FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16497, 6 August 1921, Page 4

FUN AND FANCY.

It isn’t every man who can go broke and save his peace of mind. Glum s “ Every bone in my body aches.” Glee: “You ought to h© giad you are not a herring. 5 -' Alice: ‘ 1 Why didn’t you marry him? Everybody says he has reformed.” Maisie: “Yes; but h© reformed too late. His money was all gone.” It is just as well to look out for tho fellow who is always looking out for himself. Mabel; “Do you believe in dreams?” Bert: ‘‘No; I was in love with on« onqe and she jilted me. 55 • . * Margery: “Jimmv Poorboy say s h© cannot live without me.” Her Father (rich city magnate) : “ He means that he can’t live in the style ho would like without you.” & %

First Chorus Lady; c: T hear that Gwendolyn is appearing in ‘ Tumble Out!” Second Ditto: €i Yes, I suppose she put the super 5 in ‘ super-cast. 5 ” *** Ward; ” Henpeck© says he is ambitious to rise in the world.” Neames: “That ought to be easy, considering how willing his wife is to blow him Up *” Irene: li And you say Eddie was down at tho seaside at Easter while you were there?” Polly: “Oh, ye&l” “And did he fall in love as usual?” “Fall? Why, he dived!” Mr North : c ‘ What of the new neighbours?” Mr South: “It is hard to fix their place in society.” lt How’s that?” “ They have neither a motorcar nor a gramophone.” Mrs Screech : ”1 don’t see whv you object to my singing lessons. Perhaps some day my voice will keep the wolf from the door.” Mr Screech: “It probably will, if the wolf hears it. 35 Mr Dean : “ Woman is making progress.” Mr Bean: ‘‘But she has not yet attained the point where she can smoke a cigarette while making a cake.” Lizzie: Ci Did you notice his face while I was singing?” Eliza: 4f Part of it.” il What do you mean by part of it?” ‘‘ Well, you know, I couldn’t see all of it. He was vawning.” %*

THE PICTURE CENSORSHIP. j “Now, auntie, when you are through. : will you let rpo have the pieces you cut out?” Celia: 1{ I know whom I’m goiii.g to vote for next election.” Pamela: ‘‘Oh. who is that?” “For the party who is responsible for the law of supply and demand.* 5 Jones: “Owing to Christmas, I’m very hard up this week.” James: “ Why, this is August, and Christmas comes but once a year ” “ Yes, but the resultant bills come once a month until they’re paid.” Sailor: ” A ship isn’t so dependent on her anchor.” Dear Old Lady: “Why isn’t she?” “Because even if she loses it she still keeps her hold.” Donaldson : “My office is burglarproof. I’m positive of that.” Dawson : “How can von be so positive?” “There is not enough room hi it to accommodate a second person.” To win success with tongue or pen, The best plan seems to be To say the old things o’er again 3 But say them differently. Mrs Barlow: “I had a charwoman to | give me a helping hand with my house- jj work.” Mrs Grimm: “Did it pay?” I “No; I found the helping hand was I the hand that helped itself.” Johnson: “ Don't b© too hard on Naylor. He has lots of good in him.” Jackson: “ Too bad he doesn’t let some of it out, <> * Husband: “Of course, my dear, T have my faults ” Wife: “I should have to have very keen vision to detect your virtues.” “ But, my dear, you can find fault with your eyes shut!” ;

Child author (dictating to typist) g , And with one latht long lingering kith, they parted forever—gat that? Sarcastic? BoarderOf course, I don’t know, but it strikes me this chicken. ,s Landladv: “ Now, what’s the matter with the chicken?” “ Oh, nothing, only it is evidently ih© j spiring of a hard-boiled egg. 53 “ Beaa&mber. my good man," said tho visitor, kindly, c2 that stone walla do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage.” “ Well, t-hov’vo got me hypnotised, then, that’s all, ma’am! 55 said the old convict, rudely.