to study the prophecies regarding Armageddon. I have never ceased to proclaim, especially to my daughter Annette, that the extravagance of the age must inevitably provoke the destruction of the world. The powder you use for purposes of vanity,’ I say to her, c will be transformed into the powder that will blow you to perdition. The mirror in which you study your painted face will one day reveal the features of Jezebel.’ ‘ AVhen’s it all to happen?’ she will ask. And I have to confess that the discrepancies in the dates proclaimed by equally subtle interpreters of prophecies make it easy for Annette to confute her father.”

11 Though hitherto a sceptic and a scoffer,” writes Mr L. O. N. G. Shandy, “ I am inclined now to believe that the predicted end. if not Armageddon, is at hand. It is well known that there is a drought in Christchurch at present. Australia is suffering from fires owing to the drv condition of the country. The fact that half of North America has recently become dry, seems to me to forebode a greater conflagration, whose parching effect has already been felt by manv sinners.”

“ Armageddon!” said the office boy. “ Why, that’s the South American anymile wiv tho shell on ’is hack. I certainly believes in ’im, ’cos I’ve seen ’im.”- •

When little Percival arrived at school first day, he carried the following note to teacher:—“Dear Teacher, —Our sweet little Percival is a very delicate, high-strung child, and if he is naughty —and he is apt to be naughty at times —just punish the boy next to him and that will frighten him so lie’ll be good.” Said a tramcar conductor named Blunt: “ Every woman for trouble will hunt. You politely entreat Her to take a back seat, And, of course, the dear thing takes affront.” “ Fashion authority says that we will soon be wearing clothes made of paper.” —News item. The scene is the fashionable Maison, Ballantyne. Enter Mrs Fillip and Shop Assistant. S.A. : “ And what kind of a dress did you wish to see, madam?” Mrs Fillip: “ A paper sacque, please. Everybody’s wearing them, I notice.” S.A. : “Yes; eventually, so why not now' ?” We shift to the offices of the “ Lyttelton Times ” Publishing Company. Enter foreman of printing room. Foreman : “ How large an edition of that Peerless Tuxedo shall tv© run, sir ?” Manager: “ We’ll make it a limited edition, with de luxe binding, each suit numbered and autographed by the designer.” Foreman: “ What paper shall we use. the super?” Manager: “No, not for the coat, keep the super for the vest. We have some bond.” Foreman: “ No; we’re out of bond.” Manager: “Then we’ll use that roll of coated paper.” Agnin, a shift of scene, this time to the library of Aldous Bibliophite, collector of rare first editionr, who is showing off his prizes to his friends.” A.B. : “ And here” (caressing a time faded paper suit, made of tho early 1922’s) —“ and here is a genuine first edition of an afternoon suit, privately printed for tho first Clarence Vermouth. It passed on to his son, and then to his grandson, who disposed of it, along with the rest of his library, last winter. I bought it, on a tip, for £4500. Another specimen of the same edition sold at auction recently for £9OOO. The second edition has brought * as high ns £3OOO. It was printed at f the Oxford Press. “ The first edition you can always i identify by the * 1 ’ here in the lar>el, I being turned upside down by a careless j printer.” Absent-minded -professor, meeting his i son : “ Hello, George, how’s your I father?” • SINBAD.